It's a day off work for me. And I'm back here sitting at my favorite cafe at East Coast.
Even though I knew the rain would come.
I haven't done this - sitting alone, having quiet drinks, enjoying quiet lone time - in a long, long time.
I miss this.
I am like so caught in the rain now lor.
Someone I barely knew for weeks told me, I am "confused, lost and weak. Troubled too. But independent."
I don't quite get the last part of it. So, I've been thinking about it for days.
And no, I didn't think you were judging. I am just impressed you would actually know - without even knowing me.
Sometimes, I wish I hadn't met you.
Things probably wouldn't have been so tough for me then.
I so need to get a bloody new phone. I just can't decide which - the Atom or just a cheapo one.
That, and whether I would be staying or leaving anyway.
I'm writing in bits and pieces, because that's how my mind is right now.
Bits and pieces.
I can't even decide what to think through - first. The past? The present? Or, the future?
I can't even think in wholes.
And then, things come in and mess up your life further.
I think I'm in a thinking stage now.
Don't think I have much more to say till I'm really through with it.
I do have options in front of me now.
I just don't have the guts to choose anymore.
People walk in and out of your life. All the time.
Some walk in, hang around, and just decide to walk out after a long, long time.
Some walk in, disappear and then just happily reappear after donkey years, like nothing had happened.
Some, they just come and go in a snap of your fingers. In a matter of weeks.
All make a dent in your life - sometimes it's a smile that stays, other times it's a hole that remains as well. A hell-hole.
What's this? My life's a convenience store for all?
A 7-Eleven that goes 'ding-dong' everytime someone walks in or out? It's no wonder I am going ding-dong.
I oughta get a security pass for my life. I should have some sort of security clearance in place, shouldn't I?
With all these confusing activities of people entering and exiting, you just don't know who to hang on to anymore.
You just can't tell who would be a stayer, who a trepasser, and who a bypasser.
You'll never know when they will leave.
I don't know what day it is today.
Friday, March 31, 2006
"Alcoholic Ruminations"
I was just feeling bad when I received some very wisecrap from - of all people - my most wholesome best friend.
*****
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
- Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better-looking than most people.
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
- Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
- Stephen Wright
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
- Brian O'Rourke
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
- Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
- Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
"To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a support group. Salvation in a can!"
- Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
*****
Thanks for making me laugh while feeling bad at the same time. =)
*****
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
- Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better-looking than most people.
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
- Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
- Stephen Wright
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
- Brian O'Rourke
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
- Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
- Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
"To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a support group. Salvation in a can!"
- Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
*****
Thanks for making me laugh while feeling bad at the same time. =)
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Abnormality
You and I are just two very different people. Just like you said.
Very different, indeed.
You're normal. And I'm abnormal.
Take it. Or, leave it.
Very different, indeed.
You're normal. And I'm abnormal.
Take it. Or, leave it.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Monday, March 27, 2006
Sex and Moon
Not sure if this is true, but it sure is darn funny.
*****
On July 20, 1969, as Commander of the Apollo 11 Lunar Module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon.
His first words after stepping on the Moon, "That's one small step for Man, one giant leap for Mankind," were televised to Earth and heard by millions.
But just before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark, "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years, many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.
On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded.
Mr. Gorsky had died, so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.
In 1938 when he was a kid in a small Midwest town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit the ball, which landed in his neighbor's yard by the bedroom windows.
His neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky.
As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting At Mr. Gorsky.
"Sex! You want sex?! You'll get sex when the kid next door walks on the Moon!"
*****
=D
*****
On July 20, 1969, as Commander of the Apollo 11 Lunar Module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon.
His first words after stepping on the Moon, "That's one small step for Man, one giant leap for Mankind," were televised to Earth and heard by millions.
But just before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark, "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years, many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.
On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded.
Mr. Gorsky had died, so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.
In 1938 when he was a kid in a small Midwest town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit the ball, which landed in his neighbor's yard by the bedroom windows.
His neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky.
As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting At Mr. Gorsky.
"Sex! You want sex?! You'll get sex when the kid next door walks on the Moon!"
*****
=D
"Maybe..."
I met a friend at the basketball courts today. A friend who never fails to make me laugh.
The candid conversation that ensued took me by mild surprise. So did the strange proposition that followed.
A strange one that I wouldn't mind, actually.
As I've always thought, things could've been different if we had known each other under a much different circumstance.
Don't you think?
I so need to run - more.
My beer is settling nicely on my tum-bum. Darn.
