Ciaran

Ciaran is his name, I found out.

("Wah lau! How to pronounce?" "Kee-ran." Oh.)

The boy who smiled at me, like he knew me from the beginning.

My secret nephew.


Well, I haven't seen him enough to know how big exactly he is, but at least I know he's two years old. Ciaran is going to be a very lucky boy when Auntie Fatmama goes to the U.S. next week.

The best thing I already like about this little guy is that he adores my two girls.

Boys who like girls can't be that bad... oops. I mean, kids who like dogs must know love in their hearts.


It's sad that Ciaran is inevitably going to grow up in an environment shrouded by stigma. Stigma is spelled out in his life even before he was born into this world, even before he has any choice in his life.

Ciaran is the beautiful outcome of the deadliest mortal sin of all - adultery.

One beautiful life is created, but many other lives are destroyed - all in one simple act of folly. Is it then a joy to be celebrated or a pain to be hidden?

He may very well have been a 'mistake', like the foolish adults claim. But the foolish people know not that there is a reason why Ciaran is put into this world, in this time, under this circumstance.

What they know not is that Ciaran is put here to teach those foolish adults a grave lesson for their own mistakes. He is not the mistake; he is the messenger.

He is laughing, crying, looking at the whole big world with wide innocent eyes today, but he's not going to notice the whisperings, the disapproving looks, the avoidance that other adults make about him. He gladly chooses to ignore adults who do not approve of him, who would not lay their 'all-righteous' hands on him, who would not play with him.

Until the day he grows up, and learns about his pre-birth history. Then he realizes why he has never had a complete childhood. He will learn why there are some people who will always blame him for something he's never done.

He can no longer choose to ignore these people because he will start seeing the faults in himself.


Ciaran, one fine day, when you learn your alphabets and know how to read, you will know this from Auntie Fatmama.

The world is not perfect, but you were, on the day you were born. Hatred and shame in your heart will despair you and bring you further away from the perfect being you seek to become.

It is not your mistake, but that of your parents, wherever they may be. The world will strive to shame you, but you will not be shamed. Because you are your very own being.

Learn to love, because you will find that love mends mistakes, not expose them. Love will help you grow.

Auntie Fatmama can teach you a lesson or two on that one, for sure.

(That said, please grow up to be a good boy and don't commit the same mortal sin that your parents did. Learn yourself the lesson that you're supposed to teach your foolish parents. Ok?)


Auntie Fatmama has learned plenty of things from your parents too. Auntie Fatmama has also become afraid - afraid of love and afraid of the world. She is afraid of what the world might do to her, how the world might crush the big love she has in her to bits.

Auntie Fatmama finds it hard to trust anyone in this world, because she has never imagined your father would succumb to the mortal sin that the Devil has planted in him.

Auntie Fatmama questions the existence of men and women, the meaning of love and marriage, and wonders how families no longer stay intact. Where are the values that she holds on to strongly? Are they existent only in her poor crazy mind? Is she making up the beautiful world that she thought she was living in?

Auntie Fatmama is questioning her own existence in this world.

So, Ciaran, promise Auntie Fatmama, when she returns home with bundles of Baby Gap jumpers for you, that you would grow up being a good boy, and honoring the meaning of Big Love.