"Alcoholic Ruminations"

I was just feeling bad when I received some very wisecrap from - of all people - my most wholesome best friend.

*****

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."


"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
- Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better-looking than most people.


"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
- Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.


"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
- Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.


"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
- Brian O'Rourke


"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
- Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.


"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
- Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.


"To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a support group. Salvation in a can!"
- Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

*****

Thanks for making me laugh while feeling bad at the same time. =)