What Now?

Finally. Someone called.

Thank you, Big Guy.

But, just like I always seem to have a 'but', You also always seem to have a way to tease my brain around, don't You?

You always have me caught in a dilemma, with a huge life-changing decision to make.

And I am not always good with decisions. In fact, I can be really bad. You know that.

So, should I then choose to do what I don't really think I want to do in the first place?

URGH.

Daydream

*Lao chui nua*

I just saw the Z4 zip me by.

That is the kind of stuff real dreams should be made of.


*Poof*

Boo-boo

A text came in and shocked the socks off me.

"Ok tats good. Luv u."

#&%^)&!@!!??

"Oei! Don't anyhow send message to me and get me into trouble hor?!"

And that is what happens when you're pretty close to 'Hunny' on the telephone list.


But of course, me being me, the imagination starts running a tad wild.

"You'd better be texting to hunny, which is your wifey ah."

I don't really want to know how this world could rot any more than it already has.

The Office

I would like to think that I still adore my other 'office' here at Starbucks, but it is getting crowded.

There are the kids who chatter non-stop when they are supposed to plug in to their iPods and be studying. Gossip about boyfriends and girlfriends and the newest brands in town or the next happening party so-and-so's throwing.

Then, there are the few young and serious-but-still-hip-looking people (exactly like me) who look like they are also setting up a rental-free office base here together with me. Which means they are in competition with me - for space, and for the precious power points.

And then, there are increasingly more office folks who seem to like taking their mid-afternoon meetings out-of-office these days. I don't really mean to eavesdrop, but yes, it's mostly idle discussion. Read: more distasteful gossip for my ears.

At the lowest point, this place feels like a library and I feel like I'm back to my mugging days.

At the highest? This place is worse than the kopitiam at my place, and I wish I had .44 Magnum in my bag.


Strangely enough, with the lively crowd it is housing, this place still feels like a freezer.

I am done with shivering and sitting on my hands and jumping like a monkey on the couch.

I'm out.

The Lost Wit

I am wearing my Favorite Shirt of The Moment again. My best acquisition from the Kong, so far - I love that outlet store anytime.

I call it 'The Pajama'. Self-explanatory.

Just when I needed it, it feels very comforting knowing I can be good ol' sloppy me again. Without giving a damn.


With some new folks I met, I tried to pass off as a 'freelance-writer' - unintentionally. Thanks to a friend who interjected, with all good intention no less, in the midst of my self-introduction.

But thanks also to my intense wit, my acting didn't fail me. "Your answers are so creative, I can see why you're a writer."

Huh! Talk-cock meets talk-cock.

But then, my intense wit also seems to be failing me elsewhere. Which, if proven true, would have realized one of my greatest fears - that I have no more comebacks.

How can that be? Tell me, how can?!

So. Yes, or no?

Maybe yes, I still do - except that maybe also, some people have just irritatingly managed to put me down to my intense-wits' end. Over time.

Irritating.


*****

Yesterday, the Red Shooter and I were down at the Monfort School, trying to cover the badminton story.

Me: Hey, next time we should just take our lunches in the school canteens. Cheeeap cheeeap.
Red Shooter: Yeah, good idea. But will they charge more for adults?
Me: Er... no, I don't think so.


Today, the Red Shooter went on another assignment without me. But obviously I wasn't forgotten when the text came in over the phone.

Red Shooter: Canteen food so cheap!
Me: Baaasket.


Tsk!!! What kind of comeback is that?

Even I am disgusted.

I think I've lost it. =/

"Come here... Come here..."

I need to babble.

I probably wouldn't need to if I would have mechanisms of an android, and I could simply open up a little trap door somewhere hidden beneath my thick tuft of hair and let everything fly out.

An empty airhead sounds like a better state of being today.


Then again, I can't really babble here. Nor anywhere else. Nor to anyone else.

Loneliness does seem scarier than the ghostly apparition that appeared in my room last night and beckoned me over.

Or maybe... that was it.

That was Loneliness himself in my room last night.

"Siao."

Tsk. Of course, I am.

If I was not, I wouldn't be the awesome Fatmama.


I am a little tired.

Sometimes, saying neither anything nor nothing helps me.

Before I learn the ropes, better just smile and refrain.

Kwenchana.

Back to Life, Back to Reality

After but one short intensive week of festive craziness, I know life is finally spiralling back toward normalcy when...

... after all the pretty dresses and shoes are back into the vault, I have no more reason not to return to my otherwise all-year-round diet of tees/sneakers/caps. Bye bye Pretty, hello Tomboy.

... my sleeping pattern is back to usual, and so are all the disturbances and the nightmares and the sitting-up-at-four-in-the-morning. Already on the first day, I've had it real bad. Rested, but spooked and tired = Not rested.

