Almost

This is how sneaky and cheating the weather here can be:

1350h: Event ends. Fatmama checks out the sky and sees nothing but bright blue bits with white fluffs. Her skin is feeling a little burnt, as she walks the short distance to her car.

1352h: Fatmama ponders, hmm... should I go to the cafe as planned, or to the beach as fantasized?

1355h: Fatmama's stomach rumbles a little, so Fatmama decides to go grab lunch first.

1410h: Fatmama finally gets a parking space at the Village. "Ok, now should I put fifty-cent coupon, or should I put three-dollars?"

1412h: Fatmama decides to get her work done at the cafe instead. She would hit the beach Sunday morning if the weather is sweet again.

1413h: Fatmama walks to the food center, scorched under the blazing sun, and feels a tad regretful for displaying three hours' worth of parking coupons.

1435h: Fatmama finishes her lunch and walks out of the food center, only to see a darkening sky. Hmm.

1503h: *pitter patter pitter patter*


You almost got me there.

Bored

This pretty much sums up my Friday-night-without-the-chicks.

Vicks: u not going out?
ME Inc.: i am sitting at wheelock coffeee bean
Vicks: ohhh... haha
Vicks: ok
ME Inc.: dun feel like drinking, just wanna chill out, but no one wants to chill out on a friday nite...
ME Inc.: STRANGE!!!
Vicks: call hanny... he said he got some dinner on
Vicks: maybe he's around
ME Inc.: nah
ME Inc.: he's gone home
ME Inc.: and doesn't want to chill
ME Inc.: he's such an idiot
ME Inc.: i will never never ever ever ask him again
ME Inc.: never ONCE said, OK
Vicks: where r ur chicks?
ME Inc.: they are all in hk =(((

Yes, read this right, dude.

You suck. :(

Suckae Sushi

Me: Hows video?
Boss: Not up yet. You can still go to hawker centre.
Me: Haha very funny hor you. To siam the kids I have to go eat alone at sushi bar lor.

And I did.

Never really thought much of the idea of eating alone in a restaurant, but:
a - I am missing sashimi too too too much,
b - detoxing myself and giving myself a healthful treatment while the chicks are away sounds like a really good idea,
c - I think I deserve a treat for being good to myself this far.

Sakae sucks now.

Some things just have to go.

"No Nikes"

So I took that familiar road back to my second home this morning, jostling with that familiar traffic that I don't quite miss.

Somehow, everything felt so strangely familiar, like I'd just gone away to Beaverton for a week or something.


There Boss and I were, sitting at the other side of the meeting table this time.

"Ok, same rule applies: No Nikes."

We will dress smart, and we will act smart, I had told Les.


Then I bumped into many familiar figures too. Mostly pleasant ones, thank gawd.

"Wah, so long never see you! What are you doing now? You're looking very good huh!"

"Hi... Yah lor, very long never see... I am not doing anything, I am a tai-tai now... I know, rest so much of course look good lah."

Standard questions, standard answers.


For vanity's sake alone, I suppose I must've made the right decision ten months ago.

"我们相依伪命了“

Oh shoot. I could be glad that I might not be alone this weekend, but still, I'd rather not be in your shoes now.

So I hope all works out well for you, babe.


Someone else's just not quite fated too.

Sexy Spastic

Check out my spastic picture on the left.

Yes, that red-tinged arty-farty-wannabe picture on the sidebar of this site.

Spastic, right?


So, folks have dropped off some comments now and then, some nice, others plain honest.

Four weeks ago... The One Who Bothered To Give Constructive Suggestions
Gorgeous: nice hat
ME Inc.: ha
ME Inc.: i think so too
ME Inc.: that's at feather boa
Gorgeous: cool
Gorgeous: retouched using da photoshop ?
ME Inc.: no! it's that kinda lighting inside
Gorgeous: very artistic
ME Inc.: hahaha! a friend said exactly the same comment just awhile ago
ME Inc.: and it tickled me, i said it's a spastic one.
Gorgeous: spastic photo ?
ME Inc.: yeah cos i had a spastic look on me face
Gorgeous: well maybe u can straighten the hat


Three weeks ago... The One Who Took A Real Good Look
j a s e: u look artistic in that photo haha
ME Inc.: haha! i thought i looked spastic
j a s e: quite funny what
ME Inc.: i was in hk
j a s e: send me the photo la
... ...
j a s e: waha
j a s e: ur pic really quite spastic... send me one girly one...


Two weeks ago... The One Who Has Either A Very Small MSN Picture Display Or A Very Small Computer Screen
Shamutheworld: you look like Zoe Tay in that picture..
ME Inc.: oh
ME Inc.: first such comment
Shamutheworld: haha, really?
Shamutheworld: well it pleases me to be the first
ME Inc.: most ppl say, wah your pic very artisitc
ME Inc.: but i tell em it's a spastic pic
Shamutheworld: waahaha
ME Inc.: and they believe it when i send them the actual jpeg
Shamutheworld: 'sit? why?
ME Inc.: cos i have a spastic look
Shamutheworld: look like Zoe Tay leh
Shamutheworld: hmmmmmm


Two days ago... The One Who Irritates Just For The Sake Of Irritating
Irritating One: gimme 5
ME Inc.: 5
ME Inc.: oh
ME Inc.: sorry
ME Inc.: i duh.
ME Inc.: i feel quite embarrassed.
...
Irritating One: back
Irritating One: embarrassed abt what?
ME Inc.: cos i gave you 5?
ME Inc.: hhahaaha
Irritating One: dai lung
ME Inc.: wazzat?
Irritating One: cantonese
ME Inc.: i know
ME Inc.: big hole?
ME Inc.: big dragon?
Irritating One: retard
ME Inc.: oh
ME Inc.: thanks
Irritating One: chi seen
ME Inc.: i prefer this one
ME Inc.: the msn pic i put up now is so much more apt, esp when i speak retard, right??
ME Inc.: it's like you can really connect the face to the words!
Irritating One: right
ME Inc.: i really think so myself
Irritating One: you so clever
ME Inc.: it's such a spastic photo
ME Inc.: but i like
Irritating One: you spastic what
ME Inc.: i know
ME Inc.: i just don't like people to keep reminding me
Irritating One: you spastic


Just a day ago... The One Who Models So Should Speak The Most Sense
SKA: yo yo.
ME Inc.: hey hey
SKA: phwar so sexy ah ur pic


Verdict: I may think I'm spastic, but I really am sexy. Oh yeah, remember too I'm a darn good kisser.

Pool-bor!

What do you do when you've just spent a couple of hours under the sun and you're feeling all sticky and eeeky and you can't get home in time for a shower?

Why, you jump into a pool, of course.


If there is one reason why I would vote my country as the best place to live in, it would be that there is an a-maz-ing abundance of cheap public pools, all in easy accessibility wherever you may be. Yes, very very freakin' cheap - all of only one lolla per entry. If you choose to sunbake like the gay boys do, that's like thirty-cents per hour.

I feel a tad pity for my friends in countries where for one, there is nary a pool in sight which you can get to within an hour. Two, you can't get to even dip your toes in the pool without committing to some silly exhorbitant membership fee. And three, your swimsuits can jolly well hibernate and grow mould in the storage room for a good six months every year.

Tsk tsk, poor souls.

Yes, of course we do have the more atas ones who would pooh-pooh at public pools here, "Aiyo, so dirty, so many germs", and pay a ton for some club membership access to "cleaner and germ-less" pools.

But hey, I am a very strong, healthy, heartland ah-lian who loves eighty-cent kopi-o more than Starbucks really.

I am not complaining.

Be An Angel

Angels fly because they take themselves lightly.

Be A Man

"Eh, don't make it this weekend lah, we won't be around..."

Basket.


So I may not get to see fourteen burly men rumbling around in the fields this weekend, but at least I got to see THIRTY young dudes grabbing one another's thighs, rolling about on the ground today.

Hmmmph.


Sometimes I don't get rugby.

But worse of all, sometimes I don't get why I love watching rugby so much when I don't even get it.

It's such a 'boys' thing. It's but a playing field where egos clash. It's rather silly seeing a bunch of dudes clamoring on top of one another over a tiny olive-ball at the bottom of the pile.

Women care about being 'glam' - hence the mini-skirts on the netball courts, the ever-smaller-and-tighter outfits on the tennis courts, the very-figure-scrutinizing pseudo-bikinis on the volleyball courts, on the gymnastic mats and even on the rubber tracks.

Don't win, never mind. At least must lose in style. That was the motto we've lived by for years.

Boys? They spit on the football pitch in front of millions and millions of spectators. They throw fists and jut elbows before they could run end-to-end on the basketball courts.

And of course. They grab one another around the waist, sometimes face to the ass, and engage in one big mass orgy-like frolicking on the muddy rugby fields.

And then, there are those spectators on the stands - mostly boys, all half-drunk and spewing expletives at no one in particular at times.

But tell me then. Tell me why I love watching football or rugby or basketball so much over anything else. Especially in 'live' action.

Maybe, it's simply because it's such a 'boys' thing.

Ooooh. So 'man'.

Not Excited Lah

Did I ever tell you I love good news?

