Where Do I Go?

If men think women drivers are horrible ones, then what would women think of those men drivers who think their beat-up Honda Civics are rally cars, tail you like the first lane rightfully belongs to them, zoom in and out between lanes, who expect you to let them cut into your path even if it would cause you to step on the brakes, or most irritatingly, who refuse to fix their bledy signal lights?

Farking bastards.

Farking alpha-male bastards.

The 'alpha-male' theory is one that intrigues me. If, in this era of feminism, there is such an accepted theory of 'alpha-male'-ism, then is there any behavioral equivalent manifested by, and accepted of, women?

I need to research on this.


There were a few resolutions I made for myself this weekend.

One, I will resolve to get my resume going. The appraisal session with ex-boss wasn't too bad - but I am having a hard time fighting for more moolah for myself. This has prompted me to explore the other opportunities out there, and more importantly, to find out the price others will put on my head (my brains, that is).

Two, I will have to decide on my July trip. More and more options are coming along my way. Which can be a good thing, but given the indecisiveness in me, can be worse too.

"Just go and book a ticket!" was the advice I got. And which I'm very tempted to take.

I don't think I can handle "a few" resolutions. Accomplishing two in a weekend is already a feat.


Darn - just struck my mind. If I had to get started on my resume, I'd have to return to the office (again!) on Sunday. I left my lappie in the office, and my pbook has no word processing program.

Urgh. Urgh. URGH.


I am truly getting frustrated at the lack of direction my trip planning is heading. I suppose it's especially frustrating because mentally, I'm already looking forward to the getaway. If it doesn't happen, I will be crushed. I cannot let myself down.

It's been a crazy few weeks. I'm home, but I don't really feel at home. I'm here, but I don't really feel I fit in anywhere. Work is just a place where I have to spend 8 hours a day to earn money for my bills and keep my mind working on other stuff. My work is really meaningless to my life, in a bigger sense of matters. The court is where I sweat all my frustrations out. Home is where I shower, watch TV and sleep. My room is a junkyard but I no longer have the yearning to clean it up. I wish home was more cosy and warm. The streets are just where I loiter, to get away from it all.

Where do I belong? Why have I landed in this state, in a short span of two months?

I need to go away. Going away will not take away realities, but it brings you to new places to explore, to marvel at, to think about. It keeps you imagining about the possibilities of permanently going away. For a while, it makes things look not as bad as they seem back at home.

The list of "to-go" has become longer.

1 - I could visit my favorite kid Gigi in Melbourne. But I don't think she'll be there in July.

2 - I wanted to do L.A. I found a friend there who might help me along. But the idea of it being too 'touristy' has put me off a little.

3 - I toyed with the idea of driving down along the coast from Oregon to California. It would be dangerous, driving alone, and it could possibly be costly - gas, lodging and all. But then, I could enjoy the beautiful views and maybe visit Yosemite or Redwood Parks. And thinking of that, I have a good mind to put this driving trip aside because I would rather prefer to save this beautiful eye-opening trip for my loved one instead.

4 - I could fly across the land to Noo-Yawk. I've always wanted to do NY. I have a friend there, but it's a long complicated story between the two of us. So I doubt I can get any help from him. Still, Aunt Jess is thinking of joining me on my July trip as well, and she's suggested NY.

5 - I could fly to Nice. Aunt Jess is there right now, and she's initially invited me over. It could possibly be troublesome, having to arrange my flights with the company. Do I fly direct from Portland? Or do I fly back to Singapore, then fly to Nice from home? Most of all, Nice is a beautiful French town - one of those romantic places I've dreamt of visiting with my loved one. I think I might just save this one again.

6 - London: another suggestion by Aunt Jess. This could work - I have a girlfriend in London; that cool girl married a French guy and both are living in London right now. Just how much of all our romantic dreams has she lived out for us?

7 - Ireland, another one from Aunt Jess. I've never thought of traveling Ireland, the land of stout and undecipherable accents. It could be interesting.

8 - Last suggestion from Aunt Jess: Rome. This is one I'd save for the loved one. Nah.

9 - I could visit also a newfound friend in Hokkaido, on my way back from Portland to Singapore. I've always wanted to visit one of those traditional fishing villages in Japan. Maybe I could find one in Hokkaido.

10 - If all else fails, I'd stop by Tokyo, on my way back. Alone.

Now, pray tell, how am I going to make a decision?

I just hope the list doesn't get longer, before I could shorten it.

Do I really want to travel with an aunt in tow? Or do I really want to explore places on my own?

Most of all - how much money do I have to spare for this 'self-indulgent' trip?


Quote I chanced upon on the chicklit web site:

"A journal is a leap of faith. You write without knowing what the next day's entry will be - or when the last."

How true I thought this is.

Just like how I never expect to be feeling down one day when the day before seemed so sweet.