... I find myself starting to worry about stuff again, and then all the depressing thoughts about life being larger than I can handle start pervading my sea of brain cells again.

... the list of 'online' contacts is looking more decent again, especially with my chicks in full attendance.

... Mom's stopped being sweet and nice, and started all the naggings again.

... I find myself once again waiting for that sweet-sounding chime of my phone.


Life, as I have never been through before. Not even when I was only all of fifteen.

So, this really is it.

"Hi, I'm... "

I couldn't help but chuckle in the signature Fatmama-style when I first heard it. I must've sounded rude, but I had also just been spooked.

The spookiness is just too much, I am starting to find it actually comedic.

It is but a three-letter word.

Still, I'm lovin' it.


Some people laugh at my obsession toward Hangook dramas.

They can laugh all they want, but I don't really bother anymore. I tried, but failed. So I am no longer trying to explain myself. After all, it's not like I've been bugging anyone to watch one with me.

Call me 'bimbo', call me 'wacko', call me 'hopeless', call me anything you want. But would you even understand if I'd said that for a silly fool like me who for half the time is still trying to fit into reality, the dramas have become my haven, my outlet, my fantasy?

For one moment every day, I would at least feel a sense of belonging - albeit toward a twelve-inch luminescent screen.

After all, where else in this world can you find two equally crazy people who would do anything and give up everything for that crazy little thing called love?


The man of my dreams?

I still can't decide if it's gonna be the pai-kia-in-pain Cha Mu-hyeok, or the suave-prince-in-denial Seol Gong-chan, or the man-child Lee Young-jae.

Whoever it is, it doesn't really matter to me.

You see, at least I know 'the man of my dreams' is but a dream. :)

Discovery

This is surely an unusual Friday night where I am actually not hanging out with the chicks.

Instead, I am sitting at the cafe again, this time by the beach, waiting for time to pass till the clock strikes nine and somewhere else beckons.

The Bean is void of human life form but Scruffy is not.

The Bean has some pathetic boyband tunes and sappy love songs playing over the system, but Scruffy has not.

Because Scruffy has possibly got the most awesome live acoustic band I've ever seen.

And I am probably the happiest person around tonight, 'cos I'm enjoying Americano at regular-brew price and eavesdropping at the awesome music from next door.

Sue me.


Have I ever said I love love love live bands to bits?

Well, I absolutely do. :)


Edit: Pardon the following expression, but... fuck! I actually know the singer from the band! And I am lucky enough tonight to catch their act here 'cos they are only here on a one-night-stand. I am so blessed sometimes, I think.

Absolutely Freaked

Oh very dear me! I think I just made an erroneous weather report.

Just as I got on the highway at half-past-four and started my drive from the west to the east, the sky turned entirely grey.

And it POURed like mad. Throughout the journey.

Big-time.

Oh dear.

Freaky Friday

Can't believe that out of the blue on an otherwise hot sunny day, some dark clouds just had to gather for albeit a short while.

And it POURed.

"A Little Place"

We outdid ourselves this round: eight, out of seven.

The best kind of surprises are always the sweetest ones.

Awesome. :)


Time is never enough.

If we had forty-eight-hour days, we would have double amount of stuff we had to do. We would also have twice as much desires. We might possibly then have two times more happy occasions to cheer over, but also potentially two times more disapointing moments to deal with.

So, the actual amount of time is not a problem. How we live through what we have though is what really matters.

And if we live like we know there is a 'deadline' to our time spent with anyone, if we live like we know we might never get to see a tomorrow together again, the life lived could be much, much sweeter.

Less fights, more hugs. Less 'sorrys', more 'thank yous'. Less tears, more laughter. Less unkindness, more patience.

Less bads, more goods.

And then, when that end comes, there might possibly be much less sadness.

Because, like I've always believed, if we had really lived a life for everyday we had, alone or together, there would be a lot of adventures to experience, a lot of stories to tell.

The best kind of stories are always the sweetest memories you want to keep in the deepest of your pockets - forever.

And here's what I've learned. Always maximize. And always, always laugh together.


I may be a crazy idealist. I may be a hopeless romantic.

I may be a kind fool. I may be a happy-go-lucky ditz.

Whatever. I don't actually want to stop being childlike. Because even if I had wanted to, I just can't.


And so, because of all these, I may have forgotten a lot about sleep but in return, I have collected new stories to tell and I have had much laughter to keep me going.

I've seen more, heard more, learnt more, done more. But most of all, I think I might have remembered how to love again, though in my way.

So why shouldn't I be happy?


I am happy enough to know I have "a little place".

I can't ask for anything.


"So this is it."

Again.

It has been awesome.

Icky

I feel like a bloated camel.