Well, I do. :)

So-ju Party

Methinks it's sweet to have a kamsahamida wifey who would throw so-ju parties for your birthdays.

ME Inc.: dude
I am Rob: yeah
ME Inc.: just popping a hi, since i missed you last friday
I am Rob: hello darling
I am Rob: btw going drinking tomorrow
I am Rob: come along
I am Rob: east coast
ME Inc.: who's the party?
I am Rob: i'm getting older
ME Inc.: ??
I am Rob: birthday
ME Inc.: YOUR BIRTHDAY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!
I am Rob: yeah
ME Inc.: AGAIN?!?!
ME Inc.: which means that afternoon we spent together at brewerkz took place one year ago?!?!?!?!
I am Rob: yeah
ME Inc.: man!
I am Rob: time flys

Methinks I am the one getting old.

Rebel In My Pocket

In two days (actually just one-and-a-half), I have dropped my phone three times.


I am sorry ok.

I really don't mean it when I said you were dumb, and that I wish I could "lose" you. Be good ok.

Aren't They Lucky?

Uh-huh. This was how bored I was before I could retire myself tonight.

If you are in desperate need of some ego-trip too, check yourself out.

My one and only grouse...

How the fuck did Dolph manage to pop into the picture?!

Life is that unpredictable, huh.

Unpredictable

As far as I've always wanted to live a life as unpredictable as it can be, I think I'm savoring the best of it right now.

Unpredictability means, to me, adventures that replicate action-packed thrillers, sweet surprises that bring a smile to my glum face, unexpected shocks that bulldoze and knock me off my Fatfeet. Unpredictability swings my mood - I could end the day laughing and smiling like I am the happiest baby on earth, or I could crawl into bed under my duvet wishing I could disappear from the world altogether.

Unpredictability lets me experience the extreme emotions of life, plus all those in between.

Unpredictability tells me I should weave my stories as the bits and pieces come to me. I don't know what comes next, so I have to be creative.

Unpredictability teaches me to worry less about tomorrow, it teaches me to laugh about yesterday. Unpredictability teaches me to live today tirelessly so I can look forward to bedtime tonight.


Unpredictability teaches me to look beyond life as a series of stages.

Life is really one huge playground. You laugh when you're at the highest point on the swing, you cry when you fall off the swing onto the sands. You move on from the swings to the slides to the monkey bars, and you can always come back to the swings anytime - with or without any playmate.

Well, it's just that without a playmate, the see-saw's kinda out-of-bounds. Then again, maybe not. I used to have loads of fun by myself walking on the plank from one end to the other.

A playmate would be nice, but without one, you still have the whole playground to yourself.


Without really wanting to sound like everyone else, I am literally "living one day at a time".

I don't know what new things I might learn today. At times, I feel mentally ignored by the world. And then, other times, I receive so much new stuff, I take a few days to digest it all.

I don't know where I will be at two in the afternoon tomorrow. Heck, I don't even know what I'll be doing at six tonight.

Don't ask me if I could do this or that next week.

'Cos I really don't know if I can. And maybe, just maybe, I don't wanna know too.

Bedtime Read

On a boring day like this, when nothing newsworthy happened but you need some good laugh before you tuck yourself into bed, you thank yourself for saving conversations in your history.


The Philanthropist: Hmmph
ME Inc.: HMmph back
The Philanthropist: hmmph back back
ME Inc.: er
The Philanthropist: hmmph
The Philanthropist: hmmph
The Philanthropist: hmmph
The Philanthropist: hmmph
The Philanthropist: hmmph
The Philanthropist: i boring liao
The Philanthropist: hmmph
ME Inc.: stop hmmphing
ME Inc.: dio lai siong one
The Philanthropist: hmmph
The Philanthropist: hmmph
The Philanthropist: hmmmmmm
The Philanthropist: hmmph
ME Inc.: hmm?!
The Philanthropist: hmmph
ME Inc.: kns
The Philanthropist: you then kns
ME Inc.: ooooh
The Philanthropist: hmmmm
ME Inc.: hmm?
ME Inc.: oh.
ME Inc.: oh.
ME Inc.: erm.
ME Inc.: hmm.
The Philanthropist: hmmm
ME Inc.: oo
ME Inc.: ooooo
The Philanthropist: wooo
The Philanthropist: errrmmm
The Philanthropist: err...
The Philanthropist: ahhhh
The Philanthropist: ohhhh
The Philanthropist: eeeee
The Philanthropist: yeeee
The Philanthropist: yessss
The Philanthropist: ooooo
The Philanthropist: noooo
The Philanthropist: yeeesss
The Philanthropist: ahhhhh
The Philanthropist: hmmmm
The Philanthropist: okay lah....
The Philanthropist: enough lah

Okay. Time to *poof*.

"Only To You"

It looked almost like a movie set.

There I was, standing in the middle of the atrium at the Cannery, right under the rainy night-sky, feeling a little floaty from the champs, smiling like a fool, looking all plain Fatmama in my brown peasant skirt and dirty unkempt birkies while glamorous party folks walked all around past me, I thought I was on centerstage.

"Am learning a song. Want to hear?"

So I said 'yes, please' to my boy. The phone rang, I clasped it close to my right ear, grinning like an idiot as the dude did a raw acoustic Jason M'raz to me.


It was almost romantic.

'Cept it wasn't meant to be in the first place.

And all I had was something else on my mind as it floated somewhere far away. If only... :)

Clutchless

For the umpteenth time, I had my left foot searching for the clutch pedal, and end up stepping on my right foot on the brakes.

I just can't do automatics for nuts.


I've got an offer for the car.

I don't know, baby. Momsy's gonna miss you too.

Stalkeress

ME Inc. says: oh
ME Inc. says: i wanted to buy an impromptu tic to bkk haha
HS says: to bunk in with me issit?
ME Inc. says: yeah
ME Inc. says: i assumed you woudln't mind
HS says: damn I could tell people got woman chase me from sin to bkk

I should be mad at you.

But you cracked me up first. :)

ME Inc.

I like it, that someone actually likes my ideas, my brains, my madness, and is willing to pay a price for everything.

Someone who barely even knows me, yet looks at me with the most open eyes.

Someone whom, very ironically, I'd been pitting my wits against for the past six years.


Sometimes it pays to turn around and bite the hand that feeds you, especially if it's been lacing your food with some brain-eroding potion.

Six years with the master, and while you've been well-fed, you've never been heard, and your mouth just gets stuffed with more food and your voice just becomes a whine over time.

Six years with the master, and your personal value depreciates and people forget to look at you like you are you.

Six years with the master, and suddenly you've forgotten how to think for yourself.


I gave six of my best youthful years to them. But it doesn't necessarily mean I have to spend the rest of my life with them, nor that they owe me any shit.

And what we spoke about this afternoon, I don't know if you ever get what I'm trying to say or if all you've been hearing is just a whine, but it's pretty much parallel to this.


I love being a stray, sometimes.

A crazy, cool, carefree one.

Try controlling me again, and I'll bite. Rarr!

Unerasable

A sudden whiff of that still-familiar Lynx scent that drifted to my senses from nowhere, jolted me back somewhere sixteen years ago.

And it is so strange, because I'm sitting alone in my room, eight storeys above the world outside.

PLOP!

Where I hang out, there are all these little man-built ponds and streams that I've always wanted to walk barefoot in.

I am probably not the only one.


So there was this one time just last week, a tiny toddling 'ang moh kia' wandered his way to the marvellous little pond, right next to which me and Ash-tray were chilling out, and he probably got enchanted by the fish and wanted to keep one for himself.

'Cos the next thing we heard, was a *PLOP!*. And then loud wailing.

With some unreciprocated help from a nearby stranger, the little boy stumbled and climbed his own way out of the shallow pond, while still wailing, and toddled off to find Mom and Dad.

Poor little thing. Must have been a trauma of sorts.


Auntie Fatmama stared in bewilderment and started chuckling.

And all she could manage to say to her companion was, "Good thing he was wearing Crocs."


Don't call me uncompassionate. This is but a silly little story of life.

And I have an almost similar story to tell, except I am already way, way past the cute toddling age. And I wasn't wearing no Crocs. :)

查某与干埔

I got my enlightenment.

SLM said: charbor = 查某 dabor = 干埔
SLM said: it's not the word 婆
ME Inc. said: are u sure??
ME Inc. said: very sure??
SLM said: huh? i thought everybody knows one.

Yes, I am very stupid one.

But I give thanks for having very smart friends. :)

Boggled

If bor is '婆', so it follows that '老婆' is really lao bor, yes?

Then, what is the cha in cha bor?

And what the heck is ta por then?


Can someone enlighten me please? Thanks.

Emotional Blackmail

Boss wants me to work on some proposal, as well as our price-tags on the deal, with some potential working partner.

I said, ok. And he said, let's talk later. But before that...

