Fool

Spent half an hour queueing for nasi lemak, before heading to Adams to grab some dessert. Buying dinner alone took me more than an hour.


Gave the man something for 'good luck' before his check tomorrow morning.

I had bought it while in Seattle - it makes a very appropriate gift for him, I thought, especially when he gets his own place. I hope he doesn't take it wrongly. The gift has no implicit meaning. I just think it would look nice on his desk, and make him feel proud.

It is only a 'good luck' gift.


Do I seem like I'm still putting in undue effort into this?

I am not so sure myself. There are certain things that I just want to do. Not to please anyone, but just to be true to myself.

Will I regret it?

Regret comes only when you have expectations against your efforts. I don't know what expectations I have - nor if I have any in the first place.

I don't know why there's this reproaching voice in my head that keeps saying, "You're a fool."

But all great lovers are made up of fools, aren't they?


Why do you say what you say? And why do you do what you do?

How can I trust when you don't say what you do, and when you don't do what you say?

Maybe you can teach me a thing or two.

I just don't want to be a fool no more. Or, should I say, I just don't want to be the wrong kind of fool?

A fool who hurts herself, or a fool who gives up on you, after standing by you for so long a time. Perhaps too long a time.