Sex

Bangkok.

City of tuk-tuks, cheap massages, tom-yum goong and ancient glass-bottled Coca-Cola. City of street dogs, poor homeless kids and affluent upper-class folks toting their Hermes and striding in their Gucci heels. City of modern stylish buildings built amidst the filthy smelly streets.

City of Caucasian and Japanese tourists.

City of sex and prostitutes.


The hotel I'm staying in is a newly-renovated 'boutique' hotel. Cool new spanky lobby with a snazzy jazz lounge to boot. Right smack in Sukhumvit - where the heart of Bangkok shopping and nightlife lie.

Right, it looks pretty clean and decent for business travellers like me.

What I never quite expect to see in a hotel like this: Caucasian men with Thai girls, Japanese men with Thai girls. I was once in the same elevator with two such... er, pairs.

It was pretty obvious they weren't couples. To put it in a slighting manner, it was quite obvious the girls had been 'picked up'. It was such an uncomfortable experience for me - that short elevator ride up to my 14th floor.

In the first place, Japanese men - especially when they are in their forties - would not be interested in Thai girls as partners when all they want is an obedient housewife who abides by all their Japanese-spoken commands. In bed? Sex language transcends all cultural boundaries.

Secondly, I do know of some Caucasian male-friends who like dating Asian girls, especially Thai girls who can turn out really tall, long-haired and gorgeous. Sometimes I've seen Caucasian men walking hand-in-hand with their Thai 'girlfriends' - except they aren't really girls and I wonder if the ang-mohs are actually savvy enough to realize that.

The fact is, yes, ang-mohs may really like and date Thai girls - but only if they are tall and pretty.

The girls in the same elevator - well, they really look more Thai than Thai-Chinese. The Thai-Chinese girls are usually pretty with big eyes; the Thai-looking girls just look like their male counterparts, mostly. They were looking so plain, I really wondered if men looking for sex would just settle for anything that comes with a female anatomy. When I entered the elevator, I thought at first, "What's this ang-moh doing in Thailand with his maid?" Period.

The men in the elevator - I won't be surprised if they are married back home with kids and all. Especially that lecherous-looking Japanese. The girl in his arms looked barely of legal age. I tried looking out for any wedding band - but oh please.

I know I sound mean.

But I'm really more disgusted than anything. At men like them.


*****

I've heard this question.

Would I rather a man who fucks around before marriage or one who fucks around after?

Preferably, neither. What is the value of love and marriage and trust to such a man in either case? It would be devastating to know.

But then, sometimes your preference no longer matters when you become so in love.

You try so hard to stick to your values but your blinding love shrouds your ability to see.

It is so hard in this world. To live and to love.


*****

I have been so bothered by months, I have been plagued by nightmares just like I had been last night.

All because of a small green box I'd unwittingly found but I really shouldn't have found.

Why did my fears have to be confirmed?

Why, oh why do I still bother?