Choices

I know it's kinda bad, and politically incorrect, to be thinking of such things. But i'm quite sure this must have crossed some minds out there too, somehow or another.

So... here goes.

Which would you rather?

An ugly kid that grows up beautiful? Or, a beautiful kid that grows up ugly?

How can that be, you might question. Well, it does happen.


I can't decide too. But it's a frivolous question, isn't it?

I just want a kid that grows up to have a heart as good and honest as, if not more so than, mine.

You and I

It always takes much less effort, much more ease to fuck something up, than to make good again later.

Something. Anything.

Your body. Your mind. Your job. Your whole life.

I've had too much of it. And so have you.

Newfound Haven

Ah! I found a place where I can work in utter peace and coolness, and with free wi-fi as well.

The still-spanking new National Library.

Except that it does get a tad too quiet, such that it reminds me so much of my mugging days back in varsity.

Ahhh... Those library studying trips together. The subsequent adjournment to the canteen later in the evenings. The walks back to hall together in the still of the Nanyang Avenue nights.

And those wasteful hours spent sleeping in the library, with my head rested on the table. Ah, that was oh so common a sight then. Ha.


Oh dear. I can feel the post-lunch drowsiness hitting me in the head already.

I will soon become another common sight here. =/


Time to go. Apple time.

Battle of the Fungi

I think it's working, my plan.

I think I've found some new energy. Though not a lot, just some - it's a good start, I suppose.

For one, I am setting out on a mission to save Piper's hair.



My once-furry furball of a baby is losing her hair, all thanks to some stupid yeast infection.

Mommy is determined to defeat those single-celled fungi feeding off your poor body. Once and for all.

They ought to go back where they belong - in my beer.

I'm gonna cook you some 'anti-yeast' homemade meals, dab Neem oil over the rashes on your body (though it stinks like hell and stings even more), and sayang you more so you would stop scratching and licking yourself all over.

Mommy luff-luff-luff-luff-luffs you.

Bitch

Fuck.

Me: I'm abit agitated now. Isit cos i'm the only one wearing pants tonight?!

Sasy: No, u r the prettiest lar.


Make a guess what the hell happened to me tonight.

My hair got flipped, my cheek caressed, my ear whispered to, my 'gorgeous' looks praised over and again - and it got me all queasy inside.

Just guess.

"I must talk to you more..."

Please...

Fuckin' 'ell.

Cute Spaniard Asses Got (Prematurely) Whipped

What a dreary Wednesday morning, indeed.

Sasy says: that was the last u saw of torres
ME Inc. says: fuck
ME Inc. says: i didn't even manage to wake up to see him
ME Inc. says: i was so piisssed when i woke up... first thing i did was to check soccernet
Sasy says: i did
Sasy says: watch but as usual, we drifted... here and there
ME Inc. says: and then those french loaves are like damn heng again lah
Sasy says: just like those english muffins
Sasy says: dun u hate pastries
ME Inc. says: never like them
Sasy says: iit's becoming a very unbecoming finals
Sasy says: i scared it might be english vs french...... then i will boycott S league from now
ME Inc. says: cannot be one lah
ME Inc. says: eh? why boycott sleague?
Sasy says: haha, cos unwilling to boycott EPL
ME Inc. says: germany-argentina will be nice to watch.
ME Inc. says: though i hv strong feeling home team will win
Sasy says: ur brazil u dun wan ah
ME Inc. says: brazil sure kickass one lah
Sasy says: oh, u mena the next match
ME Inc. says: as in the qtrs
Sasy says: yah, i thk germany wil win too
Sasy says: not trying to be funny here, meant it.
ME Inc. says: though england might just win ukraine but in the end, they will be smashed by the german sausages
Sasy says: it might be samba chilli vs german sausage final
ME Inc. says: of cos chilli will win lah! hot wat.
ME Inc. says: now i m hungry

Now

Finally.

The Brazilian boys are playing like kings. Like they ought to.

But now, I'm in a dilemma.