I have been aching all over for days.

And I haven't been getting much needed rest too.

A bloated camel with dark rings in pain. Got that picture?

Very glam indeed.

Edited

So I've flouted a bit of my own rule. Just a teeny weeny bit. So I think I can be pardoned.

After all, prudence is the best antidote now.


Down rolled the window, a couple of polite greetings and sweet smiles exchanged, and then, that wave of the arm.

Twice in a night, barely two minutes apart.

It was awesome.

Can't believe it.

Lagonfried

There's something else I can't believe too.

That I'm a fuckin' Lagonfry member now. And I always refute when people call me 'Lian'.

Well, I still have something to say: I want to be 'Huay', can?


I don't know about tonight. But it has been five, out of five.

And that suffices.

I don't have to ask for anything more.


I've been thinking about the last time when I was really happy. Like, reeeeaally happy.

When I couldn't even, then, think of any one thing I was unhappy about.

I remember it vividly.

I am probably not quite close to it right now.

But then, things change. Circumstances change. Values change. And most of all, the people change.

So I can't keep thinking of what had been.

But if I think of what is now... I think I am sufficiently happy.

Surreality

Can't believe it's already Wednesday. Which only means the next Friday's coming soon...

Ah well. It is for the better.

It should, shouldn't it?

There's just so much, too much crazy shit.


But most of all, I still can't believe we actually found the 'zhay bee hoon'.


"Don't tell me..."

Yes, I won't. And I can't. And I am not anyway.

I am still going strong.

*Pat pat*

Falling

Some little monstrous bird told me something, and I liked what I heard.


So yes, maybe it is right. That the 'falling in love' bit is the best part of it all. Always.

Most exciting. Most memorable. Most fun. Happiest. Sweetest.

Everything else beyond that 'falling in love' stage is dangerous. Potentially heartaching. Possibly pain-inducing. You could probably end up being worse off. All because of that "E"-word.


So now, I think I know what I want.

I only want to keep falling in love.

And if I could really have it my own way, I only just want to fall in love every single day.

On The Eve of The Eve

Can't believe this is Friday...


I am still feeling a tad dumpy, but everyone else around me seems to be in the festive mood already, and more importantly, there're bigger things awaiting me tonight.

Yeah so, I think I should be done with the letters for the week. I ought to get into the 'mood' too.

I've just received the activation message.

Just three more hours to go before the night begins for real.

*****

It's a strangely warm feeling I haven't had for a long, long while.

Excited, yet uncertain.

Happy, yet fearful.

And the action's all happening in the tummy.

Are they butterflies? Or, are they gastric juices from the inability to eat anything the whole day?

I guess I will find out tonight.

Babe

The newfound babe kept insisting I look like some Hong Kong actress, but she just couldn't name her.

No big deal. 'Cos someone once said I looked like some Taiwanese actress and got me all excited. Till I googled and found out she's some 40-something soft porn actress.

Compliments sometimes don't actually compliment, you know.

*****

The newfound babe also asked what I was doing, and so I told her the truth.

"Oh! So you're nothing lah!"

Ouch. That hurt. :(


Hmph.

One day, I'll be something. Something very, very big. And very powerful. And very scary too.

*****

The newfound babe is still a babe. Vivacious and full of spunk.

That's why I would promise her my autograph on my poster the next time we meet.

Checkout

There's a reason why I would love my boys so much.


"Wee wee!! It's you!"

A young chap who was looking quite the dude and who kept looking at me while we were both crossing the busy street turned out to be one of my boys. Yes, one of 'em boys whom I try to love dearly but who always pull the 'disappearing stunt' on me.

"... Ya looking hot. Can't believe I was checking you out!"

My head almost rolled off onto the floor.

Ok, you just made my day. Now, I will forgive you for ignoring my calls and messages, and I will really consider being your sugar-mummy.


I am bad at this. Being on the receiving end.

When old farts check me out, I throw them dirty, incredulous looks.

When gorgeous dudes check me out, I turn all shy, and very flustered. REALLY.

When not-so-gorgeous ones check me out, I pretend not to notice.

When my boys check me out, I turn all unglam and start cackling away like a witch.

Tell me, how?

Tackled

My favorite bartender gave me a blue paper rose, and also passed me a note on a piece of napkin.

"Drink up! Need to buy you the next drink. May I?"

Er...


Me: Help!!
PI: Why?
Me: Got hark hark want to tackle single chick at the bar.
Pi: Pi will scare hark hark away in a while, but need to pee first.

See?

That's what real friends are for.

Fatmama Loves...

Yes, yes, it's Valentine's. And I see couples all around me at my usual hangout - gay couples, straight couples.

I think I am the only solo one here tonight.

