Still Managing

I can't believe I'm just done at the office - on a Sunday evening.

I probably took this long to complete my work, partly because of a malfunctioning brain and a reluctant heart.


What a boo-boo. I didn't manage to retrieve my bike after all.

I got past the combination lock, yes. But I realized the bike was locked up in my aunt's room. And it seemed nobody had the key to her room. Urgh.

I turned back towards the office, and felt real bad toward my friend.

Now, I've got to somehow help her source for another one.


Just received disheartening news about a couple, both of whom are friends to me, who have just parted ways a few days ago. Under sad circumstances, it seemed. For my girlfriend, at least.

It is always especially sad when it seems you have no choice but to let things go, just when you thought you have finally found the perfect one, after all these years of searching and maybe some 'trialing'. I absolutely know that.

I spoke briefly with her over the phone, partly to let her know I understand, and without even telling me anything much at all, I could tell she was badly hit this time round. I wish I could give her a hug.

She sent me a message a while later: "... read your blog, not sure how you managed then."

I replied: "... I'm still managing and things are still in limbo stage for me... you'll probably pull through faster and better than me." And I honestly meant that.

Managing your feelings. Managing circumstances, most of which you have no control over. Pulling yourself together. Stifling your tears. Consciously pulling away from thoughts. Having inner voices talking to you all the time, some of which you're trying to ignore, others you're struggling to comprehend.

Making decisions. Or, at least, trying to.

I know all these you're going through.

I still am going through them myself. Everyday.