The Fall

After months of procrastination, I finally caved in and got my arse to the skin center to get some professional help on my skin breakout. I have already spent tons of moolah on brand after brand of creams, lotions, cleansers over the counters, and they've all not proven any effective. Old dame Estee (God bless her soul) should be happy that vain idiots like me have contributed to her growing empire in this foolish way.

I was late for my appointment (as usual - nothing to express surprise about), but to my own pleasant surprise, the waiting time at the clinic has improved quite a bit. I was expecting to be thrown right to the back of the queue but hey, I was the third in line. Of course, I hurried into the consultation room without glancing at anyone else in the packed waiting room lest I caught some glare or dagger thrown at my back.

But just before I was called up for my consultation session, I noted this well-dressed lady, nice black suit with black heels and a elegant little black-white tote and all, but with also the "blackest" face to suit her outfit. I thought, 'gawd, what the hell had ticked her off? spare me the black face.' and it's obviously the real-friendly clinic staff. Anyway, none of my business - gotta attend to my queue number.

What happened shortly amused the hell outta me. Miss Blackie's number was called up next and as she got up and moved out of the row of seats, she tripped over the feet of the poor mister sitting right next to her. With a loud "plop", no one could ignore the scene. She fell right over his feet and onto the floor on all fours, dainty skirt ruffled, precious leather tote on floor. My gawd, I swore there could've been a thunderstorm right there in the waiting room. Without so much of a gracious apology (in my own experience, such incidents usually only occur to clums like me), she picked herself up, ignoring the help from the poor mister she tripped over herself, and fumed and fummed. I bet she must've swore something under her breath. I'm pretty sure Mister had no pre-conceived ill intention of sticking his feet out so you fall over, so spare him your agony.

How would you have reacted? For one, since I've had many clumsy incidents myself, I know mostly you would feel extreme embarassment in such a scenario and would feel akin to an ostrich, wanting so badly to stick your head into the ground beneath. Well, you would walk away with your red face pointing ground-wards, and scurry off the scene as quick as you can - at this point, you would probably also wish you had long legs like the ostrich. Or, you could handle the situation with grace, like a pro. Smile, laugh, acknowledge the silliness in yourself, don't feel sorry for yourself because everyone falls. Pick yourself up with grace, and move on with confidence. If you could accept yourself when you fall, so will others.

This reminded me of the catwalk incident where Naomi Campbell fell right on her butt onstage in Milan or somewhere. Yep, right on the catwalk in front of hundreds of cameras snapping away, front-row celebrities gawking in disbelief. Her pictures appeared in magazines almost immediately, showing her on the floor, short skirt hiked up, panties and all. They must be thinking, "So unglam, how could you, a pro, fall in right in front of hundreds? You're bound to appear on front-page tabloids." And most of us would be thinking, "EEeeee! Panties seen! How can?" But if you look closer at the pictures, she was wearing god-damned platform heels that must've been 5 inches high. And she was also wearing a big smile on her face. Apparently, Naomi handled the embarassing situation with so much grace, everyone applauded for her as she picked herself up, laughing as she did so. And of course, she continued her catwalk from there. (No whining, no fuming, no red-face - surprise surprise, Naomi!) She must've put all the other teeny supermodel-wannabes at the backstage to shame, as they probably must have been sniggering as they watched it happen. Girls, learn a thing or two from Naomi.

And you too, miss Blackie.

Foot note

i'm so excited now cos i'm trying something new tonite . i'm giving the man a 'surprise' footbath followed by a relaxing foot massage. well, it's not exactly something new cos i do give him the occasional foot rub (whenever he asks for it... sigh). but i feel bad cos i think i've never given him a proper good one. it's time i do something impressive huh.

so what's exciting really is the researching and learning bit. been scouring the net the whole day, and even bought a book from borders (on sale, tat's why), to learn the ingredients that go into a footbath and the proper techniques for massage. i dun wanna cripple him, u see.

and most of all, i'm happy i found something new to try to learn and excel in, something i've not felt for a while. it keeps my mind occuppied for just that little bit at least. and even more, i hope this little bit of effort and newness keeps something alive between us.