Pi: U r at vb?
Me: Yeah. Alone. Sniffs.
Pi: I saw ur car when I went to toilet...

Sniff sniff sniff!!


Anyhoos.

I am not whining. And I am not feeling sorry for myself.

On the contrary, I am very glad that my chicks have other plans tonight. Especially those on hot dates.

See, we share enough love amongst ourselves every other day. Yeah, give others a chance.


There has been much that I've seen in recent times.

Holy unions. Proposals. Wedding plans. Parenthood. Couplehood. Courtships. New loves. New lusts. Flings. New buddyhoods. Restored sister-/brother-hoods. Break-ups. Rocky marriages. Ugly fights. Abuses hurled. Lost loves. Trial-and-errors. Friendships broken.

I have seen lots of love going around. And I have seen love being abused.

And through it all, I can't really figure out the world I am living in now.

I hope I am not alone.


Where there is love, there has to be the best kind of friendship, and lots and lots of kindness. And of course, lust.

But the point is: while lust is important, lust alone ain't enough.

Friends who attempt to take things a little further because of newfound mutual lust, but forget all about the friendship in the first place and start hurling abuse at each other when "things" fail, are the ones who lose the most.

Because they lose it all.


I love a lot of people. I really, really do.

I love my little prince who owes me a Tiffany ring.

I love my girls who have no qualms licking my tears away.

I love all my chicks whom I'm prepared to grow old and spend the rest of my life with.

I love my boys (my brother inclusive) whom I adore to bits, though it might very well be a one-way thing.

I love my Babemama and her little boy who also seems to love Auntie Fatmama.

And I love monsters who torment me.

V's

It's Valentine's, and I have no hot date, no flowers, no chocolates, no nothing.

Not that I really give a damn... 'cept that maybe I shouldn't have made that trip downtown to see my favorite man.

But then, even all my chicks have their own stuff going on tonight and can't keep me company.

Now, that's double whams!!!


Happy V's.

If no one loves you, you have me. :)

Auntie 殺手

So I walked up to the counter and made my usual kopi-o order.

Me: Auntie! Kopi-o, 今天要包的.
Auntie: 小妹, 今天不放紙杯啊?
Me: 今天不夠錢, 不可以用紙杯. 我只有七毛.

And then, all the three aunties behind the counter started cackling.

I haven't seen them laugh this much, not to me at least. I felt good; I must've made their day early in the morning.


Sometimes, I really try very hard. I try very hard not to seem like I am acting cute.

But if I can't help it, if I am really cute... what to do?

數大象

Ok, so this is... three-hundred-forty-seven? Or, is it four-hundred-fifty-two?

It is no longer worrying. And I am no longer joking.

This is instead getting very, very annoying.


I think I'll start with the ellies tonight.

They are huger. They saunter. They can't possibly jump over fences.

So, yeah. Ellies should really bore me to zzz.


I kinda knew this might happen again tonight - after that very scary conversation with the monster.

*R A W R !*


"Molly the monster pimp" so so so reminds me of someone.

Single Mom

Can't quite believe this. That almost nineteen months on, someone's still asking about "Gracie's daddy".

"No more daddy. Gracie has no daddy. I'm a single mom."

And then, a good gracious laugh to round it off.


And then...


"What happened? The X-man creeping back into your life again?"

Really. Again, I don't know from where that came about.

Hmm.


To quell all worries, no one is screwing me up. Except maybe myself.

But I kinda love myself too much to screw myself up, anyway.

It really must be the time of the month. Trust me!

:)


*****

"So then, got new boyfriend already ah?"

"No lah! I'm a single mom with two kids. Who would want?"

Cranking

"... Smile, smile, smile..."

Where did that come from?

How could you tell from there?


It must just be the time of the month.

數棉羊

... ... One hundred twenty-three meh-eh... One hundred twenty-four meh-eh... One hundred twenty-five meh-eh... ...


I have already lost count, but this feels like the three-hundred-and-forty-sixth time it's been happening to me.

Insomnia, that is.

Tonight, it seems a little worse. Now I can't even get my eyes to shut again.


And 娘娘's watching movie on YouTube now.

I am baffled.


... ... One hundred sixty-eight meh-eh... One hundred sixty-nine meh-eh... One hundred seventy meh-eh... ...

Despair

Dear God,

Please... Please give me a phonecall tomorrow.

Please.

Anything. Anywhere.

Love,
ME

"万歲, 万歲, 万万歲..."

I wasn't really quite "activated" but I could feel it. I could feel the calling.

After all, it's the 皇后娘娘 Week.

Yes, yes. My 娘娘's birthday celebration begins officially today - and shall last for the next seven days, just like a traditional Indian wedding.

One wish every day, and today's commandment was simple: No one is to say "NO" to 娘娘.