Boss: got to go now...
me: speaks later
me: beep me
me: tell u small problem later
Boss: ttyl
Boss: huh?
Boss: you got hired?
me: no
Boss: by GAP?
me: that one is BIG prob
me: hahahahhahhaa
Boss: hhuh?
Boss: quick.
me: later lah
me: shoo
Boss: you not leaving redsports yet right?
me: hahahhahahha
me: you love me too much now right?
me: hahahhahhahhahahhahhahhaha
me: SHOO
Boss: ok chat later.
Boss: sigh.
me: the host with the mostest
me: bye

Ooooh... let's see what lunch I'll make Boss buy me later.

The Protégé

Boss says: i'm so excited about tonight's show.
ME Inc. says: hahahhahhahahha!
Boss says: can't wait to post it.
ME Inc. says: should we pop champs?
Boss says: really...
ME Inc. says: hey
Boss says: and you must be even more excited 
Boss says: hahahhaha
ME Inc. says: er... no.
Boss says: i still remember my first show.
ME Inc. says: your garden can dig hole?
Boss says: er no?
Boss says: hahha.
Boss says: ground quite hard.
Boss says: wah so exciting.
ME Inc. says: ... ...
Boss says: tom you can go to hawker centre...
Boss says: and someone will shout...
Boss says: cheng jie jie!
ME Inc. says: hahahahahhahahahaa
Boss says: cheng jie jie!
ME Inc. says: i have to avoid heartland malls now

I find it really embarrassing. Really.

How can I ever appear in front of the kids again?


By the way, Boss is the "kong jiao wei" guy, from the "kong jiao wei" movie. Still stuck somewhere with the B-listers, but I think he could have gone further.

Thanks Boss.

For always grounding me. For always believing in me. For always making me believe in myself.

You're awesome.

But stop asking me to stop calling you 'Boss'.

Pissed... Almost

I don't quite know of anyone decent and above five-years-old, who still has wetties at night now, but I almost did.

So there I was squatting over the toilet, and I remember I was really really on a high-tide. But there I was also pushing and grimacing, and no matter how much I would, er, push, nothing would come out.

I remember feeling really flustered, and wanting to push harder when... I suddenly opened my eyes, realized what the hell was going on, and then made a groggy dash to the bathroom.

It marvels me, how our subconscious works.


And no, I never meant the dirty kind of wetties.

"Dig a Hole"

Tonight's one of 'em nights when I just feel especially weary, in all senses possible.

There's probably no one reason, but perhaps plenty.

It feels like a menstrual cycle screw-up, and I hope it really is just that.


I am too tired, too wary to think, to feel, to fight, to care, to say what I want.

I think I get it now.


If only I could just *POOF*... disappear. Even for a while.

The Cat Turns 30

All of a sudden, I find myself driving a new set of wheels.

Yes, that freshness of a new-car smell does soothe me, but still, I miss mine.

I just can't do automatics for nuts.


Happy birthday, dude.

You've hit the next decade of your life, so be good. And be happy always.

"Not In Your League"

"The cows are coming home tonight. Wanna go pick 'em up?"


Yes, I wasn't just mad. I was that b-o-r-e-d to tears.

But in my quest for some entertainment, I got more boredom in return. :/


Looking at all the "Huh?", "Ha?", "Eh?", "Who?", "What cows?", "Which cow?", "You send to wrong person?", which made up eighty percent of the replies, I was almost close to tears.

There were a few good ones though. Good enough to make me laugh. :)


5: Both the HS eat the cows already.

4: What are you on?

3: Have you been drinking?

2: Am I supposed to milk them?


And the number one answer to "The cows are coming home tonight. Wanna go pick 'em up?" is...

I'm playing tennis tonight, so I can't.


*****

ME Inc.: the cows sms is meant to be a crazy joke.
Pi: ah.
Pi: u expected smtg like.. "i cant'. i m doing the bulls"
ME Inc.: yeah!
ME Inc.: i would've said
ME Inc.: i can't leh. i gotta pick the donkeys up
Pi: hah.
Pi: hee-haw..
ME Inc.: hee-haw... always late one.
ME Inc.: hee-haw... always make me wait one.
Pi: hee-haw.. always say traffic jam one.
ME Inc.: right, that's my girl.


*****

Of the forty-nine texts that went out, forty came back.

Yeah, those nine out there must really think I am beyond hope.

"Si Gi Na"

Boss shows me off proudly, saying: "She's half-mad..."

Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee...

I am, more than that. Should I update my resume, boss?

Senseless Night #472

It's tough being the director of your own dream.

For all my nightly travels to dreamland, I can never really relate any one adventure/drama/epic/horror-flick/comedy to anyone else in the ensuing waking moments, maybe just some horrifically real or hilariously weird bits that just create a deeper impression on my subconscious. The whole story? It usually is so senseless, the storyline does not play out logically, the 'actors' cast in my dream are all quite wrong, the scenes jump suddenly from a comedic Stephen-Chow scene to a Stephen-King one. They are so senseless I can't even remember them, much less tell anyone about them.

So last night, I was dreaming of either a drama or an adventure. Not that I remember the storyline, but I needed a baddie in my dream. Strangely, try as I might, I just couldn't conjure up a face to be cast as the baddie. But you know, there are no casting auditions in dreams. Your mind makes split-second casting decisions as the dream plays along, and *boom* the actors just appear one by one - which explains why sometimes they don't make sense appearing in my dreams at all.

So anyways, there I was, stuck in that particular scene in my dream last night. It was so weird. The baddie was right there, but not quite there because there was no face to it. It wasn't a horrific scene at all. It was just very frustrating to me.

So frustrated, I finally opened my eyes, sat up, and wondered, What the hell? How come I just can't find someone to be the baddie in that scene?

Then realizing what just happened, I gave myself a sigh and the 'I-can't-believe-myself' headshake, went for a pee before heading back to bed. I don't think I managed to return to the scene, I don't think I got my baddie in the end.


Yes, I know this post doesn't quite make sense.

I know I just don't make sense.

"Che-Cheng!"

Boss said: i think he wants che che cheng to pick him up.

Ooooh...

Why does that nick so ring a bell?

菁之诗

Oh, my chicks really love me.

Look at the poem they made up for me.

慧菁漂亮亮
电话一直响
屁股肥又大
奶奶丑又小
爱喝别人酒
无事看电脑
有事开黄腔
杰伦爱到饱

Of course, I fail this one.

Job Search

I love my chicks.

For some very good reasons, I love my chicks. I never knew until tonight, how much they care for me too. They love me so much, they took some precious time off downing their whites to work out some possible professions for me.

So we listed a whole chunk of jobs out there in the world, and by a very impartial voting system, this is what everyone unanimously thinks I would be best suited for.

I could be...

a. a striptease dancer (this is a full vote, by the way).
b. a teacher.
c. a firewoman.
d. a cook/chef.
e. a parking-summon auntie (yes, the one with the big but very hip-looking floppy hat).
f. a night-time security guard (oh, another full vote too).
g. a priest (almost another full vote... damn).

I don't know, if you ask me, I would really like to try for either option-a or option-g, since option-f offers no-kick for me. But I suppose I would have a problem figuring out how I could possibly come up with a one-for-all resume.


I am happy. My future doesn't seem that bleak after all. :)

I never knew I would be so versatile.

"HELLO EVERYONE!"

"Tell them you have to present a show for web tv."

Leslie says: hello everyone...
Leslie says: hahahha
Leslie says: we are listening to your tape.
Leslie says: your opening line should be trademarked...
Leslie says: HELLO EVERYONE...
Leslie says: very funny
ME Inc. says: wat did i say?!
Leslie says: brian says he's going to make a ringtone out of it.
Leslie says: hahah.
ME Inc. says: shit
Leslie says: quite cute
ME Inc. says: bad ah?
Leslie says: HELLO EVERYONE...
ME Inc. says: eh!
Leslie says: HELLO EVERYONE.
Leslie says: LOL
Leslie says: me and brian havnig a good laugh.
ME Inc. says: ooooeeeeeiiiiii
ME Inc. says: is it that bad?!
Leslie says: you are a natural on tape.
Leslie says: no it's great!! 
Leslie says: next time you must start every show with the same line...
Leslie says: HELLO EVERYONE


People, if I have a personal ringtone to sell, please buy hor.

HELLO EVERYONE!

Me And My Patpong Boy

Ah, yes. My 'nostalgia' button got pushed a little.

I remember Bangkok as it was for us somewhere this time last year. Just like you described.

The little lies we told the rest to get us away on our 'secret escapade'. The clueless forays into the amazing backlanes of Patpong. The heck-care dinner by the road-side. The even more amazing beef noodles. The cheapest Singhas ever. The "Miss, Miss! You want ping-pong show?" harassment (that only I suffered). The 'POLICE' dog-tee I was so proud of, that really wasn't meant for dogs. The vast amounts of sweat beads on your forehead at the tee-shirt stall. The pretty stray dog sitting on the motorbike whom we couldn't resist. The virgin tuk-tuk ride we jumped on, despite our poor haggling skills. The retro pink VW van I wanted to drive away. And us doing the ugly jay-walking Singaporean thing, stuck in the middle of the crazy traffic.



I'm so sorry you'd have to be alone this year.

We'll have something else to look forward to this year. I promise.

Juice'd

I am such a Doofus-with-a-capital-D.

