Bus

Oh yes, this almost slipped my groggy mind.

I hopped onto a bus from work, for the first time and rather mindlessly too, put Jay on repeat, and rode all the way back to town on the upper deck.

Never mind the free flowing air-conditioning just like anywhere else in Honks, it felt good.

Really good.

Tooth Angel

The root of my misery over the past two days has finally been eradicated.  For a rather hefty price of HKD680.

I have never felt this much pain.  I have never looked this helpless, cringing under the blanket in tears, rolling around in bed for hours.  I never had pain have me lose sleep this bad.  I have never had the feeling of wanting to just kill myself this bad.

I have never cried this much, this bad over a bad tooth.

Or, was it?

I just know I am so tired now.  My eyes are so tired now.  Inside out, I am so tired now.

I have brought work home again for the weekend, for nothing.

I really can't bear to look at those boxes in the excel sheets now.

Only five more weeks to go.  To what, I don't really know.  

But we always look forward to the end of the year, to the start of another, don't we?

Even if it's just for some pure faint hope.

I'm just looking forward to the next five weeks.  Maybe just four.  Or, maybe it's just three.

There are places to go, passport stamps to collect.  Old favorites, new cities.  There's somewhere I've always been wanting to go, never had the chance to go, but I have just decided I am going to go anyhow.

And then, of course... there's home awaiting.

Screw the kiam cai policy.  There's always January.  

I just want to disappear.

Let me act the fag box here.

Always, always remember to brush twice a day, visit your friendly (and very rich) dentist twice a year, and floss floss floss.

Itch

When a woman is happy, she buys a bag.

When a woman is sad, she also buys a bag.

Whenever a woman wants it, she just buys a bag.

- The Original Fatmama, November 2007

I have a very, very strong itch to just go out to the mall and buy something.

Anything.

Many, many things.

Thoughts

For the past two days, I have been thinking about Tommy again.

Tommy and I had a turbulent start. Like we were almost not meant to be, yet I could never unlove him - even if he didn't love me at first.

And then, barely weeks after we started our relationship, Tommy and I knew it for certain. That we were indeed not meant to be.

Tommy and I pretty much had our days together numbered.

Yet we were put in each other's path in this lifetime of ours.

I had a choice, of course, me being the upper hand.

But I could never do it. Looking into Tommy's eyes, I could never bear to cut our days short, cut our ties off.

There was the familiar question of rationality against emotion.

But I decided. If it was not time yet, I would never let go of Tommy.

Sure the day would eventually come. But before then, we would be happy together. That must have been the reason why Tommy was put in my path, in my lifetime. I would make him happy before it all ended.

So how would we know when it was time to let go? We would just know. Tommy would let me know. I would just know.

I cried and I mourned when I had to finally let Tommy go.

That is just life.

Tommy and I spent just about three months together.

Then Piper came into my life, and we have become each other's destiny.

Tommy and I had no everlasting story to talk about. Yet the impact of him, the meaning to my life, he remains a part of me I will never stop thinking nor talking about.

In the short time we did have together, he would hurt me often, even biting me and leaving me in tears. But I would never unlove him. And I will tell his story, my peculiar love, to my grandkids one day.

Tommy was, and always will be, my dog. My love. That one little spot in the corner of my heart.

This is me.

Do you really know?

15:2

If you were me, wouldn't you feel a little cheated too when you had spent more than fifteen minutes waiting for your chicken drumstick to be cooked, and then less than two minutes cleaning it to the bone?

*****

So far, I have run pretty much.  Cooked a little.   Read very little.  Stoned a lot.  Chilled a lot too.  Ironed none, 'cept for the wrinkled tee shirt I had insisted on wearing today.  Mopped only that bit of the floor where I've dripped some detergent upon.

I have done two lunch-ins.  Three sandwiches.  One sushi roll.  One chicken drumstick that seemed to have shrunk upon steaming.  One lousy omelette.  Half a bottle of red.  Mouthfuls of grapes.  Endless packets of addictive wang wang biscuits.  Two cartons of soya milk.  Didn't really eat a lot.