Photography

I was just going through my entire photo library (digital, of course) in my hard drive while trying to find something appropriate to upload into some web site. And I liked what I saw. Quite unknown to myself, I've actually captured many a beautiful memory of friends, loved ones and the various places I've had the good fortune to visit, and built up a very valuable collection of shots I'm proud to show off.

*When I return this bledy piece of computering device to my company, I'd better make sure I transfer this entire precious library to my new computer (which I know I'll get soon).*

Photography has in recent times become a passion for me, even though I'm equipped with just a simple digicam, albeit a pretty good one. It may be big and bulky, something which most people balk at but it was the best and most expensive one when I bought it almost two years ago. And I realize the faithful camera has produced pictures that turned out beautiful on print, so I love it.

What sparked the interest? A close friend, one-time colleague, of mine. He quit his job to become a freelance photog, simply because he felt it was time to move on (though he couldn't bear to leave the company) and pursue something of interest. Inspirational because mind you, he's no swinging bachelor with no worries or cares in this world. He's a blissfully married guy with two very lovely young boys and an even lovelier wife. To leave a "stable" job for something unpredictable while having to pay bills, keep a house together for the family, feed them, clothe them, you have to have a lot of courage, faith and confidence(and a lot of money too, haha). To top it all off, the wife does not even work full-time because she wants to spend more quality time with her boys. Her boys, in my opinion, are one of the best brought-up kids I've seen in my entire life, thanks to the wonderful parents that they have, who deem quality time spent raising their own kids as the most important thing they could offer as parents.

So he taught me life, love and photography. And I learn photography can capture the first two. When I was younger, I used to hate taking landscape and scenic shots cos I thought they were just a waste of "film" (then, we only used film) - I thought all pictures must have got a human figure in it, because that's what photography is all about: "take picture for someone". Now, I like to take mostly shots of beautiful scenery and mother nature, and of groups of friends together. And I believe, when well captured, these kind of pictures exude life and love.

And if I take good enough pictures (when I buy my EOS), maybe I'm a step closer to being a travel writer.. haha

Hello 2005

So... as you can see, I'm not quite a good blogger yet. It's exactly two months since I signed up for my first blogging site, and my postings are still almost empty.

If I wanna be a writer of some sorts, then I figure I better start 'practising' more here.

It's almost end-Jan, but it still shouldn't be too late to bid farewell to 2004. 2004 sucked for the most part, for me at least. I got busier at work, but work was also becoming increasingly boring. Folks envy my job, but it was becoming routine for me. My relationship with my boss became more tensed, which is a shame because we used to be such a good team together. Got more stress at work, which made me hate work even more. The love life was unfortunately tumultuous and so bloody emotion-draining and I almost lost it. (Is this what happens after a long time of togetherness?) I suspected I got mild clinical depression (though of course no one believed me) - I googled on the subject and was convinced I had all the symptoms. The most telling sign was my drastic weight loss. And since no one would believe I was depressed, I just said I was too stressed at work. Some friends attributed it to my late-night online gamings. So I grew from skinny to scrawny. Most clothes don't fit anymore and I lost my butt. Babies cry when I carry them cos I don't think I offer any cushioning at all. The boyfriend says my bones hurt him when we hug. Not nice.

So. Hello 2005. I'm so looking forward to having a much better time with you. I have cleared up my thoughts a fair bit in the past couple of months, and I have newfound energy to pick my life up. I have tens of thousands of dreams, but there are only a handful I can realistically fulfill. But my whole life, I realize I've not quite done anything to really pursue them. So this is going to change. My job adds no value to my personal life, I realize. It pays my bills, yes, but that's not how I want to live my life. I'm not that old, but I'm not young either. At my age, you come to a point where you suddenly feel you cannot afford to procrastinate any longer and let every single minute waste away. I am going to chase after my dreams.

So, here are my immediate to-do list for 2005:

1 - Quit my job, and get out of the corporate rat-hole.

2 - Figure out what I wanna do, if I really quit my job.

3 - Buy some new pants because all my pants and skirts are now hanging off my butt and look like they're gonna fall off any time. Eew.

4 - Go on a trip somewhere... anywhere.

5 - Buy my Powerbook which I've been drooling over for a long time.

6 - Buy a digital SLR.

Ok none of these accomplished in the first month of the year, but it'll pick up. I know.

Wish me luck. I need lots of that. Oh, and courage too.