I'd hate to have to see the Samba Kings whip those cute Spaniard asses.

That is, if the cute Spaniard asses kick those French loaf butts later tonight. Which reminds me. I am going to have a dreary Wednesday morning tomorrow.

Bleh.

*****

Having options is surely good, as is facing possibilities.

But when the options become too aplenty, and the possibilities endless, you become confused and you turn more clueless than you were before.

And it especially doesn't help if you're undecisive to begin with.

One moment excitement, and then frustration the next.


That just about sums up how I am feeling today, like I was yesterday, and very possibly tomorrow as well.

Lost and Found

If there's one special skill I can claim expertise in, it's spilling coffee onto my computer.

Yes, I have done it again.

Fuck.

*****

I've been having some weird stroke of luck with my phone these days.

Twice in just a week, I lost it.

And twice, under the strangest - some might say, most amazing - circumstance, it came back to me.

Some say I must've been damn lucky. I say, I'm bounded by some mysterious fate to this phone.


My phone conjures up mixed feelings within me. Irritating, yet full of sentiments.

The first time I dropped it in a cab in HK, I was struck with a strange sense of calmness.

While I was upset with losing all my numbers and messages, I was secretly glad: Yay, got excuse to buy new phone. But when I got it back, I was more happy than disappointed.

The second time I dropped it somewhere in my neighborhood, I thought: this is it.

When miraculously I got it back again, I thought: THIS is it. What's meant to be mine will always come back to me.


On another thought, if there's anything else I learnt through the two incidents, it is that it pays to put your own picture as the wallpaper of your phone - though initially, it did make me feel somewhat narcissistic.



Mr HK Policeman to me, when I picked up my phone: "Yah, must be your phone. The picture in it looks like you."

Great. So it does pay to love yourself.


Me and my phone.

No one will probably understand the two of us. So, all you people out there, laugh as much as you want.

If you can't rid of it, you might as well love it.


Still, I think I'm getting a new phone soon.

If the promise is kept.

Another sentimental relationship to be formed, I foresee. I am looking forward to it.

MHP Revised

OK, I have decided to take Tamada, Reyes and Ballack out of the first team. All cannot make it.

In their places, I've picked three others to fill. Probably with some protest from Sasy - but I don't really care.

Ha. It's my list now.


Numero uno: Thierry Henry (France). I've always had a thing for blacks.



Then, there's the very baby-looking Fernando Torres - yet another Spaniard. Argh!! So cute, can die.

He has just managed to stir up my cradle-snatching instinct.




And last, but not the very least, how can you ever assemble a MHP first team without Hollywood-worthy Fredrik Ljungberg (Sweden)?

Damn. What were we thinking?



*double slurps*

Now, I see competition stiffening. =)


I am also starting to wonder.

Perhaps, I should make a trip to Spain. Hmm.

Glow

Some folks tell me, I have an unmistakable glow radiating from my face these days.

And then some say, I am "suddenly" looking better.

Despite my recent lack of sleep in HK, and then also thanks to football.

Maybe it's the clearer skin. Maybe it's the longer and browner hair. Maybe it's the fuller cheeks. Or, maybe it's just the deceptive effects under the soft pub lights.

One thing for sure - it must be the right decision I've made for myself. =)


Some people also say the Great Singapore Sale is damn good this year.

I think I must go check it out.


Good - I have thus made plans for my Saturday.

Housemate Wanted

I need one.

I would love to be able to have a place on my own, bum around naked at home, leave the TV on while I doze off on the couch till the next morning, throw my dirty laundry around, whip up a good meal for one on a boring day and leave the dishes in the sink till the next.

But I don't think I can afford that on my own for now.

So I do need a housemate.


I don't have much criteria. Really. I am a simple person.

Still, it is a daunting task.

First and most importantly, I need a buddy who loves dogs and who would welcome the idea of living with two (and very possibly three) crazy dogs who sleep on the couch and run all around the house.

Then, I need someone who can tolerate my weird sleeping patterns - late nights, late mornings, preferably with the TV still on.