The candid conversation that ensued took me by mild surprise. So did the strange proposition that followed.
A strange one that I wouldn't mind, actually.
As I've always thought, things could've been different if we had known each other under a much different circumstance.
Don't you think?
I so need to run - more.
My beer is settling nicely on my tum-bum. Darn.
My Little Abu-neh-neh
"So many uncles!"
So the little man exclaimed. He was sitting by my side watching the Man Utd game with me.
"Kick the ball!"
So cute, right?
*****
The little man makes a good nephew for me because he's fun-loving enough to fool around with.
Too fun-loving, as his mom probably thinks. But just nice for me. I like.
The 'abu-the-neh' act.
姑姑 adores you so, little angel.
So the little man exclaimed. He was sitting by my side watching the Man Utd game with me.
"Kick the ball!"
So cute, right?
*****
The little man makes a good nephew for me because he's fun-loving enough to fool around with.
Too fun-loving, as his mom probably thinks. But just nice for me. I like.
The 'abu-the-neh' act.
姑姑 adores you so, little angel.
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Almost
I can just feel it slipping away.
Enough is enough.
I think I've had enough.
I wonder what comes first.
Depression, then addiction? Or the other way round?
I just know it's a vicious cycle.
Pardon me if I seem a little too quiet, a little too pensive these days. A little too far out of reach.
My crappy self has been hibernating. She's just a little too tired, from looking happy while fighting sadness. She comes out these days only upon alcoholic induction, usually in the night-time.
Even I think it's bad.
There's just too much for me to handle now. Complication upon complication upon complication.
And I am beginning to hate drama.
I think I'll be a warrior by the time I overcome all these. A supposedly stronger warrior.
Let me sort through some stuff still knotted up in my mind before I resurface as the stronger woman I'm supposed to be.
I think I'm almost there.
In the meantime, I just can't turn down the invitation tonight.
Nor could I this afternoon.
*****
My Lui Garcia just put the ball in the net in the derby match.
"The man for big occasions," says the commentator.
A hero.
Enough is enough.
I think I've had enough.
I wonder what comes first.
Depression, then addiction? Or the other way round?
I just know it's a vicious cycle.
Pardon me if I seem a little too quiet, a little too pensive these days. A little too far out of reach.
My crappy self has been hibernating. She's just a little too tired, from looking happy while fighting sadness. She comes out these days only upon alcoholic induction, usually in the night-time.
Even I think it's bad.
There's just too much for me to handle now. Complication upon complication upon complication.
And I am beginning to hate drama.
I think I'll be a warrior by the time I overcome all these. A supposedly stronger warrior.
Let me sort through some stuff still knotted up in my mind before I resurface as the stronger woman I'm supposed to be.
I think I'm almost there.
In the meantime, I just can't turn down the invitation tonight.
Nor could I this afternoon.
*****
My Lui Garcia just put the ball in the net in the derby match.
"The man for big occasions," says the commentator.
A hero.
Haha
My 'sailing' aunt is funny.
She sent an email just yesterday to let me know she'd be back for a three-week vacation on Monday.
Surprised was I - we hadn't heard from her for months, and all of a sudden, she's coming home.
I replied to express my pleasant surprise, and to ask if she needed a pick-up from the airport.
*****
Dear Mei,
In Egypt, we cannot plan and let the Egyptian get things done in advance. When we gave a last minute job, they will do it very well. Planned job - they think we "still have time" and later part they totally forget. This is the way of life here. When you are in Rome, do what the Romans do. My flight is departing Cairo via Bahrain on the 27th of March and arriving Spore 08:25 hrs on the March 28th.I have arrange my friend (those with life and do not know where to waste their time) to fetch me from airport. Will see you at home.
*****
Ha ha ha.
I think God sent her home.
I've been thinking of asking if she had a job for me onboard the ship.
Anything. Anything to experience life.
*****
I 'haha' a lot, so it seems.
"You high on drugs or what... why always haha?"
"Hahaha."
She sent an email just yesterday to let me know she'd be back for a three-week vacation on Monday.
Surprised was I - we hadn't heard from her for months, and all of a sudden, she's coming home.
I replied to express my pleasant surprise, and to ask if she needed a pick-up from the airport.
*****
Dear Mei,
In Egypt, we cannot plan and let the Egyptian get things done in advance. When we gave a last minute job, they will do it very well. Planned job - they think we "still have time" and later part they totally forget. This is the way of life here. When you are in Rome, do what the Romans do. My flight is departing Cairo via Bahrain on the 27th of March and arriving Spore 08:25 hrs on the March 28th.I have arrange my friend (those with life and do not know where to waste their time) to fetch me from airport. Will see you at home.