I was flipping through the 'Scene' pages of Juice, looking for my friends as usual, pretty much like how my mom flips through the obituary pages to look for hers, when my rather lazy eyes glanced over this...



... and then, stopped for a few seconds staring at the girl on the left, wondering to myself, "Eh... this girl looks damn familiar..."

Yes, for a few seconds.

I was just short of throwing that same question to the Ashchick next to me. I know, I'm mad.


Oh, and someone made the same issue too.

Hum'd

No, I stuck true to my word - no chilli sauce, no tom yum tonight.

But I had some awfully sinful, bloodily yummy hum.

And so did my pants.

"The world is your oyster, and you are the pearl"

No bloody way am I getting my feet cold.

I have come this far. Well, not that far in the bigger picture, if I consider the number of opportunities I had been given, because it is practically zilch. Fifty-seven boomerangs, and only one returned. And it almost didn't.

They have all been long shots. I want something I probably shouldn't deserve. Well, at least that's what they all think.

So, to the one person who would bother to pick me up, I have promised to show them what pearl they've found.

And I think my pearl has been shining well. So far.


So I'll just have to complete my mission tomorrow.

I wanna strike a home run.

And yeah, I will be wearing my pearl earrings.

Cold Feet

Nash Benjamin. Group CEO.

AAaaaaaaahhhhHHHHhh!!!!

NB. I have never been through something as 'dua zong' as this.

It's make-it-or-break-it time.

Coffee Drip

There are a couple of reasons why I am rarely caught in white-colored pants.

ONE: I am a klutz.
TWO: White-colored bottoms aren't exactly my thing. Not that I'm not crazy about it for the moment, but it's just not my thing all the time. Black sheep look weird in white bottoms, no?
THREE: White-colored bottoms make my ass look, er... less smaller than it really is!
FOUR: I don't own that many white-colored pants really.
FIVE: I am really a klutz.

Ok, so that makes more than just a couple.


And I've been really good to myself these days.

Much less klutzy. Or perhaps, I'm just getting better at the 'recovery' tactic - looking good and poised while pretending nothing has happened.

Tripping less over something that's really nothing. Spraining my ankle less while walking. (By the way, did I ever tell you of the incident where I actually sprained an ankle while I was standing stationary? Well, there really was no incident to talk about.)

And most of all, I haven't been dripping coffee from my mouth while drinking it. It's a feat I've been proud of, till today.

And did I say I pulled out my white pants from the wardrobe today?

Oh, I did.


I CAN'T STAND THIS!

I am not touching chilli sauce or tom yum soup today.

Life-Cycle

Sometimes it feels like my good ol' big brother has come back home to us.

Fighting with me over the bathroom. Quibbling with me over the dishes. Bickering over the unfinished food that neither of us wants to finish. Staging a "farting-versus-belching" warfare with me. Giving me hell over the misplaced papers. Providing me live updates of scores when I'm out on Saturday nights.

Most of all, sharing Mom's nagging with me again.

We both have been through shit, bad enough to make Mom still worry for us, like she did when we were still kids fooling around.

But like it's always been, he's here but he's never really here for me.


Still, despite the same mailing address once again, some other things don't stay the same anymore.

Brother is now the real adult he should be, having handled life-shit and still taking care of it. A more matured, less selfish big man.

Me? I will forever be the little 阿妹 who refuses to grow up. Always the blacker sheep in their eyes. Like it's always been.

Bumped

I hate it when I manage to fend off the zzz-monster and peel myself off the horizontal position this early, actually raring to go...

ONLY TO FIND THE HOGGER HOGGING THE BATHROOM!!

What would I do, tell me what would I do without a blog?

"Rather Sweet"

I crashed like a baby last night. In fact, for the past two nights.

Ever since.

Yeah, there are still the dreams, but a lot more pleasant/less scary ones. Or perhaps, it could really have been because my mom has stopped switching off the fan in the middle of the night.

So I am up this early today, not because I got shaken out of sleep by unknown and uncontrollable forces again. But because I had responded well to the alarm - for once, at long last.

But really, really? Ok, ok, because I crashed like a baby last night when I was supposed to work my ass off.


Of course I wouldn't be too sure myself, but maybe I must really be 'rather sweet'.

How else can I explain the ants that have been bugging me of late? Everywhere I am?

*Wink wink* :)

Run, Ran, Run

I'm not too sure if it was the six-packs or the one-flabby-packs, but I got inspired to head home while there was still light, peel the phone off my hands, and put on my Pegasus's.

Did my timing, but it was a horrid run. It's either because of the one-week hiatus, or because of the one and only one toasted-sesame-bagel-with-cream-cheese I managed to grab today.

I am feeling RA-VE-NOUS.

*****

I have calves which could be slimmer, but they aren't.

But I am thankful for these strong legs because it means I can run the miles, I can walk all corners of the world, however far the distance's going to be, just to be there.


I have hips which could also be smaller, but they aren't too.

But I am thankful because it means 我很会生孩子!

Wahahahahhahaha!

"Get a bib"

Hmm. So I was wrong.

I thought I'd have at least fifty lumps of six-packs to ogle at.


I'd be glad if there were twenty at all.

I saw more flabs than the kids at the Trim-and-Fit clubs.

Bleh.

Mr. Char Kuay Teow

*Gay boy*: don't gimme no haterade gurrrll
*Gay boy*: mr. char kuay teow still got lap cheong inside ok?

ME: tsktsk, i've always known this
ME: you fucking closet gay


This once, I am going to keep you anonymous. (Wahahahaha!)

Still luv ya, sista.

Polo Time

Water polo players need remarkable stamina due to the considerable amount of holding and pushing that occurs during the game...
Source from: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


Fat-ajumama says, Ooooh.

"Next time I sing to you"

啊朋友们
请你听啊听啊听啊
我唱歌来问候你
有什么事情
请啊请啊请啊
我能够帮助你

在春天夏天
并啊并啊并啊
秋天和严冬
我定啊定啊定
我令啊令啊令
你心啊心啊心 欢喜


When we've run out of songs for each other, I'll have this to sing to you. :)

"You got the spunk..."

So I got myself a 'new boy'. A very young one, indeed.

ME: btw, i spoke with *new boy* online
ME: and he asked me, who u?
ME: are you les's wife?
ME: hahahhahhahhahhaahhaha
Boss: hahahhahahahahaha
Boss: i mean that in a nice way.
ME: thanks
ME: i said
ME: les is married, and i'm not the wife
ME: and i mean that in a nice way
ME: wahahahhaha
Boss: thanks

Gotcha back.

ME: wahlau this *new boy* moves damn fast
ME: just added me on friendster
ME: now he's gonna see all my babelicious pictures and have a crush on me.
ME: are you sure you want him to follow me tmr? alone?!


Boss, I think I will like the job because it is going to satisfy my fetish for young boys. Not thirteen-year-olds, though, no worries.

Mmmm...

"Build A Toilet" Campaign

Five big humans, two with really bad hogging habits, and one small one who likes to play with water before the bath = two toilets.

This sounds even more atrocious.


Should I run this campaign concurrently? Or right after the aircon one?

"Save The Lees" Campaign

I am melting. Help.

I didn't want to go out in the heat today, but I guess I should've parked myself somewhere inside a cool building instead of cooping myself in the oven of a room.

And I think I got something figured out. It's not just the spooky dreams. It's the stupid heat that bothers me as well.

It's practically 'sleeping hell' for me at nights.


So. After living almost thirty years without air-conditioning, I think it's time I do something about it. I mean, this must be the only reason why I'd miss hotel rooms so so much.

Five big humans, one small one, two furry creatures = three bedrooms, three fans.

I just think there's something wrong with the equation above.


So, I am going to start a fundraising campaign, to prevent the annihilation of a distinguished species found only in Singapore, a species apparently facing a potential wipe-out from the global warming issue.

I could blackmail the brother. I could work my ass off writing article after article. I could try my hand at homemade rag-like skirts to sell.

Or, I could resort to something really disgraceful.

Got second-hand aircon to donate, anyone?

In Five Seconds

Karks, this is for you.


如果有一辆车, 小明在驾驶, 小华在乘客座位上, 请问, 车子是谁的?


Five... four... three... two... one...

"And yes, I think you should keep your locks."

And then, as if it had been hovering over me all these while eavesdropping on my thoughts, the same one appeared almost immediately before me. Well, almost, kinda.

"You been smiling?"
"Been trying."
"You?"
"Me too. Can't lie about that."

And then it was like two lost sheep who found their way back to good ol' home.


I haven't smiled this much in days.

Thanks. :)

"I think you should keep your locks."

Like the apparition that came to my room that night and left a voice in my head, this one appeared without really appearing before me, and left some words on my screen.

And then nowhere to be found.

I couldn't even say "Hi..."

Keepin' It

Me and my hair, we have a love-hate relationship.

I love it, but I think it hates me. That explains for all the bad-hair days, when you can't really single out the problem but it just doesn't look quite right altogether.

So when I can't let it down, I pull it up. High ponies, loose ponies, messy buns, even pigtails. And then, there are my trusty caps. I'm running out of ideas.

