Him

Oh, what a night.

I am totally messed up inside now. I didn't expect this, but I don't know why it is happening.


I don't know if I should be glad I broke my vow and attended the wedding.

My buddy - my good friend in primary school, his good friend in secondary school.

It was only natural I would see him again in a small ceremony where only close friends were invited.

Still, I didn't even think he'd be there.

I didn't even think he'd ever appear in my life again.


Feelings I thought I had safely locked away in the memory box all came rushing back.

All the 'whys' started popping up in my mind, and after a few beers, I sat him down next to me.

I asked all the questions I had kept in my vault, and he duly answered. Do I sense pain and remorse in him?

His answers fit exactly the ones I had devised for myself 12 years ago when he just left without a goodbye.

He has just managed to add yet another dimension of confusion in my confused life now.


We parted with a hug tonight.

The hug that I had been waiting for all this time. The goodbye hug that had been owed to me for 12 years.


There is another party going on next weekend, and he was in the guest list. I was already contemplating for weeks if I should turn up. After all, I was wondering what it would be like seeing him after 12 years, and I thought perhaps it'd be best I avoided that awkward situation.

But now.

"So are you going to the party next week?"

"I would, if you are."

Is this another of those men-thing? The sweet-talking thing?


I have no fucking idea why I feel this confusion in me right now.

I really didn't think seeing him would turn me over upside down. Not after I had done a good job leaving this all behind.

I don't know what I am feeling. And where my heart is.


God, I asked for help.

Not for more tricks.


I'll sleep over this, wake up bright and early for my Jade Moment, and hope there won't be any more surprises for me at the wedding tomorrow.