All the poor 丫頭們s. We are all so looking forward to our own birthdays this year. Hmph.


Considering there were whites and illusions and lots of sex on Day One, I figure it's going to be a very tough fun week for me.

And then, there's Friday...

Zero... Zero... Zero...

Oops, the girl I see almost everyday at the cafe spoke to me again.

"Hey, what happened to you? You look like you've lost some weight."

"Is it? Got meh?"

Hee hee hee hee hee... Hur hur hur hur hur.

But perhaps, it only serves to prove my fears right. That the results are already starting to show in the undesired parts of the anatomy. After all, that's all she can see of me from behind that damn service counter.

=/


Well, it seems I do have a conscience after all.

After a week of decadence which culminated in two huge orders of hum coupled with three bottles of Tsingtao, I put myself - very willingly - through a gruelling regimen over the otherwise unhappening weekend.

I think I might have just done twenty-five clicks over three days.

*Pat pat pat pat pat*


It's not just the running that has made me so pleased. It's also the fact that I have kept myself ab-SO-lute-ly vice-free over the weekend.

I do know a trick or two about self-pleasure, don't I?

But then, staying away from vices has its price-tag. You end up being such a recluse, your brain rots away and you feel like you haven't been out at the playground for days and you haven't seen your chicks in weeks.

It is that bad.

So, Mondays have been my happiest day of the week recently. Everyone comes back online, and resumes chatting with me again because they are so bored at their desks.

And then, there's the expected activation in the evening.

Yes, we are the antithesis.

And it feels real darn good to be a lil' different. :)


Today, I take a break from the pounding.

But I'm gonna hit the pool.

And then, I'm going home and taking out that damn pair of jeans from the cupboard.

*Paws crossed*

The Attack of The Kamsahamnidas

Help! Someone, help me!

I am plagued by the Kamsahamnida bug. They pop up everywhere I go.

Especially at the Sixth.

And it's always a different bunch of Kamsahamnidas. Either they are a bunch of tai-tais, or they are some very nerdy (read: NOT gorgeous) dudes.

Just today, there was a tiny little toddling babe who went "Omma! Omma!" the entire afternoon. Too cute.

I think it's an omen.

First, learn the speak. Then, plan the walk.

One phrase a day. Yeah, that's what I will do.

*****

"... I am very scared. I think I'm going to be raped by Kamsahamnida tonight..."

So.

It seems I'm not the only one with a Kamsahamnida problem.

Good luck, hunny.

難到我真的該當陪酒妹嗎？

Over the past few days...

Me to many friends: No, I have never really thought hard about the banking industry. I don't think I can survive in there.


Over just one pint of Pilsner...

Me to Sasy (with a very no-nonsense furrowed-brow look): I think I should become a night club hostess or something.


Yes of course, there were the expected guffaws all 'round the table. But they didn't deter me from justifying my seemingly crazy outburst.

Seriously. It's a very logical career option for me right now.

One: I am an owl. Daylight seems to zap the spunk outta me. Even kopi-o seems to have lost its eye-opening powers. I am so lifeless by day, yet so restless by night. While most other people call themselves 'early-risers' and find their mornings the most productive time of the day, I call myself a 'late-sleeper' and find myself most alive in the most dead of the night. (If I am owl, then they must be cocks. Hiak.)

Two: I love fun. I love movement. I love laughter. I've always believed I should find all that in my work. Numbers and excel spreadsheets depress me. So do black suits and Braun Buffel document bags.

Three: I'm pretty good with the drinks. Maybe I ought to finally put that to good use, and earn me some big fat tips. $$$$$

Four: I am female, I have long hair, I can manja if I want to, I can look twenty-two if I really want to. That's already skewing down to a very small competitive sector in the job market out there.

Five: No prior relevant experience is necessarily required. I think.

So, why not?

I just don't know how and where to start. Maybe I need some referral.

And maybe I do need to invest in a tight, mini-cheongsam this new year after all.


*****

"... i know it can get quite bitchy one... who knows? maybe i survive best as a bitch myself..."

Sundowners

Time check: 2:58 p.m.

Pi: Yoohoo... Sundowners.

*#&@%&^$^*@%^!^???

Me: Haha. Sun is still very bright and high up in the sky.

Pi: At brewerkz alrdy with ser.


Sigh.

I can't wait for the day we start the 'sunupper' trend.

Lean Meat

So, I am well on my way toward becoming that lean, mean fighting machine called ME. Or, at least I hope I am.

A night of lazing on my bed with a gorgeous Han-gook dude led me to resolve on a long run the next morning instead.

And I did. So impressive, I am.