But I know my hair hurts. And it hates being cooped up by a rubber band the entire day, everyday. So it gets mad at me, and then it misbehaves. And it goes up again.

It's driving me nuts, that damn chicken-or-egg thingy.


Still, I love my hair.

You know those mermaids illustrated in the storybooks we used to read when we were little kids? Mermaids who has scales and tails for a lower body, and who never believe in buying just the top half of a bikini set?

Yeah, they all have long luscious hair, that is always long enough so that when placed strategically in the front, it would always provide just about the right kind of modesty.

Well, I have hair like that now. Okay, just barely but still.

And it took me pains to get here. Not that I had planned to show it off or walk around like I were a mermaid with legs, it was simply just a "specific, measurable goal" I had set to challenge myself 'cos I could never have made it before.

So, no way am I going to chop these locks off.

There's still quite a long way to go before I get to the ass.


So, someone tell me please, is there any other 'impulsive' thing I could do to reboot myself? Other than getting a new hairstyle?!

Maybe an air ticket would be sweet. But very impulsive indeed.

"Sei"

My fellow 'chao'-posers.



Thanks for the company, amidst the toyboys and the E's.

I really needed that today. The company, I mean.

"The Monster Next Door"

... read the very first headline that greeted me when I flipped the papers randomly today.


This spooky affair has got to stop.

Post-Game Analysis

I really met the Master.

No, wait. Not the master... I think it's the Guru.

The Guru's not a myth, not grapevine, not just a legend in the nights. I've had my firsthand encounter with the Guru.


It's probably a good thing I didn't make it past the Guru's standards.

I must've made a mistake somewhere. I must've gotten the wrong idea, what I think I do best obviously didn't quite cut it for me.

I never belonged in that league.

"喂喂... 你怎么啦?"

"你又生病啦? 还是你昨晚又去哪里鬼混?"

没有啊, 我昨晚根本没鬼混.

一直以来, 我根本就没有鬼混.


让人误会的感觉有时真是有点槽.

Bonked

I missed the biathlon and all the hot dudes in their sexy jammers this morning.

Anyways, it's prolly good, I am not looking very pretty today. The... never mind.


Hope y'all had a good race. And only one dude needs to shave.

"Hopefully"

Yes, when I think about the whole thing, one silly thing did lead to another. And another. And another. And a whole lot others.

In truth, there were so many silly things, I can't even really pinpoint THE one silly thing that started it all.

It doesn't really matter.


The one thing about me that everyone thinks they know but no one really gets, is that I am one silly nut who is prone to doing silly things, because silly things make me happy. There are silly things that are inconsequential of course, like taking up a 20-whiskey-coke-light dare from the bartender or playing silly Taiwanese entertainment games with the chicks at the bar. Then there are the silly things that seem inconsequential by themselves, but they are all really part of a whole domino rally.

So maybe this was really a game after all. When a game starts, it has to end somewhere somehow - though you never knew exactly when or how this game would end, because rules were made up along the way.

But I suppose all the blocks have fallen. All the silly things have been done.


I still will never say, "I shouldn't have" or "I should've" or "I could've".

I will only say, "I'm glad I did."

In all honesty? I still would've done everything over again, to have that little bit of happiness in my life than to have tasted none of it at all.


I am a big girl. And I steady bom pi pi one.

Whatever I had wanted to say but couldn't get out, I am stuffing them back inside me. You'll never have to hear them. In time to come, maybe I might even forget them. So yeah, this should be it.

I promised I'd be cool at point A and at point B.

I am not Superwoman, but I am a big girl who's been figuring her own way out her whole life. So yeah, I'll get there one day.

Beggars Cannot Be Choosers

But I am not begging. I never did, and I never will.

So, I can choose.

Then again, I thought I did.


I just make bad choices, that's all.

So In Love

For all the boys I have, there's only one man that absolutely captures my heart.



He loves me arot.

He kisses me on the lips when I ask for one. He hugs me tight when I need it. No questions asked.

And because I love him too, I would go all the miles to look for his Oliver. Yes, I did search high and low while I was in the Honks.

And because our love is fated, I was led to what I believe was the one and only Oliver left hanging on the shelves of Singapore.


But my man, you've got to watch out.

'Cos I am so beginning to fall in love with another man called Young.

(No, not you, dude. And definitely not that fucker of a HR director.)

My Geek Boy

If there's one thing that should cheer me up now, it's that my boy is back.

I absolutely dig this.

ME Inc.: is the bi at ecp tmr?
HS: yuuuup
ME Inc.: what time it starts?
HS: ummm well from 830 onwards
HS: my wave is 845
HS: I dunno the rest
ME Inc.: okok
HS: u gonna come? dun need to la
HS: so hot
ME Inc.: hahahahahahaha
ME Inc.: why not?
ME Inc.: i like to drool at hot guys
ME Inc.: i'm not there to cheer you on.. i'm there to pick up dudes... can or not?
HS: dude, but if you want hot guys, i am just a phone call away
ME Inc.: then weather hot, lagi better... best time to put on my cheerleading bikini costume
HS: ya don't need no bi to get the goods
ME Inc.: easier mah, more convenient... one-stop shop.
HS: we gots the goods right here yo...
ME Inc.: tried and tested... don't fancy anything leh.
HS: excuse me, one stop shop? I own the shop
HS: I own the franchise
ME Inc.: yeah, you're like those bosses then.
ME Inc.: cannot make it one, so hire the studs
HS: ok... you are mean
ME Inc.: i am not mean... i am unique
ME Inc.: the outlier
HS: I am a failure at being hot guy... I will be the nerd then
HS: geeks are secretly good lovers anyway
ME Inc.: yeah, better to underpromise and overperform
ME Inc.: and plus your new look proves you can make it as a geek



HS: if you save this convo, I forsee my life to be complete
ME Inc.: i save all convos
ME Inc.: and i post the really good ones
ME Inc.: like this one, perhaps
HS: xiao jie, please leh
ME Inc.: simi
HS: I plead the fifth
ME Inc.: i can anony you
ME Inc.: if i feel like it
HS: yeah u can
ME Inc.: i shan't

And I so did not. :)


I luv ya, dude.

Keep this up.

Last Laugh

Boss dropped a work task. And Boss really knows me well.

Boss: can you go into the admin panel and find a saved draft called...
Boss: red sports' very own all-star team
Boss: i'm putting up a post about you, brian, and coach.
Boss: give me a para about yourself, sports wise.
Boss: Er...don't get carried away.
Babe: er...
Babe: sometimes i get into a writing high, i cannot help myself, you know.
Babe: plus... the subject is ME leh.
Boss: yes...ok, go ahead. feel free to write however long you want.
Boss: I just EDIT.
Boss: hahaha.
Babe: now i got admin access.. i can always RE-EDIT
Babe: HAHAHAHAHA
Boss: I can always change your admin access
Boss: HAHAHAHAHHAAAAA

#(*%)(*#&$%*(!&_%!

Silly

One silly thing leads to another. Well, usually, at least in my case.

A silly incident, a rather unnecessary one, led me to feeling completely silly about myself. A feeling of utter silliness then led me to drop my no-alcohol-Thursday, and led me to my sanctuary where I had my antidote and a good chat with one chick.

The resulting silliness from the whites led me to hop over to the Japanese bar where the other chick with her potions beckoned.

The silly happiness from the sakes and the whites, and from the silly conception that singing helps to cheer one up, led me to saying 'okay' to a brash suggestion for some yelling-into-the-microphone session.

The silly thought of wanting to indulge in some reminiscence led me to listening to some silly song. And one silly song just led to another, and another.

The silly songs led me to a silly act of staying throughout the entire four-hour session. Just between the two of us.

And the entire silliness simply led me to hitting my bed at four in the morning.

And I just felt so silly the entire day because I had to wake up at seven for an 'All-Star Game', for which I had to churn out the report by the end of the day.


I hope my silliness had only been but a lapse.

But strangely, I kinda doubt so.

Bruised

The bruise is still there.

A strange indelible mark, the kind usually sustained out of the blue, when you don't even recall what you had done to deserve the pain. It's like, someone pinched you but you never felt the pinch. Or it's like you had walked into some invisible wall but you never really felt the wham-bam.

And if you would pardon my ah-lian-speak... you maciam kenna whack damn jialat jialat, and then you blur, 'cos you don't even know why you kenna whack in the first place.


And you get really rattled because you had never asked for anything in the first place. Yet they keep creeping up.

Yeah, something like that. Just like the weeks-old bruise on my left thigh. Still as huge-ass big and still as green.

Perplexing, but very real.

Blank

Blank is the state of my mind... if I could borrow a line from myself, from a couple of years ago. Exactly two years ago, if my memory doesn't fail me.

It's deliberate, though. Swiping the entire slate clean.

'Cos if I don't exercise some quality control, I would have already died a horrible death from a spectacular brain blast.


*BOOM*

InterPOP Ad

If you dig indie tunes and am not quite bothered with Butter Factory, go check out my sugarboy Shaun this Saturday.



Check out his INTERPOP web site, where he loads up samplings of indie music periodically.

I Miss...

The e-flyer that just came into my mailbox made me smile.



