Man or Woman?

I don't get it.

Why am I feeling not that anticipated sense of excitedness, but instead a rather heavy tinge of uncertainty? Not a feeling of guillt, but rather an uncanny feeling that I've placed some sort of mistrust in myself again.

Still, what's decided been decided.

No regrets.


Had yet another talk with yet another girlfriend who has yet another man-problem.

Why?

Why can't we for once invoke the same kind of despondence in men, the way they do us? Why must it always be us women who feel the most, get the most dejection and rejection, and appear to be the race who cannot get over matters of the heart?

Maybe because it is only us women who appear to have hearts. Or maybe we just use them differently.

Almost similar situations but different perspectives.

The talk interested me, and sparked off more thoughts in my mind. Just ended up with a lot more 'whys' than I already had.


Sometimes I wish I knew men's minds. Sometimes I don't really think I want to know.

Will knowing actually make things better? Will knowing actually make me feel better about myself and about the world?

Knowing might change me and all the beliefs I've had in me, and I'm not sure if I want to change. Then, I might as well have been born a man in the first place, and start regretting being a woman.

Which might lead to a whole new different set of troubles in me.

No - perhaps, I don't really want to know men. Perhaps I should just accept the way they are, and mind my own business as a woman. And the only thing I can do is just to gripe about how farked-up this world has become.


Shoot - I've just gotten myself pretty confused there.