You To Me Are Everything

Do you actually have a song - your song - that you can turn up the volume and listen to, over and over again, whether you're happy or sad?

I do.

I would take the stars out of the sky for you
Stop the rain from falling if you ask me to
I'd do anything for you
Your wish is my command
I could move a mountain when your hand is in my hand

Well, if you happen to know me that well enough, you would've known this is my song. My song - the words "all-time favorite" just sound too feeble (and too cliched) to justify the emotions it never fails to arouse in me everytime it is played. I have never loved '70s discos more than this.

I am especially touched by those few who have always remembered my song, and who have never failed to make a bargain with the DJ to play my song, just to see my jubilant smile. I don't know, but I'm guessing the way my face lits up when my song gets played is likened to a child's innocence joy when he sees a new plaything.

Everyone probably just thinks I like this song because it makes my head bob and my body break into a boogie, and just because it makes me so happy.

No one walking on the face of this Earth, however, probably understands what, and how much, this song means to me.

Words cannot express how much you mean to me
There must be some other way to make you see
If it takes my heart and soul
You know I'd pay the price
Everything that I possess I'll gladly sacrifice


If I ever do have my history to be written in a book, or to be played out in a movie, this song would never be missed.

Would it be my theme song? Haha, yeah, maybe.


This song became mine, probably way back sometime in 1998. I just turned a final-year undergrad, and Wong San's was my favorite hang-out then.

It was also around this time, that I met the man and had my first few brief, but deeply impressive, encounters with him, all by the act of chance and fate. It wasn't love at first sight for sure (I thought he was just a punkish freshie - but then I've always had a thing for bad boys). There was nothing of a strong vibe, but the impressions strangely lingered on. I didn't think about him all the time, in fact I thought of him none at all, but whenever he was around, the heartbeat somehow raced so fast it would skip a bit now and then. What started out, I thought, as a harmless flirt, grew unwittingly into a strong inexplicable crush.

Doing laundry suddenly became a more meaningful activity that I looked forward to.

You to me are everything
The sweetest song that I can sing
Oh baby, oh baby
To you, I guess I'm just a clown
Who picks you up each time you're down
Oh baby, oh baby

Anyway. I was newly single too - fresh out of the relationship with the Ex that I had almost unwittingly become a wife to. I wasn't looking for anything, and was just glad I had gotten out of a potentially messy future. But in doing so, I had myself totally befuddled: if I was so sure that wasn't Love, then what is?

I had never been so wild and carefree. Free of other activities than studies, I knew of nothing else but party, make merry, and play sports like a real collegiate athlete. When mid-term exams were over, I would typically play sports in the morning, sleep in the afternoon, play more sports in the evening, then head out for a night of fun. How I loved hostel life.

And that was when Edmund came into my life.

Edmund is one friend I'll always be thankful for, just for having appeared in my life at the right time and for having been there for me in one of my most crucial times of need. We had probably known each other for about a year then, but somehow really only hit it off during that last mid-term break. Maybe because we both had something in common - we were both newly single yet pining for love.

To date, it still amuses the two of us when we think about how we had never fallen for each other, given we were both in a very vulnerable state and had only each other to depend on. Sometimes, we would be having a coffee session, and then matter-of-factly ask each other, "Eh, how come last time you never fall for me ah?" before starting to jibe each other again. He was the reason that made me believe in pure platonic friendships.

We grew so close, we would wait for each other for lunch after our morning sports, then wait for each other for dinner after our evening sports, and then head out to Wong San's when night fell. Sometimes when we wanted more peace, we would take a train to City Hall, pop by 7-Eleven for bottles of e33s, then sit down at the Padang, doing nothing but staring up at the sky and giving the other a listening ear. Just the two of us.

He would talk about his lost love, and I? I had fallen in love with the man unknowingly.

You gave me just a taste of love to build my hopes upon
You know you got the power, girl, to keep me holding on
So now you've got the best of me
Come on and take the rest of me
Oh baby


We set many tongues wagging for sure. But we were so enjoying the company we gave each other, we couldn't give a hoot. We were, in fact, so proud of the fact that we never jeopardized a true friendship by letting romantic feelings get in the way - we called each other 'brother' and 'sister'.

Wong San's was a place we stumbled upon together. To me, it was the best place then - it was really popular then, with caucasians and SPGs, and on a good night, you could catch a glimpse of sleazy acts getting on around the dance floor. It was pure fun for me. And best of all, they always played the song, that would become my song, all the nights I was there.

Whenever my song was played, I would start thinking about the man, and starting thinking how complicated things were because they weren't what they seemed then. The song would make me sad.

Though you're close to me we seem so far apart
Maybe given time you'll have a change of heart
If it takes forever, girl
Then I'm prepared to wait
The day you give your love to me won't be a day too late

Eventually, Edmund fell in love with a waitress working at Wong San's (which explained why we became more and more frequent patrons there). In no time, I realized I was always being left alone in the pub, and I stopped going with him altogether. I didn't blame him though. It just made me a little sadder, and more lonely.

All these happened in the short 2-month mid-term vacation.

I went out and bought a CD from HMV that contained my song. It cost me 40 bucks then, which was a lot of money to me.

You to me are everything
The sweetest song that I can sing
Oh baby, oh baby
To you, I guess I'm just a clown
Who picks you up each time you're down
Oh baby, oh baby


If you'd thought this was a story about the man and me - well, it's not.

This was a story about how a song became my song, and the circumstances around it that made it my song.

Which is all very important to me right now.


I always still do think about the man whenever I hear my song.

Whether I am happy or sad, because it always makes me relive those days when unspoken love consumed me.

I have long ago lost the $40 CD that contained my song. Don't know what happened to it, but I think I must've lent it to someone.

So, some time ago, I decided I would create my own compilation of driving songs - that no one, not even the man, appreciates. "You call these 'driving songs'???"

Mostly they are songs I've liked a lot, over the past - wow - 14 or 15 years. All of them are songs that remind me a lot of some part of my youthful past. I don't just start bobbing my head in the car, while listening to them; I start reliving my past.

Of course, my song is in that self-created CD.

In the past few days, I've been listening to it - and only it. I've put the song on 'repeat' mode. And I'm still not sick of it. These days, I notice I'm smiling as I sing to the song. A drive to the airport probably lets me play the song at least 10 times. It's been giving me a little peace these days on the long way there.

You gave me just a taste of love to build my hopes upon
You know you got the power, girl, to keep me holding on
So now you've got the best of me
Come on and take the rest of me
Oh baby


My song is making me so nostalgic it's making me do two crazy things.

One is to tell you this story.

Two is to relive my past a little sometime soon.

We'll see.