Smell

A passage from What's Worth Knowing:


It's nobody's business how you do your grieving.
- Henrietta Samuels, age 91

Ever since Ralph died, I've been going into our big closet in the bedroom and sniffing his clothes. I squeeze myself in there, right between his suits. That's where his smell is the strongest. Especially when I'm feeling blue, I go in there and get a good, long sniff. It's the only place in the house where it doesn't feel like he's gone.

On afternoon, my daughter came over while I was still in that closet, sniffing. I guess I didn't hear the bell. She used her key, and the next thing I knew I heard her calling me in the hall. I tried to sneak out of the closet, but some hangers gave me away. She asked what the heck I was doing in there. I thought she was going to have me locked up. She threatened to throw all of his clothes in her car that minute and donate them to charity.

I let her know that closet was going to stay just the way it was.

Henrietta Samuels' husband, Ralph, was a salesman who spent most of this working years on the road. Because he moved his family each time his territory was shifted, Henrietta barely had time to accumulate acquaintances before they were packing up to leave. She became adept at departures and absences, fleeting relationships, and making do with whatever warmth she could find.


*****

I thought I found this a cute story.

Why do I feel like I so emphatize with old Mrs Samuels?

Smells.

I read this story on the same day I saw him just before he flew off for the long trip. It was never expected, but I ended up having a long lunch at the airport. I thought we had already had our last "goodbye, safe trip" the night before.

The nice long lunch ended with a big hug.

Oh, that hug. And that smell.

I didn't know if it was a psychological retention of that smell, or if he really did put on too much scent.

But I thought while I was driving in my car back to work, long after I'd driven away from the airport, I could still smell him there, right all around me. I remember smiling to myself silly in the car.

Good ol' smells bring such sweetness to me. Just like my old little pillow.

Smell therapy. It can actually bring so much memories and happiness to one.