That is all.

And that is enough to make it a daunting task.


Tell me, if it is going to be so tough finding a housemate who accepts both you and your dogs, what about a life partner then?

BIG sigh.

Relapse

It was an unexpected turn-up.

A pleasing one, though.

I can't figure what I am feeling now.

*****

It is getting to me. The loneliness.

A sense of frustration is creeping into me. Frustration with my life.

I hope the impending change will bring about more meaning, more happiness, less booze in my life.


I haven't admitted to this for a long while, but I miss having someone terribly.

Someone to hold hands with. Someone to hug. Someone to have dinner with and talk cock to every night. Someone to laze around with at home, doing nothing yet feeling totally blissful. Someone to watch all the silly movies with. Someone to travel the world with.

Someone I can call when I have frivolous things to rave about - like seeing an 'SFM743' at the same carpark.

Someone to talk about hopes and dreams.

Someone to feel inexplicably connected with - like another me in a totally different flesh.


Hugging my nephew, seeing Babemama breastfeed Baby Marcus, seeing how hubby cares for them, listening to friends talk about their kids.

It is all getting to me.

In my idealistic world, I would've been one of them by now.

But now, I am nowhere getting near that.


I used to frown at the idea of living a predictably boring life - just like any other young Singaporean couple. Bringing the kid to the pool, going out for dinner with Grandpa and Grandma, doing grocery shopping on a weekend, rushing home after work, giving up party time with friends. Eeew.

Now, I almost wish I had a predictably boring life. Hur.


I don't really want to end up with Hoe or Heine every night, but now they are my only constant companion.

I am getting so tired of this.

Yet I fear loneliness.


One day, hopefully, I will be one of them.

*****

So... what now?

First thing I have to do: figure out what exactly I am going to do when August comes.

Then, I am gonna get myself a new puppy.

And then, I am going to move out where I have enough space for three dogs.

Yeah - that sounds like some kind of a plan.

World Cup 2006 MHP

"Harry Kewell is actually very cute."

A simple message from me to Sasy prompted what's to follow.

Ladies and gentlemen... the 1st team MHP.

(In no particular order)

Baek Ji Hoon (Korea)



Keiji Tamada (Japan)



Kaka (Brazil)



Reyes Jose Antonio (Spain)



Xabi Alonso (Spain)



Luis Garcia (Spain)



Raul (Spain)



Tim Cahill (Australia)



Harry Kewell (Australia)



Michael Ballack (Germany)



Hidetoshi Nakata (Japan)




Disclaimer #1: We are no bimbotic female football viewers. It's just an instinctive reaction from the female species towards the male species. And we were just plainly bored to death with the almost-predictable scorelines.

Disclaimer #2: The above selection is purely a result of Sasy's judgement. I tend to disagree to a slight extent. I mean, Ballack?!?! And where the hell is Thierry Henry?!


My bet?

It's a three-way tie between Kewell and Luis Garcia and Nakata.

Results to be announced at the end of the World Cup 2006.

Stay tuned.

Marcus

World... Meet Baby Marcus.

Born June 20, 2006 at 1532h to my proud Babemama.



You're gonna grow up to be a handsome playmate for my little man.

Of Scum and More Scum

I didn't really mean to say this: that all men are scummy.

It might just offend some of my friends out there.

Still, it suffices to say: most men are scum-worthy.


No. Nothing terrible happened to me this time round in HK.

I just encountered some incident that just solidified my conviction.

That most men, if left alone and with no conscience, are scum-worthy.


And of all breeds of the male species, cabbies are probably the scummiest.

Have you ever noticed the pretty double standards of cab drivers?

That if you were to hop onto any cab at the airport terminals, every single cabbie would jump out of their cars to help you with the luggage? Suckers.

But if you were to flag down a cab along the roadside anywhere else on the island with a huge luggage by your side, none of them scummy cabbies would get their butts out of their vehicles and help you with the luggage? Fuckers.

Is that standard protocol?


Scum-bags.