But. But. But... I am feeling so fucking bleh now. I should think twice the next time before I get seduced by another gorgeous Han-gook dude. =/


The thing about trying to be, and actually being, a lean, mean fighting machine is that you become lean EVERYWHERE. E-VE-RY-WHERE.

And what can actually be worse than that?

That you see the results first in the most undesired areas before the desired ones.

Ok. Even worse?

That the overall results ultimately just stay that way.

How more sucky can life be?

Or maybe it's just my problem. :(

Bust

Hey Big Guy.

You ought to know, I've been trying real hard to smile and laugh everyday.

But much as I am struggling to stay positive about life, You just have to sneak in and mess me around, don't You?

Like me getting stranded in the middle of a quiet neighborhood with a ruptured tire at three in the morning.

Nah, I am not angry with You. Neither am I angry with myself nor with anyone else.

That is why the 'sorrys' came easily. I wasn't flustered, I wasn't perspiring. I was even making pathetic jabs at cracking some jokes, though I probably failed.

But yes, I was a little upset.

Like a little girl who just needed someone to give her a hug and say, "It's only a stupid punctured tire, hunny. And maybe forty bucks less from your wallet. But you're doing awesome on your own, hunny."

And then, I would have just started laughing again and replied, "Yeah, we'll be alright tomorrow."


No one was there to give me a hug, no one said I was doing awesome last night.

No one, but I wasn't alone, 'cos I knew the Big Guy was looking down at me to see how I was holding up. And I really do think I did awesome on my own last night. And I did say I'd be alright today.

See... I am good. I have already started laughing.

We'll be alright today. Promise.


Now... I gotta get that stupid punctured tire fixed.

Miss

Apparently, I am being missed elsewhere.

But some folks miss me and tell me so, drunken or not.

Some miss, but wouldn't want to admit. Tsk.


Like my mama in HK just told me she missed me today. Or, I think.

Mama: so how about you? When you are coming to HK?

Me: Mama, my money plants unfortunately don't grow money. I can't just afford to go HK anytime. =/


Plus, some people don't welcome me. =//

Bra

On a lazy, lethargic Monday afternoon, when I was supposed to be "busy", the chat started nonetheless...

"Chick" took the train all the way to Plaza Sing for lunch today. Man, am I impressed.

[16:32:23] "chick" says: i ask pam to bring me there to buy bra
[16:32:44] "chick" says: she say got discount for the one that she is wearing and she say the one she wear is comfortable
[16:32:49] "chick" says: haha
[16:32:59] ME Inc. says: eh? simi brand?
[16:33:11] "chick" says: La Stenza
[16:33:44] ME Inc. says: oh. cheap?
[16:34:04] "chick" says: ok lah
[16:34:19] "chick" says: i bought another one, cos the one that she wearing got no more size
[16:34:28] ME Inc. says: i can never buy bras i like
[16:34:43] "chick" says: this ones that i bought is 2 for $45
[16:34:47] "chick" says: so quite cheap
[16:34:51] ME Inc. says: oh, very cheap wat
[16:35:00] "chick" says: i almost bought the more ex ones, cos i didn't see the discount corner
[16:35:21] ME Inc. says: french brand?
[16:35:30] "chick" says: dunno

All I wanted to say was... I can't believe I'm talking bras with YOU online on a Monday afternoon!!!


P.S.: By the way, I am very steady one. I keep my chicks anonymous when necessary.

Vatt To Do... Vatt To Do...

Someone's gonna be really, deliriously, ecstatically happy in November. :)

[11:33:42] D says: ooi, nov 8 deepavali seah
[11:34:07] ME Inc. says: hahahhahhahaha
[11:34:09] ME Inc. says: yay!
[11:34:16] ME Inc. says: you can wear sari and get married!!!
[11:34:26] D says: Shakes Head...
[11:34:32] ME Inc. says: yay... can the bridesmaids wear sari too??
[11:34:42] ME Inc. says: i will promise to do dance for you on stage =))
[11:34:48] D says: can

Double, triple yay!!!

3-2

I hope there are no football hooligans in Bangkok.

22:09:15 ME Inc.: u never go and watch afc live?
22:09:44 Tiger Yeo: i left after half time. i noe sing will win. so i quickly left
22:09:50 Tiger Yeo: if not will kenna beaten up
22:09:52 ME Inc.: kns

No joke.




The Lions won. In convincing style.

Congrats, boys.

Un-nice

I'm not usually a 'fortune-telling' or 'horoscope' kind of person. I'm not really into astrology and zodiac signs.

Then again, I do admit that once in a long while, when I am bored and when I chance upon something interesting about my zodiac sign, or when someone offers me 'free' palmistry (I also know, it's such a lame excuse...) or reading of my personality, I lap it all in.