And I haven't been able to get out by six.

Oh, but I have watched six episodes of probably the only Taiwanese serial that has ever impressed me.

The sink's still mucked up.  The hot water's fooling around with me.

I had my blood boil.  And I had my heart wince.

So I suppose I still don't feel quite normal yet.

Innocence

Overheard over the phone...

The older little one asking his mommy:  "姑姑 also got baby sister in her stomach?"

CHOY CHOY CHOY!  Tai ge lai si!  

Don't let 奶奶 hear that.

The Little Nameless One

... who's really looking all tiny and fragile at 2.345 kilos.

The little one who Mom says is as fiesty as I had been this time thirty years ago.

The beautiful little one who's going to grow up a peach just like her 姑姑.  (That is, if her dad's going to allow her to hang out with 姑姑, as much as her older brother does.)

Clogged

A good weekend later, it's grind-time again.

But I hope also to return to normalcy.

Run a little.  Cook a little.  Read a little.  Stone a little.  Chill a little.  Iron a little.  Mop a little.

I don't want no more lunch-ins at work.  Heck, I want to get out by six.

My sink's getting clogged, I think.  The water's taking forever to drain completely.

It's been weeks, actually.  And I have not done anything about it, particularly because I don't know what to do about it.

The rubber pump works only for a while, but there must be some real serious shit in there I need to get sorted out.

It's just outrageously funny.  How the sink mimics my mind now.

GiveMeFacebook

'222' is nothing to me.

As long as I have '5' till the end of my road.

"Eh, I Saw Them..."

Dammit lah.

"ME" bag, or "ME" shoes now?

Fuck. I really hate tough decisions like this.

Bed

For the first time in two weeks, I am going to sleep on my bed tonight.


I talk too much tonight.

I think I might really be back.

Paulie & ME

Since I am on my favorite topic...


I think I might have found it.

The "ME" bag.

The one that is still sitting on the shelf in the shop but you know belongs to you the moment your eyes connect with it.

The one that oozes beauty from every single stitch, every single trim, every single detail, every single angle.

The one that you think of every single day, the one that goes with any single outfit you might put on any day.

The one that you know you will carry to its death. Or maybe even your own.

The one that screams "ME".


I have no more excuse to shower myself with a gift. I don't think I would get a bonus soon. I still have stuff to pay off.

Heck, I am still supposed to be kiam cai.

I just wish I get hit by that horrible monster known as "impulse".


If it is indeed meant to be "ME", it'll just continue sitting there quietly till I come bring it home.

Be good.

*****

Huh?

What price tag?

Got price tag meh?

Mama Rock

"So... You wanna talk to me about bags?"


Despite all the craziness and sleeplessness, it has been a surprisingly good week for me.

And I came to the realization.

That, to my pleasure and perhaps even relief, there's some fire, some passion in me that still hasn't died.

Give me, anytime, my favorite topic about bags - or more specifically, women and bags - and I still rock the crowd.

Which I did. To a largely unfamiliar crowd. To an unexpectedly huge, mindblowing extent.

I kid not. And I brag not either. Two days on, and I still have relative strangers walk up to me and grab my hand for a congratulatory shake: "You were just amazing... Your confidence on stage blows me away... You are probably the best presenter I've ever met."

I probably don't deserve the honor. I didn't really mean to impress. I might even have stupidly upped my own standard. All I had wanted was just to have fun and send my love for bags out to the people.

The second, more subtle realization crept up silently. Over my sushi lunch, in fact.

I think I might be a born entertainer. A shameless one, in fact. I might rock like Chris Rock.


The third, and rather in-my-face, realization plagues me still.

I have never been, and I still am not, good with receiving compliments.

I have no confident replies. I fight hard to suppress the flush burning up my cheeks. I wish the ground would swallow me whole there and then.

I don't deserve anything.

