Thank You

I am full of words, but I am also at a loss at what to say. Or even what to think, anymore.

I am also physically really tired - my eyes are dry, my shoulders are aching, I can't even catch a proper breath sitting down. I really need my bed and some good rest. And the dinner of butter crabs is not making it easier fo me to stay awake.

I had no idea intense mental activity can wear your physical body out to this extent. No wonder I could never study more than three hours straight in my schooling days.

But here I am, sitting at my cafe once more. Trying hard to think. Trying hard to figure the whole story out. Trying hard to understand why my life is so embroiled with others, and how I can pull myself out of the mess without burdening anyone with more questions.

But I am really here tonight, because I think I need to give the man some space, and I think he'll be needing some tonight.


I appreciate all my friends who know I'm going through some rough times now, but who also understand the need for me to keep my woes out of our conversations. Friends understand there's only so much they can do as friends. I know my friends feel for me, and would die to protect me from harm.

They see me laughing hard everyday, but they probably know my heart is crying. Thank you for not asking more than I am able to say to you right now.

I know some of them never had a good feeling about the man, but they also respect the fact that I see good things in him that no one else does. What is deemed good to one may not be so for another. They respect the fact that a relationship exists between only two persons, and that however much they can say to me, I'm the one who sees it all. They probably know that love is unexplanable, and sometimes needs no reasoning. Not especially to them.

I don't talk because no one else will really understand what goes on between the two of us, except for the two of us. If there's anyone who should talk about this to me, it would be the man himself. Anyone else might lead me astray from the real issues on hand.

Some probably think I'm a fool, that I'm blind, and have probably given up on me. That will not bother me. I live for my own beliefs.

Thank you to those who have expressed admiration and respect for my ability to love, despite everything.


Despite my unwavering love, I am by no means a foolish woman. I still keep my senses intact and faithful to my soul. I can see and I can tell a lot of things going on beyond my sights.

And why am I not saying anything thus far? Because I still have some faith left in the man.


One man's friend can sometimes turn out to be another's fiend.

By no ill intentions, perhaps, of course.

But it is getting pretty obvious to me that you're no longer acting in the capacity of a friend, because you have personal feelings involved. You no longer are just a friend because whatever happens of the two persons involved becomes of utmost importance to you right now.

How that came about, I would like to know as well.

I would probably never know exactly what happened that 'fateful' night, but thinking about it all the time is hurtful enough.

I wish I knew you somewhere else, because you and I have too much alike to talk about.

Thanks, though, for spelling out all the doubts I've known existing inside of him. I knew that a long while ago.


I wish you knew what you said, and you said what you're really meaning to say.

I don't want no pity, nor sympathy. I don't need compassion; I just need passion.

Don't be the joker sent from above, pulling tricks on my poor soul again.

I still remember vividly those few hurtful words at the ninth-storey corridor and at the beach. Those words resound in my head now and then, stinging my ears and piercing right through my heart.

I have been hoping someday you might say some other words that might make those hurtful ones disappear from my head once and for all.

But maybe I should have just given up upon those words long time ago.

Maybe I should.


When you love someone, it is only natural you place utmost faith in that someone.

When the faith is breached, perhaps it's time to stop loving.

When the love is gone, perhaps it's time to give up the faith.

It works both ways.