For one, I love happy graphics and pretty colors.

Two, I love outdoor markets and quirky one-off designs. I adore creative folks with their own artistic point of view to offer. I've always wished I had that.

Though I must add, I hate the 'atas' angmoh crowds and yes, the stupid entrance fee.

But most of all, I smiled 'cos it reminded me of my last Honks trip. I had dragged my silly bro to the Borrett one, and bored the fuck out of his mind - there was nothing like real food 'cept for silly cupcakes and he didn't seem to want to tussle with the kids.



Click on the e-flyers to visit the web sites!

Finally Wanted

So not all proposals these days are indecent ones.


"Also need to give you something concrete to depend on."

Thanks, Shooter. Er... I mean, Boss.

Anything goes. Anything from an angel goes. :)


Now that I've got my own email, some swanky sexy uniforms, and a very kind proposal, I've got to work some magic on the other perks, like... hmm, let's see... cheap canteen food, free and generous supply of water and 'teatime treats', a minor-celebrity status with the kids.

Oh yes, speaking of a much-desired celebrity status, I can't wait for our talk-show to go on air. :)

Daily Check

Dee: hi
Dee: any news?
ME Inc.: no no... still none
Dee: okie, may the force be with you

Sigh. It'd better be a good force of some sorts.

I've had enough of evil ones.

"我到了这个时候已经不知道你要的是什么了"

好奇怪, 这句话好奇怪.

我现在什么都不要了.

昨天, 我没要什么. 一个星期前, 我没要什么. 一个月前, 我也没要什么. 一年前, 我更没要什么.

今后呢, 我真的什么都不想要了.

我只想独自一个人, 安安靜靜, 简简单单, 快快乐乐, 过完这一生.

我想我应该做得到.

Indecent Proposal

I got one last night.

Flattering in some ways, but not in others. Maybe not at all.

Yet another bugger.


"... also not bad... the concept of being pampered by a guy is quite nice..."

Right, girlfriend.

But I never buy into that.


What I want, evades me.

What I don't, plagues me.


If you'd said persistence was your virtue, try me.

What The...

Shucks. So I see I'm back to my usual form.

I recall the dream, I don't actually know how it got to my senses, but I just popped out and up.


My bad.

I took more than a five. I took more than what should've been.

I suppose this must be my penance.


Pardon the babble-speak.

I didn't fail my GP, just to quell some rumors out there.

I just like to babble babble babble.


Kwencha-nayo. Kwencha-na.

Village Creatures

It turned zoological at the Village when a furry little scurrying creature turned up at the rooftop of the food center, and a crowd started forming, all gaping toward the sky.

Chey.

Never see monkey before meh?

Self-Praise Is Best Praise

So I was sitting at Office No.3, chatting happily, rather animatedly as usual, on the phone.

And then, it was time to hang up.

"Okay, bye byeee," so I chirped.

And then I caught myself waving goodbye with my free hand as well.


Er...


Just one tiny incident amongst plenty others.

You can call me 'mad'. You can say I 'act cute'.

But really, if you'd ask me, I think I am rather cute.

Who? ME?

Tiger Yeo claims to have met a dead ringer for Fatmama.

Either that, or the long-lost sister I never knew I had and who probably got kidnapped and sold to Thailand since she was born.



You know, for all the times people always make the rather uncomplimentary comment that I look like so-and-so, I have to concur with this one.

But of course, I am sexier, I have better looks, and I am probably a better kisser.

Rare Feat

It was quite amazing.

Even though I have to wake up this early, and I seem to be suffering from a bad neck, and I did have some funny dreams - I never woke up once throughout the entire night.

Just how awesome is that?

"Lovely Bitch"

Quite unexpectedly, the phone rang again almost an hour since...

But of course, I fumbled and I bumbled and I messed it up before "hello".


"I just called to tell you.. "

:) x 100


Now, I so want to fall asleep too.

Hurry, hurry.

"Ironically"

I realize a grave problem that's been nibbling at me bit by bit unwittingly.

ME Inc.: you astound me... you've been online for the past 3 nites!
***: cause im addicted to porn
ME Inc.: haha


No, no, the problem is not about porn pervading the society. It's much, MUCH bigger than that.

The real bugger is that when I think friends are just kidding me, they really aren't. And when I think they are dead serious, they are really just fucking around with Doofus.

Am I naive? Or, am I just gullible?

Either case... URRRGH!


Anyhoos.

When in doubt, just smile. :)

And if someone can't see your smile over the phone, give a little silly laugh.

Redjiejie?

I miss office chatter. But I suppose iChat more than makes up for it.

Babe: hey did you really get me an email?
Shooter: add an email? you mean redsports email?
Babe: yeah, if not i put my gmail, cos they can send the info to me
Shooter: you want one? sure. i think better to save your gmail.
Shooter: what do you want for your redsports email?
Shooter: choose wisely.
Babe: redbabe lor
Babe: wasn't it already decided
Shooter: sure ah?
Shooter: don't regret ah.
Babe: erm
Babe: boss
Babe: you reckon?
Babe: redauntie?
Babe: redjiejie?
Shooter: wah lau cannot make it.
Babe: then???
Babe: thats why i say redbabe lor
Babe: redporter abit duh, right?
Shooter: yes very corny that one.
Babe: shucks
Shooter: you can always be redbabe in the cbox.
Babe: heeheehee
Babe: yah
Shooter: i have to meet serious people so if i put redshooter a bit teenagey
Babe: talk to kids can use rdbabe
Shooter: make them swoon lah. they wonder
Shooter: 'wah, wonder what redbabe looks like..."
Shooter: then we can have lucky draw...
Shooter: winner has dinner with red babe.
Babe: you tell those serious people, yes pls send your info to my secretary at redbabe@redsports.sg
Shooter: you want me to die ah


So, I didn't get my 'redbabe'. :( Too glam, the boss complains.

:)

I always, always forget the rule.

When in doubt, just smile.

Ok to bare the teeth, but keep the trap shut.


:)

Unwanted Buoy

Much as I try to imagine otherwise, some things are just beyond me.

There are just some things I can't make better. There are just some people I can't make happier. Much as I try to be an angel.

Maybe it's just not supposed to be my job. Maybe it's really someone else's.

Maybe I shouldn't have butted in. I probably could've messed things up, made things worse.


I must've been quite silly. I must really have been a Doofus-with-a-capital-D.

The world is not made for simpletons like me.


It's cool. I'm cool. Big-ass Fatmama always is.

If the storm brews and you get thrown into the deep blue sea, you'd know where the buoy hangs.

Armor, Or No?

Sometimes, people say stuff that unintentionally hurts you.

It could be a slight comment in a string of words that unfortunately didn't escape your ears and pricked you instead. Or, it could be a slew of opinions that was unfortunately meant for your ears and that slammed you upside down.

Maybe it was blurted out by accident. Or perhaps it was in-your-face.

Sometimes, it feels worse when these people turn out to be friends, they turn out to be the ones you love the most.


I love them, nonetheless.

But still, it pricks and it hurts.


Like the rest before, it will pass.

Work Discussion

Yes, we do have big plans at Red Sports. Like using the best pictures and selling them off as posters, calendars...

Redshooter: sounds like we're from sports illustrated
Redshooter: or espn doing monday night football in the US
Redbabe: we will be when that calendar comes out :)
Redbabe: then we photoshop all the clothes away, and make ruggers play rugby in swimming trunks
Redbabe: cooooooool
Redshooter: you're mad. ;-)
Redshooter: next week water polo.
Redshooter: you can come and lau nuar
Redbabe: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH
Redbabe: FINALLY
Redshooter: and cover them all.
Redbabe: no don't cover them
Redbabe: leave them uncovered
Redshooter: wah lau eeeeeeeehh
Redbabe: SLURRPS

And yes, the games I've been waiting for...

"Fatmama Boy"

monster inc.: You busy busy busy?
ME Inc.: today no no no
monster inc.: I am so tired tired tired
monster inc.: went to the gym gym gym
ME Inc.: me too too too
ME Inc.: oooh oooh oooh
monster inc.: almost fainted fainted fainted
ME Inc.: are you in the loo loo loo?
monster inc.: No no no, but in a big big big room


You can call us "boliao", but I think we're just cute.

Some people just know how to make me adoredoredore them. :)

Waaaiiiting

RedBabe: Game today?
RedShooter: School hols.
RedBabe: Oh. Skool hols leave us jobless huh?

Pretty much like school canteen operators.

*Sigh*


*****

I can't believe I would miss the long-awaited phonecall last evening while I was out on the run. But how the hell was I supposed to expect it to come on a Sunday evening? I am always this lucky.

So the wait came to nought. And now, I have to wait some more.

This evening, or tomorrow evening, so it was communicated over the text.

And then, there's another to expect end of the week.


Have you ever imagined how it might feel like, to be stuck afloat in the middle of the ocean, and have little fish nibble away at your rotting waterlogged flesh? Like you're going through a slow painful dying process but you'd rather just be shot in the head?

Yes, I have.

And this is exactly how it feels right now.

Someone, save me. Or shoot me.