Perhaps, off the stage, I am not that shameless after all.


I really don't deserve anything.

I will never ask of anything. Because I don't deserve.

Mama's Back

Finally.

After all these weeks.

I am indeed very physically worn out, yet I feel the energy creeping back.

Way to go, girl. Can't wait for the next couple of weeks.

Spotted

I saw JJ.

No, wait. I need to tell the truth.

JJ saw me.


There I was, at the airport, rushing to the meeting room at the hotel, soy latte in hand, stumbling in my long-neglected three-inch at seven in the morning.

Then the dude saw me. Did a double-take. And then another. And then another head-turn.

Then I realized.


If only it was just Jay instead.

Thirty Minutes

I so so so so so can't wait for Saturday.

And even then, I'm going to freakin' miss the ball session.

I hate this ... .


Me: Tell you a secret. I am going to take two days' sick leave next week. Hiak hiak.
Someone-I-can't-remember-who: Just two? Take six days lah.

Huh? How to? Do I have to land myself on the hospital bed for that??

Siao. I can't even pull off "two days".


Big Guy, just take care of me this week.

Send my angel back. Please.

Ageing

It is kinda frustrating, though, to have to pull out my white hairs on my own.

For one, I can't even find them. Not especially with that massive tuft on my head.

I desperately need Dean.

The Real Destresser

Men. Wine. Good food.

What more can I ask for on a quiet Sunday night?

Company

What do you do with boys this gorgeous?



Why, you just put the disc into the player and play the serial over and over again.


See. It's not really that bad living alone.

I've got someone gorgeous to keep me company while I do my work. And then, I got someone to sing me sweet lullabies to sleep every night.

I'm not really that lonely.

D.o.A.

I'm still alive.

Just half-dead.

Monday Morning

Gorgeous: Happy monday :-)
Me: Hahahahaha! Now that will make my monday very happy.

… …

Me: The delirium got to me this morning. Did u send the msg to me by mistake?
Gorgeous: No it was meant for you.
Me: Now i’m in bliss.


Maybe a little bird perched upon his gorgeous shoulder and whispered it into his gorgeous ear.

Or maybe, it’s just the Big Guy popping yet another angel in my way.


Sometimes, it seems so simple, I wonder if and why I even need it.

Yet I know I do.


I’ll be okay.

Sunday Night

Since it's getting colder everywhere I go as winter approaches, especially in my own apartment, I decided I would seek warmth in the office today, where the air-conditioning shuts off during weekends.

Really.


I am very tempted as Penfolds and Macallan beckon tonight, but I have to say no.

I don't think I'll need their help to fall asleep tonight. Since I don't think I'll sleep at all tonight.

I'm just glad I got J.

我也很忙

My number eight.

I will find my way to Shanghai, by hook or by crook.

Jammed

ME Inc. says: i have a colleague in shanghai called Egg Yu
PurOS ~ says: better than egg fu
ME Inc. says: hmm... Egg Fu Yong

I may love eggs, but I don't have to live with it this way.


I think I will go nuts soon. Very soon.

Auntie

DARK LORD PEDA: u married?
ME Inc.: eh??
ME Inc.: no.
DARK LORD PEDA: haaaaaaaaaaaaa
DARK LORD PEDA: I heard u were
ME Inc.: wait a minute
ME Inc.: you heard??
DARK LORD PEDA: just hearsay
ME Inc.: eh?!

So now I know.

Now I'm really auntie on the court. Fuck.

Friends

|s|o|k| says: hello..
ME Inc. says: hihi!
|s|o|k| says: you there?
ME Inc. says: yeps
|s|o|k| says: haha..i just saw your post on soups..
|s|o|k| says: and i thought i cld recommend a place in hk to satisfy your cravings..

...

It's always pleasant surprises like this that melts your heart.

If I hadn't said it enough, thank you babe. : )

Drumstick

Kiam cai people do deserve a chicken drumstick once in a while.

A humongous one.