T-I-R-E-D

I am so farking tired in the office today. My eyes are so dry, and if my face were a Scrabble-board, I bet the letters T-I-R-E-D would be spelt out loud and clear.

It doesn't help that I'm tucked away in a corner by myself, surrounded by walls of cartons. The solitude makes it so tempting for me to lay my heavy head down on the desk to catch some winks. But I have tens of thousands of stuff to do.

Conscience is fighting hard to keep the Zzz monster at bay.


I probably didn't have a good night's rest, though I did turn in pretty early. I flipped, I tossed, I turned - I did everything except maybe sleep.

I know I didn't sleep tight, because this time, I remember I had plenty of bad dreams - not the bad yet strange ones, but the horrible yet realistic ones. The kind that makes you weave in and out of consciousness, even though your heavy eye-lids stay shut. I remember, in my subconsciousness, I kept wondering if it was reality or if it was really just a dream. I remember trying helplessly to pry my eyes open to see for myself. I was just short of pinching myself.

It was that kind of dream where every possible scenario you ever fear took place in your mind.

Confessions, tears, awful words - the worst I could ever expect, happened all in my dreams last night.

(Come to think of it, it might really have been quite funny - if it were purely a play of my imagination. But if it were ever ever really true, it would have been truly devastating.)

It scared the shit out of me, even in my dreams because I couldn't decipher if they were the truth, or they were just my imagination.

If deja vu is to happen to me anytime soon, I'd be damned.

I just wish I hadn't thought myself to exhaustion last evening.


I have confirmed my flight details, without any concrete plan for my side-trip. I just know I'm done with my meetings by July 23, and I'll be flying out of Portland on July 28.

Where I'm heading to in between, I'll think about it some more.

I think the list I've made up is by now redundant. I don't even think I'll do L.A. It's too 'touristy' and too much Hollywood-shit that I don't quite care about.

I need peace. I need places that show me the beauty of possibilities.

The odds now are that I'll rent a car and drive up to Vancouver. I might even stop by Seattle to see my cousins.

They say Vancouver is beautiful - way so than L.A. anyway.

I can't recall how Vancouver fell into my plans. There must be a reason why I'm suddenly thinking of Vancouver.

Perhaps it's a good time for me to check that place out.