"You're Different"

The lady seemed to like me. She kept laughing at me, almost giving me the doting 'ajumma' look at times. She seemed very interested to know more about me, kept egging me on to divulge more, even tried to dole out some marital advice.

She said I reminded her of her, said she saw a younger version of herself when I spoke.

I was flattered, but really I ought to be wary. She could be just fakin' it.

After all, like they always say, the fashion industry is a bitchy one. You can't be too sweet, too nice to survive it.


Wait a minute.

Does that mean I have potential to make a good bitch?


Maybe.

Better a bitch than a sweetie-pie everyone pokes a finger in.

It's Official...

... the doofus is back. With a new nick too.

[10:40:14] HS says: did I look halfway decent?
[10:41:03] ME Inc. says: yes yes you're alright, i thought.
[10:41:15] ME Inc. says: but a taaaaad sian.
[10:41:53] HS says: haha, of course la!!!! I just ran 12 click!
[10:42:03] ME Inc. says: chey
[10:42:11] HS says: u expect me to be on E or what
[10:42:17] ME Inc. says: you're supposed to be chirpy after a good run
[10:42:23] ME Inc. says: yah
[10:42:56] HS says: ok la
[10:42:56] HS says: find me some A
[10:42:59] HS says: E
[10:43:27] ME Inc. says: I?
[10:43:28] ME Inc. says: O?
[10:43:32] ME Inc. says: U too?
[10:44:35] HS says: u farnee
[10:44:38] HS says: doofus

Doofus poofus woofus.

What's In Your Name?

Got this over some email, would've normally ignored its significance but I just had to take a look for myself.

So it goes like this.

If you have name like "FATMAMA", you'd be:

F: People adore you.
A: Likes to drink.
T: Loyal to those you love.
M: Makes dating fun.
A: Likes to drink.
M: Makes dating fun.
A: Likes to drink.

And so you see why I am amused. For one, people really adore me (this is my blog and I can say whatever I want). Two, I really really make a darned fun(ny) date.

And then, most of all, I really really really like to drink - soya bean milk.

Go check yourself out.

A: Likes to drink.
B: Likes people.
C: Is wild and crazy.
D: Has one of the best personalities ever.
E: A good kisser.
F: People adore you.
G: Never let people tell you what to do.
H: Have a very good personality and looks.
I: Loyal to those you love.
J: Lives life for fun.
K: Really silly.
L: Loved by everyone.
M: Makes dating fun.
N: Dead sexy.
O: Best in bed.
P: Popular with all types of people.
Q: A hypocrite.
R: F*ckin' crazy.
S: Easy to fall in love with.
T: Loyal to those you love.
U: Really like to chill.
V: Not judgemental.
W: Very broad-minded.
X: Never let people tell you what to do.
Y: One of the best damn boyfriend/girlfriend anyone could ask for.
Z: Always ready.


Okay, okay. I am a bit quite impressed with the real me.

'Cos I am dead sexy.

I have very, very good personality and looks.

And fuck, I am a very, very, very good kisser.

Just amongst others.

"You awake? Wow."

Almost eighteen years ago, when I was all of twelve years old, I packed my school uniforms, socks, textbooks, Enid Blytons and Tintins, and moved out of the space I'd shared all my life with the Big Brother, and into the room across which would eventually come to be remembered as "Mom's ex-sewing room".

I'd never been a brat, but I did bug Mom a fair bit on that matter. Well, for an all-important twelve-year-old, I thought I had two very good reasons.

One: "I am a big girl now. I need my own space."
Two: "Kor-kor always bites me."

I suppose I must really be one who "can convince people very well one what", since I got my own room and had all the sewing machines relegated to a corner in the living room.

Some eighteen years on, I think my Mom has forgotten all about the incident, the very first reason why the transaction had taken place at all.

I think Mom has forgotten I am a big girl now. That I need my own space.


I did fall asleep, but I got bumped out of snooze some three hours ago when something popped up in my mind while I was in my semiconscious state and I sat up wondering if it had happened at all. Nothing unusual, really.

Mom was fast asleep next to me, the girls had wandered off to their own dreamland where only four-legged creatures roam and Mommy is God. It was still in the world outside of my window. Well, almost.

I decided to stay awake. I like the stillness, the peace. My own space, finally.

I would have stayed in bed till I decided to crash, but Mom's alarm went off at six. Having Mom stare at me while I was trying to drift into my own world and write was another different matter, so I decided to shower up and get out.

I haven't done this in a long while, and now I am reminded how much I like this.

Driving at seven on a Sunday morning, stereo-less, windows wound down. Bright but not sunny, cool and untainted with pollution of all kinds. The road is so empty, you hear only the world outside. The road was so bare, winds blowing my hair wild, I thought I needed to slow down at 60kmh, when I realized I was still running on the fourth gear.

The best thing about coming to the Village on a Sunday morning, is that parking is for free and you get to choose your favorite lots. No irritating family SUVs blocking the lanes and shamelessly snatching your space. The cafe is empty too, and you get to sit at your favorite spot (yes, the one right next to the power adaptor point). The best thing though, is that the Village on a Sunday morning really reminds me of the village in Seattle where cousin Charles used to stay.

Because it's a Sunday, and because I have enjoyed my morning thus far, I am rewarding myself with a skinny latte this morning. I'll save the regular brews for my "office hours". A sesame bagel with some cream cheese would've given me the complete feel, but it just doesn't taste the same here. I can't put my finger on it, but something's just not quite right.

And all of a sudden, I really miss Portland. No, wait. I think it's Seattle that I miss.

No. I really, really miss Frisco. All the quaint little Italian cafes, and the even more quaint folks sitting in there... oooh...

*poof*

Damn. Why did they have to change the Blues to Whitney and Celine?! If Mariah comes on next, I am so gonna shoot someone.


When I get my own place, it'd have to be some neat little old apartment, near the Village hopefully.

One day, when I get my own place. One day, hopefully not too far away. I really am a big girl now.

Mom will understand, I know.


Fuck. It really is Mariah.

Shoot me.


post.script: I am not kidding. Kor-kor really used to bite me. I would wake up some mornings and find deeply etched teethmarks on my arm. Before I could figure out what had happened, I would overhear Kor-kor telling Mom, "Ma, can cook chicken wings tonight? I dreamt about eating them last night."

What can I say? I was an abused child.

Love

You know everything's really quite worth it, when the receiver on the other end of the line let you ramble and babble on and on about some other silly conversation... when it had been really quite a silly conversation.

And do you know when someone really loves you?

Someone really loves you when he shares in your joys and laughs with you.

But most of all, someone really loves you when he doesn't cry with you in your sadness.

Someone really loves you when he tries to take away your sadness, by making you laugh.


When someone really loves you, it doesn't necessarily mean he will love you forever.

It just means, he really loves you now. Today. And that's all that matters.

Good Luck

Someone apparently needs it as much as, if not more than, I do.

Give you some, but not all, ok. I need to be a selfish bitch today. :)

KNN

I ran so hard. And then, I ate so much.

#%*&(^!$!

Then again, thank goodness I ran at all. 'Cos I would've eaten this much anyways.

Blocked

我挡, 我挡, 我挡挡挡.

Tsk. Some people are just asking for it.

Don't call me a bitch.


And then, the stupid text came in over the phone.

#*&%^)(!*^%(!@#!!!!

Pooped

I've been getting tired, really worn out.

The running around in the hot afternoons, the staying awake and jotting notes during the games, the churning out words, or rather the lack thereof, the searching and then the long painful, fruitless waiting.

The thinking. The talking. Then more thinking. And then more talking.


I am getting distracted too.

From my once-a-week-only resolution. From my urgency to produce. From thinking and doing the right thing.

I seem to be the one with loads of time in my pocket, but in all honesty, time is not on my side.


I know what's been missing for a while.

I need a run. I badly need to think and sweat.

Bee Hoon

Babe: we doing lunch together?
Babe: or you lunching home first?
Shooter: come over and have home cooked bee hoon by aida.
Babe: oooooooo
Shooter: chili sauce thrown in.
Shooter: free wifi.
Shooter: and sky juice on rocks.

I think I might just have found Office No. 4.

GAPed

I first saw the ad in the papers way back in December, just before I left for Honks. Immediately roused with excitement, and perhaps out of a little impulse as well, I sent the email.

Got the surprising phonecall while I was still drowsy in Honks, and after some quick explanation of my schedule, we made a date to meet immediately once I came back to Singers.

We met, on a coincidentally fateful Wednesday. We liked each other, at least mildy enough. But I couldn't quite cut it still. Got some blatantly honest explanation and advice, the straight-talking and frankness I actually liked because she reminded me of me. After almost two hours (including some long waits), I got up, straightened my pretty skirt, shook hands, said my thanks, and bade goodbye.

And that, would also have been back in December.

*****

So Red Shooter says to Red Babe, to please try to wear red if possible.

And I have been errant. Not that I was being a rebel again, but it's true, Red Babe hasn't quite bought any red shirts in recent years.

Yestermorning, I looked at the wardrobe and remembered I did have some old red stuff, probably untouched and tucked away in some corner. Probably very creased too.