Sometimes, what I read only adds to my cynicism. Read it, laugh real hard, then bam! It's just poo-time reading.

Other times, I get plain shocked. It throws me into such complete disarray, it makes me wonder if it is honestly a joke or really an omen that I should encounter it in the first place.


The I.S. magazine has never really been my most favorite read, until I started hanging out at cafes in recent months.

What to do? So many free copies lying around, it's quite a perfect read when the internet connection decides to play punk.

Like it just did this afternoon.

Getting really bored and frustrated while waiting for some stupid page to load, and re-load, and re-load, I casually flipped the magazine from the back and something, which was really nothing extraordinary, on the last second page caught my eye today: "freewillastrology", said the heading.

Since I was really bored and the stupid page was still trying to load, I rolled my eyes down towards the paragraph subtitled "LIBRA (Sep 23-Oct 22)".

Almost immediately, the very first sentence stunned me into complete immobility for a few seconds.

"The disease of niceness cripples more lives than alcoholism," said writer Raymond Chandler.

The only Chandler I know has a last name Bing and sits on a couch drinking lattes and talking cock with his buddies almost everyday in a sitcom. I don't know who the fuck this Richard guy is, but why do I get the feeling he isn't a talking-cock Chandler?

Why do I get this feeling that he's talking to me, in my face?

Predictably, I read on.

That's an exaggeration, in my opinion, but I think his point is important - especially for you Libras right now. As much as I love your ability to cultivate harmony, seek out beauty, and find the common ground between people, I encourage you to let the sweet and polite sides of your nature recede into the background for a while. Emphasize feistiness and grit. Tap into the fiery, primal aspect of your nature that drove you out of your mother's womb and into this world in the hour when you were born. Be inspired by the creator gods and goddesses of ancient myth, who playfully forged millions of beautiful things using wind, mud, tears and lightning.

The last bit became a bit talk-cock and sounded a bit too deep.

But I get the gist.

Which was what I thought exactly just a few days ago.

Don't be so nice. Nice girls don't survive amongst rats.

But do run more.

Be the lean, mean fighting machine called ME.

"You're A Nincompoop"

I am back in my element again.

"The goon's found her spare, picked her car, and just got back home."

Yep, if you'd guessed it right, I did lock my car key in the trunk when I slammed the door shut a tad too quickly.

It kinda surprised me that I surprised no one. Hmm.


Thank God for spares.

And I thank God that while I am undeniably a mess, I am at least an "organized mess". :)

Fatmama-worthy

I got a call on my cell from a telemarketer, who later went, "Miss Lee, is your mobile number 9-... ...?"

D-U-H!!!

Sheesh.

聰明愛喝酒的阿妹

In my sweetest kamsa-hamnida voice, I asked the yong tau foo ajussi:

"Uncle, 麻煩你, 可以給我多點蔥頭嗎?"

"可以, 當然可以! 吃多點就會聰明!"

And then all of a sudden, it looked like I had ordered 蔥頭米粉湯.

:) Sweet.

And all of a sudden, I miss my 阿公. My cognac-loving 阿公 who also loved me enough to feed me my first sips of Tsingtao when I was all of eight years old.

"阿妹, 來, 學喝點酒. 長大后才不會容易被騙!"

阿公, you'd be so darn proud of your 阿妹 now. :)

Copypussy

"Copycat acts" can sometimes create boo-boos.

Me: Wah lau eh. I saw this couple that super duper looks like you and ken. I almost called out to 'you' in joy. Heng didn't.
Dee: What to do? We have copycat acts.
Me: Yeah, and it's always the cats who want to copy us. Tsk.
Dee: Better a bitch than a pussy any day.

Which also then led me to the 'Wow-Wee of the Day'.

That the term "copycat" must have been coined by a dog-lover - a female one, in specific.

Rrrr-uuff!

Popper, or Popped?

Some things about me apparently never change.

Will they ever? Should they?


Yes, I'm pinching myself right now.

Kamsa-Hamnidaaaa

They say my kamsa-hamnida sounds funny. No... they say it's bad.

So I became the laughing-stock the entire night.

"Eh... say leh... ha ha ha..."

"Say again leh... hur hur hur..."

"Say... say it... wa ha ha..."

Somehow, I could feel so much luurvve from the chicks whom I am probably going to grow old with.


Tonight, I am going back to my Korean dramas.

I need to listen harder this time and get my kamsa-hamnidaaa just perfect.

*Hmph*


*****

Did you know...

... that laughing-stock in Turkish is maskara?

No wonder some people always seem to wear their eye make-up funny.

Free Parking

I am so darn proud of myself today.

I haven't switched on my ignition the entire day.


A lunchtime appointment saw me taking the subway into the very peaceful, very tolerable, very cheap business district.