*****
Ha ha ha.
I think God sent her home.
I've been thinking of asking if she had a job for me onboard the ship.
Anything. Anything to experience life.
*****
I 'haha' a lot, so it seems.
"You high on drugs or what... why always haha?"
"Hahaha."
Golf
Laugh... just like I did.
*****
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied. "I'm having an affair with my secretary and we had sex all afternoon."
She looked down at his shoes and said: "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
*****
Nope. I'm not trying to encourage any one of you, friends.
*****
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied. "I'm having an affair with my secretary and we had sex all afternoon."
She looked down at his shoes and said: "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
*****
Nope. I'm not trying to encourage any one of you, friends.
Friday, March 24, 2006
Bad World
I am upset. Truly, deeply, madly upset.
I can't get my ticket to Taipei.
I can feel my bubble bursting upon me.
And my phone has been upsetting me these days too.
I don't think it can survive very much longer.
The 'heart' keeps popping out. Sigh.
I think I know how it works.
The nicer ones don't get their just rewards at the end of the day... or, do they?
I just found out another break. An 11-year-old relationship just bust in a matter of two weeks.
How fair is that?
I may not know the couple very well, but still, the sadness overwhelmed me.
I don't think I understand the world very much anymore, and my place in it.
If this is meant to lead me down the road to happiness, then I think it's gonna be helluva long journey.
I can't get my ticket to Taipei.
I can feel my bubble bursting upon me.
And my phone has been upsetting me these days too.
I don't think it can survive very much longer.
The 'heart' keeps popping out. Sigh.
I think I know how it works.
The nicer ones don't get their just rewards at the end of the day... or, do they?
I just found out another break. An 11-year-old relationship just bust in a matter of two weeks.
How fair is that?
I may not know the couple very well, but still, the sadness overwhelmed me.
I don't think I understand the world very much anymore, and my place in it.
If this is meant to lead me down the road to happiness, then I think it's gonna be helluva long journey.
Smart Chinese Say...
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
*****
Some are quite good, right?
As usual, I laughed like mad. Haha.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
*****
Some are quite good, right?
As usual, I laughed like mad. Haha.
Stupidity
The other night, me and my girls were just talking about crappy jokes over - what else? - drinks.
As usual, I'm the only low-standard one that cracks up at every stupid joke.
Ha ha. Quite funny what.
*****
A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease.
"Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?"
"Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?"
"Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?"
"And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?"
"Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but what's the point?"
"Lady, the point is this: if I'm playing with your tits twice a day, but only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you go mad, too?"
*****
I betcha laughed too. Didn't ya?
As usual, I'm the only low-standard one that cracks up at every stupid joke.
Ha ha. Quite funny what.
*****
A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease.
"Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?"
"Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?"
"Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?"
"And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?"
"Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but what's the point?"
"Lady, the point is this: if I'm playing with your tits twice a day, but only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you go mad, too?"
*****
I betcha laughed too. Didn't ya?
Thursday, March 23, 2006
How?
"You are so nice. You're nicer than I thought you were."
No, I am not.
I think I know what my problem is.
My one biggest problem.
I am too fucking nice, without realizing what detrimental effect it has on me. Me, myself.
I am always thinking for others, in others' shoes, from others' point of view. But never from mine, in mine, for myself.
I make decisions for myself because I don't want others to be hurt.
When I stop something, it's not because I don't want to do something wrong.
It's because "I don't want you to do something wrong".
Is this wrong?
Is this all just so wrong?
Is it time I start doing something for myself? Like thinking for myself? Like for my own good?
If so... then how?
How?
No, I am not.
I think I know what my problem is.
My one biggest problem.
I am too fucking nice, without realizing what detrimental effect it has on me. Me, myself.
I am always thinking for others, in others' shoes, from others' point of view. But never from mine, in mine, for myself.
I make decisions for myself because I don't want others to be hurt.
When I stop something, it's not because I don't want to do something wrong.
It's because "I don't want you to do something wrong".
Is this wrong?
Is this all just so wrong?
Is it time I start doing something for myself? Like thinking for myself? Like for my own good?
If so... then how?
How?
Older Again
Happy birthday, sweetie.
You know, I've always only wanted happiness for you.
And I've always only wanted to be the one to make you so.
...
Que sera sera.