I must've fallen victim to the 'tiny-tee-that-exposes-your-belly-button' fad at some point. Either that, or tee-shirts do actually shrink when kept in storage for donkey years. I could find nothing suitable to wear - not at least at my age now.

And then, I pulled out my once-favorite tee. Bought it during one of them crazy shopping moods in the States, from the boys department, in size 'XS'. So yes, it is tiny too.

But it is bright bloody red. And it spells "G A P" in obsidian blocks across the chest.

Loved it. Realize I still love it. So I put it on, belly-button flashing and all.

Purrfect.


The spooks took place about a couple of hours later, while I was sitting in Office No. 3, cranking up the juices in my brain, trying to churn the words out.

"We'd like to see you again. Are you free Friday afternoon?"

"Er..."

"The GM is flying in from KL on Friday, and she'd like to meet up with you. 3.30 can?"

"Er... sorry, what position is this again?"

"The brand manager job for GAP? That's what you applied for. Isn't it?"

"Er, yes of course. But I last met you guys in December... Are you sure you called the right person?"

"Hahaha... yes. We want to see you. See you Friday 3.30."

"Erm. Ok."


Funny things do happen to funny people. Perhaps that's how they are funny people. No?

I am still feeling a tad amused.

Out Of Gas

I have not gotten a single drop of gas for two whole weeks. Yes, since that Wednesday.

Miraculous or what, whatever that went into my tank that night, kept us going for two weeks.

But it seems the going has come to an end, we've run out of gas. The gauge is finally running down very close to '0'.


I need to refuel.

The Decision

Someone I should know very well is hurting too. Starting to cry.

I think I've seen her this way, probably worse off. I thought she would never have any reason to be anymore in her life, she said she would be shutting her heart down. So, it must really be bad this time.


I know you're just human, though you feel otherwise sometimes. But not quite like all of us though, 'cos you seem a little sillier, much more gullible.

Most others say, that you deserve better. But I thought you already found something awesome, you actually got what you deserve. Then again, I might be wrong.


You seem to have it tough, but maybe, hopefully, in time to come, you'll be having it easier. You have to be. You have to keep trying.

Smile. Laugh, run, swim, write, sweat it all out.

Be happy. That is what you've always wanted.

I know you'll get it.


Yes, I'll show you.

"Yo"

Someone I know is hurting. Crying even.

And I don't think I've ever seen him this way. I never thought he had any reason to be, anyway. So, it must really have been bad this time.


I know you're just human, like all of us.

And despite what some others might say, I do think you deserve better than this. Just like all of us do.


You don't have it tougher than you think you do.

Smile. Sweat it all out.

Be happy. That was what you had wanted, so show me you got it.

Nightmare #573

I never used to be plagued by bad dreams and worse sleep, I swear.

I remember I used to sleep like a baby. Tight and sweet. But that seems like eons ago.

I think I have inner demons, that I need desperately to exorcise.


I recall only that I was walking, and being a klutz like I usually am. I tripped.

A light trip that caused, strangely, a very horrific injury. I couldn't get up on my feet. I saw deep gashes on my lower right leg, and then out from a big hole on my right ankle, fluids starting gushing. Not blood, just fluids. Colorless fluids that couldn't be stopped, and that flooded the ground around me.

The next thing I saw, my entire lower leg disintegrated, skin and flesh. All that were left dangling were the ghastly white bones. Yes, still strangely intact.

I got up, hopped on my good leg but it became grossly deformed under the stress.

I was distraught. No pain. Just wild panic and insanity.


I opened my eyes. Sat up immediately. Looked down at my legs. Reached out to feel them.

Then, I let out a huge sigh of relief. And then, almost tears.

It felt that real.

And the clock read only 3:34.

Of 'Whys' And 'What-ifs'

There has been much musing, almost fantasizing, about 'whys' and 'what-ifs' of late.

I used to be a big fan of 'whys' and 'what-ifs', but I got bitten, I lost some bit of passion and romanticism, I had probably reconditioned myself a little.

Why did I make the purported move beyond "Nite"?

What if I hadn't?

What if the crossing had taken place way, way before this?

So what? I don't know. I wouldn't know. Would I really want to know?

Well, I confess - it has been fun fantasizing.


Whether five years ago, or five years later, or twenty years down the road, if we were meant to come into each other's lives, we would some day.

iPork'd

We had grill for dinner at home this evening. Our way of celebrating the end of the new year.

Grilled salmon and beef, done just medium rare, so that it just about melts in the mouth. I absolutely adore.

But then, the smell of burnt butter is still lingering in the kitchen. Now I feel like barfing whenever I go for a pee. :/


I have an obsession of late.

Whole, unprocessed foods. I eschew processed stuff like as if they might poison me.

Yes, yes, I am trying my darnedest to be good everywhere, everything else - just so I can feel less bad.


Oh. I did pork tonight. :)

I didn't embrace it, but I think it's a start.

Some things just don't matter anymore.

Dumbass

An exchange of words over the still-faulty phone took me a little by surprise.

"Doin anything monday?"

"Other than waking up and smelling the flowers, I have no other plan."

"If the pollen gets to you, we can do bala at nite."


See? Maybe that's a problem.

But I can't help it. I can't resist smarts.

And then, I don't know how to stop.


I'm a dumbass, really. :/

Yes? Or No?

Deep down somewhere inside of me, I know I really, really want to say 'no'. Just for one reason, I want to say 'no' to the world.

But then, should I be wanting to say 'no'? Is it really ok for me to want to say 'no'? Am I crazy for wanting to say 'no'? After all, wasn't I told to say 'yes', for my own sake?

I really want to say 'no'.

But I suppose, not saying 'no' is simply a way of guarding myself. Not saying 'no' is just a form of obedience. For my own good.

And so, I said 'yes'.


But I didn't feel better. Heck, I wasn't even good.

And deep down somewhere inside of me, I know I was feeling almost miserable, and my heart was almost ripping apart.

This time, I should've listened to myself. I should've just stuck to 'no'.

Now, I really am going to say 'no'.

"Efficiency"

And so the number "268" finally flashed across the board.

CS: Hi, what's wrong with your phone?
Me: Hi, I am not getting any notification when messages come in.
CS: Oh, I think your phone needs a software upgrade. You'll need to send it in.
Me: As in, overnight? I don't get to see my phone overnight?
CS: Yes, collect tomorrow.
Me: Cannot. If I come in on weekdays, can I collect on the same day?
CS: Yes, try Thursday. It is usually quietest on Thursdays. Come in before 11, and you can pick up by 5.
Me: So I waited two hours to hear this, that I should come back on Thursday instead?

It was barely two minutes before "269" flashed across the screen.

I must've held the record for the fastest-served customer for the day.

93rd

Being wireless anywhere and everywhere is awesome.

Having a nifty twelve-inch machine that you can easily tote around in a bag doubles that awesomeness.

Now, I am no longer the grouchy babe I used to be, waiting in the queue behind ninety-three other darned souls at the service center.


Yes, I don't think I got that wrong. 268 minus 175 is 93, no?

Okay, 8 more to go...

Blistered

There's good reason why I can't live without my Birkies.

These damn freakin' heels will be the life of me, if I have to live in them, walk in them, run in them, breathe in them everyday.

I am beginning to suspect otherwise, that I might just have been born with weird feet. It's tough for me not to be Cinderella.

If, and only if, the shoe fits...


It's Friday, it's Friday!

And for the first time in a long, long while, I am actually excited that it's Friday.

There's ironically work to be done, and a job (I'm trying) to attend to tomorrow at freakin' eight-half in the morning. But I also have been missing my chicks for one whole freakin' week.

Tonight will be the real test.


There's much more inside of me I'd like to write about, but the 'feeling' has not been there for the past few days.

Tomorrow should be right... before the Devils-Reds face-off in the night.

But in the meantime...

I FUCKIN' HATE MY STUPID PHONE.

Running

There I was, lying on my bed at an hour so early it surprised even me, panting and heaving and breathing so hard, I suppose that was what actually got me tired and put me to rest eventually.

I don't get it.

Why is it that I find myself running out of breath and getting exhausted quicker when it's my nose that's running, instead of my legs?


This is unknowingly becoming an awesome week.

I would like to think that the sickness I am nursing now is a farewell gift I should accept with grace, but then I am also suspecting it could be just a by-product of a cold-turkey treatment.

When your body can't get what it wants, it rebels and makes life hell for you. Something like that.

And then, there are the friends who've been popping up in my life over the past few days, even in the most hilarious little ways.

Just like this morning.

Just when I thought I needed some 'warm-up' to clear the throat and bring my mood to a natural chirpy-high, I had to bump into my Vaporubs at the train station at our village.

Aahh! What's better to lift your moods way up high than a good session of gossip gossip gossip?


I am so ready.

Bring it on. And vanish, you disgusting icky stuff.

BOO!!!

No need to check lah.

I never write.

=)

"It's Ok To Sell Your Soul..."

Methinks Porpor says the darnedest things.

Just that he doesn't really talk much.


It feels a lil' outta-sorts, yet somewhat refreshing, taking life lessons from a non-living polyester creature.

But hey, if it works, why not?