Unfortunately, the very same lunchtime appointment also saw me growling my way throughout the entire hour-long meeting. Very paisei, yes. But it's only normal human reaction.

"You haven't had lunch before you came?"

"No, I was babysitting my nephew the entire morning before I rushed down." And it wasn't an excuse. I am multi-talented, I am that capable.

The very hungry stomach didn't see me plonk down at just any cafe I came across after the meeting ended. I refused to spend seven bucks on two pieces of bread with butter and some greens and a few slices of turkey.

So I loitered - yes, loitered. And loitered. And loitered. Till the lunch crowd cleared from the hawker, and I devoured a bowl of hot soup for half the price. Some blisters on my high-heeled feet nonetheless, I thought it was still quite worth it.

There is not enough food in the business district. Yes, NOT enough.

Found a quiet cafe by the river. Wrote some very important emails. Discussed some stuff over the IM. Sent a couple of letters. And I was so tired, I was quite glad everyone on standby went offline by four-half and appeared in the pub down the street half an hour later.

Two pints and many rounds of tai-tee later, we decided we hated that place and hopped back to our usual haunt.

Another couple of whites later, we decided Friday's not a night to stay out late.

"How are you going home? Cab?"

"Yah lor... Wait..."

Half an hour later... "Nice bus ride home." And I meant it.


Still... I would like to say "never" but I can't.

So, I'll just say: I might just jump into the river and die if I ever have to work in the business district again. =/

*****

Sometimes I really wonder, if I could ever just live for the rest of my life without a lover but with just my chicks for companionship.

Would that be wrong?

A Happy Little Fish Called Hapyfish

Over Google Talk in the afternoon...

3:44 PM Hapyfish: psst
3:45 PM me: yoyo
3:52 PM Hapyfish: can i tell u something?
3:53 PM Hapyfish: i like reading your blog...
3:54 PM me: hahhaha... how come leh?
3:55 PM Hapyfish: i like to read cos that's how i know how u r doing...

I like it that you like it just for that reason, my happy Hapyfish.

You'll always be counted on one of my fingers. :)

Numbers

Never have I imagined I would ever be this shocked.

By mere numbers, no less.

In my own words, they made me feel totally "incapacitated".

Probably a shocker, because I had gotten more than I had expected. But more of a shocker, I suspect, because while it is one matter to be imagined, it is absolutely another to actually be confirmed.

And it wasn't even a game of 'Truth or Dare'.


Shocking as it may be, it felt... good.


Score: 3-4. You're up one. You stunned me into complete silence for a full twenty seconds.

Dammit.


Sometimes, life becomes such an interesting adventure that threatens to blow your mind away, you have to stop and pinch yourself for a minute, before you decide if you want to forge ahead.

Yeah. I am pinching myself - real hard - right now.

Flawed

While I was conjuring up some character references for myself (yes people, that's how the world functions), I got to thinking about my character flaws. Flaws that are innate and may never be corrected. Flaws that make me so me. Flaws that I don't necessarily, and personally, think are flaws.

But still, they remain flaws that in the silly rat-eat-rat world, will always be flaws. Flaws that make me seem so vulnerable, so stupid. Flaws that don't make me feel like I belong anywhere.

So they say, only the fittest will survive. In any animal kingdom, especially in the rat-eat-rat world.

So, since obviously running wouldn't work, do I drop my niceness in order to be fit?


It is times like this, exactly like this very moment, where I feel like I should just marry some rich fart and be a childbearing tai-tai machine, who does nothing everyday but breastfeed my child and buy new shoes.

Isn't that just lovely?


=/

Names

"Ella!"

"Ella??"

"Hi Ella..."

"Simi Ella?"

So, people think I've gotten a new name. Thanks to my Hebe(wannabe)-chick.

Come to think of it, I had kinda resigned myself to the pretty obvious. None of the other two chicks could've carried off the 'tomboy' role.

I accept my fate.

Anyhoos, "Ella" does sound better than "Ka Ching!" - which, if inappropriately enunciated, could confuse me for some undesirable part of one's anatomy.

Imagine my beaming joy when the 'gorgeous one' pinged me with an "Ella!", and not that awful but memorable nickname he coined me. :)


In the meantime, I was entasked by my lady-boss with thinking up a new name for a new concept.

Without really thinking much, I threw out "Hei Hei Hei" and something else which sounds like "tampon", but they were all frowned upon. C'mon!

No one has a sense of humor anymore. Or maybe, it's just me. =/

A forty-five minute run later, I got it. :)


I haven't quite decided if I should find a new address for my journal.

But in the meantime, I'm giving this one a new name. A brand-name I ought to copyright, and a maxim that should chart my life journey from now.

Yeah, I am going to send in that letter.