You know, I've always only wanted happiness for you.
And I've always only wanted to be the one to make you so.
...
Que sera sera.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Wants
I'm getting torn between the 'wants' and the 'shoulds'.
I want this, but I should do that.
I want to imbibe my liquid of life, but I should just go home and sleep.
I have foregone quality and standards, and would rather go for cheap stuff now, just so I could sustain my life.
Am I veering toward the extreme?
And by the way, it's so embarrassing.
I found out the correct word. DIPSOmaniac.
I blame it on the poor pronunciation of that fella. That fella whom I can't trust.
*****
I have never heeded to spam emails or phone messages. The kind that 'encourages' you to send it on to your other friends so that you would receive good luck, find happiness, get a windfall, or whatever shit.
Since yesterday, I have forwarded two of these phone messages.
"You must be damn desperate to actually believe in this."
Yes, I think I really am.
*****
I want you, but I should just forget about you.
I want this, but I should do that.
I want to imbibe my liquid of life, but I should just go home and sleep.
I have foregone quality and standards, and would rather go for cheap stuff now, just so I could sustain my life.
Am I veering toward the extreme?
And by the way, it's so embarrassing.
I found out the correct word. DIPSOmaniac.
I blame it on the poor pronunciation of that fella. That fella whom I can't trust.
*****
I have never heeded to spam emails or phone messages. The kind that 'encourages' you to send it on to your other friends so that you would receive good luck, find happiness, get a windfall, or whatever shit.
Since yesterday, I have forwarded two of these phone messages.
"You must be damn desperate to actually believe in this."
Yes, I think I really am.
*****
I want you, but I should just forget about you.
Monday, March 20, 2006
Strong-er
"Are they perky? Or are they just there?"
What kind of a fuck question is that?
Made me chuckle, though. 'Cos I'm quite fucked up. Haha.
Go figure.
*****
I think I've made the second wrong right as well.
A little sad, but I think that should be the way to go.
Maybe a little cold turkey as well in the beginning, but again, this too shall pass. I hope.
You could be right. It could be just something that's borne out of 'circumstances'.
I am lonely.
Then again, I can't be sure because chums like you don't happen to me every night.
I might just lose a very close buddy in the process of making things right, but there's nothing more relieving than knowing I've done what I should - for everyone.
"I have no fear of playing with fire now. But I think you should."
Take it from me.
*****
11.
The number of days I've been drinking non-stop.
And I think it's a record for me.
A record I think I'm gonna beat tonight.
What kind of a fuck question is that?
Made me chuckle, though. 'Cos I'm quite fucked up. Haha.
Go figure.
*****
I think I've made the second wrong right as well.
A little sad, but I think that should be the way to go.
Maybe a little cold turkey as well in the beginning, but again, this too shall pass. I hope.
You could be right. It could be just something that's borne out of 'circumstances'.
I am lonely.
Then again, I can't be sure because chums like you don't happen to me every night.
I might just lose a very close buddy in the process of making things right, but there's nothing more relieving than knowing I've done what I should - for everyone.
"I have no fear of playing with fire now. But I think you should."
Take it from me.
*****
11.
The number of days I've been drinking non-stop.
And I think it's a record for me.
A record I think I'm gonna beat tonight.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Regret
I can't believe I actually did it.
I haven't done this much in a weekend for the longest time.
I got my ass out of bed at nine on a Sunday morning and went for some silly alumni basketball game.
All the way back to NTU. Which was probably a bad move.
I kept hoping it wouldn't be, but the nostalgia was just too much for me to take.
The pictures along the walls of the sports hall.
The basketball courts. The carpark right outside the hall.
The fleeting images of the past.
I stood a long while outside my car staring toward his old room, but at nothing really.
I thought I could see a future, but all I have is the past.
Some time, one day, this shall pass too.
*****
The birthday celebration will go on this week.
I have nothing really more to lose now that I seem to have already lost my sanity.
I know of no such word as 'regret' anymore.
*****
I am really quite zonked out now.
Bleh.
I haven't done this much in a weekend for the longest time.
I got my ass out of bed at nine on a Sunday morning and went for some silly alumni basketball game.
All the way back to NTU. Which was probably a bad move.
I kept hoping it wouldn't be, but the nostalgia was just too much for me to take.
The pictures along the walls of the sports hall.
The basketball courts. The carpark right outside the hall.
The fleeting images of the past.
I stood a long while outside my car staring toward his old room, but at nothing really.
I thought I could see a future, but all I have is the past.
