Low

Just got back not too long ago from work.

But tonight, I have no mood to cook any noodles. I'll just munch on some shortbread and Tim Tams to stop my stomach from rumbling further.


The mood is really low.

Strangely and upsettingly, when I had been so good for the past few days. Even past the weekend.

I really really hope it's the stress at work and from the presentations tomorrow. Even if it's delayed PMS, anything please.


I am feeling as if the effect I had on myself is wearing out. The self-pep, the self-talks, the self-reminders. Words I said to myself to turn myself in the opposite direction - I seem to have forgotten all of them.

I feel like I need to start over again. Suddenly, it feels so tiring. Do I have to end up doing this every few days?

I know how sometimes the demons can be silently lying in wait somewhere all around you, and then slowly creeping upon you and snatching your soul away from you once the spirits get low.

Like I cannot explain why, all of a sudden, the emptiness has crept inside and is taking over all of me.

I am remembering everything again. Gawd.

I hope this goes away after tonight. And I hope I'll sleep better tonight, because I haven't been for weeks.

I'll start talking to myself again after the meeting ends. And then, maybe I'd better start planning what I'd get down to do this weekend. I can't possibly be going back to the office every Sunday, can I?


Maybe, too, I'd better start reliving the idea of going away for a while.

I had been thinking since weeks ago and had desperately wanted to - till the bills started mounting again.

But now, maybe I really do need a trip. Somewhere. Somewhere I've always wanted to go. Anywhere just to get out of here.

Some idyllic island where I can just sit and stone away. I don't think I'm in a mood to explore. I just need quiet time by myself.

Bali. Phuket. Samui. Redang.

I'll get out quickly. As soon as I can. Once this meeting ends. In the next couple of weeks.

So there.