Hong Kong

Finally. I'm home.

The eleven-day trip to HK was nothing but fun and full of memories.

*****

Days one to three were a blissful time with my chicks.

We had so much fun together, though we did nothing particularly touristy but sleeping-eating-drinking-watching football.

The pictures tell.










*****

Then came a week of pure boring, tear-inducing meetings.

Finally... My little man reappeared.



The last few days of my trip were nothing but touristy stuff this time.

Finally, I did the ferry to Macau.





It was a revelation - how 'new' the now-extinct Yaohan was in Macau.



The tiniest steam-roller I've ever seen.



I wished, for so many times during the trip, that I had a pram too.




I love Macau for the eclectic mix of old and new, of European and Chinese.



A sore thumb, the Calvin Klein store was - in the midst of the bustling old town.



I would never, ever eat this.



Er... neither would I ever name my shop this way.



The magnificently beautiful ruins of Saint Paul's cathedral.



Mom, and her grandkid.



This is how my nephie poops. Not pray.



And this is how much my nephie and I are in love with each other.




Ocean Park. A first for me too.



This is not an alien. It's just a sotong.






Another first. A ride up to the Peak.





*****

I have never enjoyed HK this much.

Still, I don't regret my decision.

=)

Spirited!

"I like your spirit."

I suppose I should start to love my spirit too, then. =)

Lost in Transition

Fuck. Another victory to the English hooligans.

Urgh. And I was stuck in a stinking rowdy English pub, getting my toes stepped on and my pants damp from spilled beer.

Idiots.


The meetings are long and dreary.

And the air-conditioning here seems free-of-charge.

I frequent Starbucks so often (I'm not being atas - the local coffee here sold in the 'char can tang' is so undrinkable), I think the barista is already trying to pick me up. Nice - might get me some free skinny lattes, except the chap looks ten years younger than I.

On the one hand, I can't wait to get back home and hang out with all my girls again. Yet on the other, I kinda relish being far away from familiarity and dousing myself in strangeness for the moment.

I think I can easily pass off as a 'Hongkie'.

And while I dread being stuck in a cold room ten hours everyday, I am cherishing every moment spent in there.

I am going to miss this.


"How are you?"

I don't know, really.

Just weird all over inside.

Anti-England

I don't know if it's got anything to do with the interactions in recent days, but I sure haven't been thinking, nor wishing, about anything at all.

I had a weird dream - again - last night.

Yes, the kind that got me waking up momentarily and still dreamily, wondering to myself if it were really a dream or a reality.

I received a message at the end of a normal conversation over msn that went: Love you.

I remember I got so thrown off - in my dream, at least - I didn't know if I should reply.


Anyhow. It meant nothing. It still doesn't.

I think.

*****

It was funny.

Three girls on a queen bed.

Too bad I am the most oblivious, most unwakable, most 'zhu' one. Haha.

I don't think anyone of us got a good rest.


I am feeling better.

I have gotten more advice and tips than I've ever expected. Thank you, God.

I hope I have the courage and 'gungho-ness' to forge ahead.

And... where the hell can I get that kind of money I need?

I'll figure that one out when I get home.


Fuck.

England won.

Then again, if you'd watched real carefully, they didn't score nothing at all. They suck.

Pit Stop

Hong Kong, Hong Kong, Hong Kong.

Am I glad to be back here, or what?

I don't know. On one hand, I am excited to be here with my chicks for the weekend - and to be catching the kick-off of what everyone else in the world is waiting for. On the other, the stupid rainy weather has totally, absolutely spoilt my mood.

Urgh.


Eleven days.

That's the total number of days I'll be spending in HK this time.

A bit too long, but I hope things fly by. I already cannot wait to get home to catch all the remaining games with all my chums.

Three key items on my itinerary. A weekend with the chicks. Then, a week long of meetings. And finally, another weekend with my family. My mom's first-ever trip overseas (Malaysia not counted) - I am happy for her, and I'm happy to be around.

