Calamity Jane

Cannot believe this is happening to me. Another calamity.

My precious barely-2-month-old phone fell out of my pocket and into the toilet bowl (yes, still full of piss). I was still adjusting my skirt when I heard the 'plop' and my mind raced frantically to remember what it was I had put into my pocket that could possibly have taken the plunge.

A 2-second dip is just as good (or bad, for that matter) as a tumble in the washing machine.

My phone just wouldn't start up after that. I took out the battery and SIM card and left them all out to dry overnight.

It has shown signs of life this morning, but still it looks cranky.

This is just so fucked up. Everything about me.


I am finally coming home.

Called up the airline last evening, and found myself an empty seat for the flight later at 2 in the afternoon. I have no pissing idea why, but I had to pay for the change in flight schedule. With that amount, I almost could've rented a car for the Vancouver trip.

Still, at this moment, I'd rather leave this (sometimes) cold lonely place and go back to where I can feel the love and kisses from my dogs and to where I can control my life. Here, I am clueless and aimless everyday. There's nothing more for me to see in Portland. I hate this.

Maybe I might regret changing the course of things and going home early. But right now, I just need to throw myself back into the harsh reality back home - and work my way out from there. I'm just done with my thinking here.


I bunked over at a friend's place last night. The sweetest thing I've felt so far throughout the entire trip was how Biskit her little Chihuahua launched himself all over me. I really miss Piper Gracie.

Friend had kindly offered to put me up for the next few days. I had even planned to dog-sit and cook dinner for her. I even thought I would go to campus with her, and work from there and get my leave cancelled.

Friend probably still thinks I should have just stayed on for the next few days - and thinks I'm silly for wanting to go back home to everything now.

But, friend, I cannot stand living my life aimlessly everyday now. There's nothing for me here, and it is really just getting me depressed further.

I think I'm ready for the truth. I think...


Friend dropped me off in downtown on her way to work this morning. I would just hang out here till it's time for me to catch the train to the airport. Like how I used to do.

I'm sitting at my cafe once more - for the last time this trip. The sun is out but rising pretty slowly, so I'm not quite feeling its warmth yet. The cold wind is making me tremble as I type away.

Maybe I should just get to the airport earlier and hang out in the indoor warmth there.


I have received various messages of concern and well wishes from friends. Friends from various points of my life.

Friends whom I thought would have been clueless about everything.

Thank you, girls. Thank you for remembering me - just someone in your life.

You don't have to worry nuts about me. I can take care of myself - I always have and I will.

Maybe the shit I'm going through now is just much bigger than I can take.

But I will wriggle my way out... somehow... eventually. Some fine day.

See y'all back home.