I hope I brought enough stuff - cos I don't intend to buy anything at all here.

Ok, except for that doggie Brazil jersey I saw at the window just now. Pipes would look absolutely adorable, but too bad, I won't be able to bring her along to any pub.

*****

My last overseas meetings. My last season for the folks.

I am already starting to feel something amiss inside of me.


The deed was done on the very first day of the work-week.

What a way to kill Monday blues. Huh.

I saw the shock on Boss's face. The disbelief on Hann's face. The disappointment-turned-encouragement on San's face.

The peace and happiness on Ivy's face.

Then the words of pride and faith came along.

"Happy for you. Think it's a good pit stop." I like that - 'pit stop'.

I still have to grapple with the emotions, but deep inside, I know I must've done the right thing for myself.

The thoughts of not having an income very soon put me into a spin - and scare the shit outta me. Depression seeps into my mind and threatens to take over, but hey, why the hell am I getting depressed over my own fears?

I will work a way out. And I will be happy.


I may have to face many concerned questions at the meetings next week.

I hope, somehow over this weekend, I can find answers to everything with a look of confidence, and a huge smile on my face.

I have forgotten how the old me used to look.


"Just do what you think is right."

You. Thanks for being there, and much more thanks for supporting me.

"the impending excitement is indescribable"

The feeling is so... so strange.

So strange, it actually feels like I'm going through another break-up.

I teared.

Except, it gets me down for a lot less while.


I should be feeling liberated. And happy. And exhilerated.

Not sad.

Like I am.


But I knew it was coming. The sadness.

So. I will deal with it.

With lots of pride. And reclaimed confidence.


My decision might create some ripples in some people left behind.

But please know. Please know my decision might bring me to a more colorful world where I should belong.

I believe in that. I have nothing left now, but lots of self belief.


"I'm happy for you. You did a brave thing. Don't worry, everything happens for a reason in life. Life is not a misadventure....just remember that, everything has a reason : )"

A simple message over the email was good enough.

Good enough to make me smile again.


I am looking forward to my life. A life where I should be happy - once again.

D-Day

"There's something about an unknown destination that makes you feel alive..."

=] It pleases me. It says it all. All that I'm feeling inside now.


Tomorrow, it is.

I think I'm done with all the thinking - yes there's always no end to it, but for now, I'm just done with it.

It's just time to open up my heart, unleash my wild dreams, throw away my Nikes, heave up my skirt and jump right into the deep blue ocean.

Fearful of what lies beneath the dark blue surface, I am also excited by the colors of life I'm about to see.

Nothing pumps your adrenaline like the need to feel, and stay, alive.


Wish me luck. In my life ahead. =)

Befuddled

"Brudda, if I could, I would have long ago."

Get a new cover for my bledy phone, that is. Just so the silly battery would stop popping out all the time.

I don't mind my phone. Except for the fact that it is big and bulky and it never fails to make me a joke in any social circumstance.

"Wah, bomb ah?" or "Eh, still carrying your bomb around ah?" or "Which era one, your phone?"

Fuck.

And oh, for the fact that the silly battery keeps popping out.

Otherwise, I love you, my beautiful red Z1010. And you know why.


Anyhows, I still popped into the shop today just to see if I could be titillated, in any remote way, by any phone.

A couple made me interested but not quite seduced.

And then, there's that Atom deal that is still hanging in the air.

Aiyo, God. Why won't you make even a simple decision like this easier for me?


*****

I have been dying to go to the movies.

But when an invitation came over the phone just a while ago, I am hesitating.

Movie invitations are sometimes not as simple as they should be.

Life... *sigh*

石头，剪刀，布

When will
0 be always greater than 2,
2 always greater than 5,
and 5 always greater than 0?

=]

The War of the MSN Nicks

It all started out with me - again. (Who else, but the ah-lian gang leader?)

"Kill me... before lunch"

"Kill me... during lunch"

"Kill me - if I ever go to lunch"

In the end, it was: "I'm dead... before lunch"

We do have a lot of love to go around, you see.