Some time, one day, this shall pass too.
*****
The birthday celebration will go on this week.
I have nothing really more to lose now that I seem to have already lost my sanity.
I know of no such word as 'regret' anymore.
*****
I am really quite zonked out now.
Bleh.
Delirious
Ah... no regrets for not taking a break tonight.
'Cos I ended up at KTV. =D
And I finally got to see the Jay MTVs. (Eh, cannot blame me for being so 'suaku' - I don't subscribe to the Mandarin MTV channel on cable at home.)
Watching the MTVs left me with bipolar feelings, though: I loved the eye-candy provided by the 'leading man' (I cannot take the 'troubled-boy' look anymore), yet I couldn't stand the 'leading actresses' in his MTVs - worse, got ang-moh char-bors some more.
A bit cannot make it for the quality of his music. For a while, I felt like I was watching those cheapskate non-original 'MTVs' that accompany all the English karaoke songs.
Left me somewhat pleased, yet a little disappointed.
I think I'm going bonkers.
Is that really the reason why no one's believing my purpose for going TP at the end of the month?
"I'm going TP end of the month."
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah. I'm going there to meet Jay."
"Hahaha... *short pause*... Business trip ah?"
WTF? What did I just say??
And there's no more doubt.
I am inexplicably attracted toward troubled young men - or, at least men who have a troubled look on their faces.
How?
Am I screwed for life?
*****
"Meeting Jay, or at least trying to, is easy. Kissing you, or at least wanting to, is the tough one."
'Cos I ended up at KTV. =D
And I finally got to see the Jay MTVs. (Eh, cannot blame me for being so 'suaku' - I don't subscribe to the Mandarin MTV channel on cable at home.)
Watching the MTVs left me with bipolar feelings, though: I loved the eye-candy provided by the 'leading man' (I cannot take the 'troubled-boy' look anymore), yet I couldn't stand the 'leading actresses' in his MTVs - worse, got ang-moh char-bors some more.
A bit cannot make it for the quality of his music. For a while, I felt like I was watching those cheapskate non-original 'MTVs' that accompany all the English karaoke songs.
Left me somewhat pleased, yet a little disappointed.
I think I'm going bonkers.
Is that really the reason why no one's believing my purpose for going TP at the end of the month?
"I'm going TP end of the month."
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah. I'm going there to meet Jay."
"Hahaha... *short pause*... Business trip ah?"
WTF? What did I just say??
And there's no more doubt.
I am inexplicably attracted toward troubled young men - or, at least men who have a troubled look on their faces.
How?
Am I screwed for life?
*****
"Meeting Jay, or at least trying to, is easy. Kissing you, or at least wanting to, is the tough one."
Saturday, March 18, 2006
One More Round
Oh, bother!
I thought I could take a break tonight.
But then...
nomoregardening says: lim chiu?
ME Inc. says: wah
ME Inc. says: straightaway
nomoregardening says: now! on boh?
ME Inc. says: huh???
ME Inc. says: i got dinner at home leh
ME Inc. says: u sound er... very desperate for a drink
ME Inc. says: haha
nomoregardening says: oh... burst... are u eating soon? kekeke
ME Inc. says: bout 7ish
nomoregardening says: yes... desperate...
...
ME Inc. says: aren't u glad to have lifeless friends just like me =)
nomoregardening says: dun say that... must think +ve...
ME Inc. says: okok....
ME Inc. says: aren't u glad to have friends who would create life for u on a lonely sat night? =)
...
ME Inc. says: i moonlight nowadays
nomoregardening says: pls la... moonlight as wat?
ME Inc. says: drinker
nomoregardening says: chey i thought ktv gal...
ME Inc. says: no off days one leh
nomoregardening says: where got pple moonlight as drinker?
ME Inc. says: i need to brush up on my k-ge skills first lah
ME Inc. says: got
ME Inc. says: get paid one ok
nomoregardening says: sure a not?
ME Inc. says: yah
ME Inc. says: paid with companionship
Kanasai. Damn insulted.
KTV girl... sigh.
I thought I could take a break tonight.
But then...
nomoregardening says: lim chiu?
ME Inc. says: wah
ME Inc. says: straightaway
nomoregardening says: now! on boh?
ME Inc. says: huh???
ME Inc. says: i got dinner at home leh
ME Inc. says: u sound er... very desperate for a drink
ME Inc. says: haha
nomoregardening says: oh... burst... are u eating soon? kekeke
ME Inc. says: bout 7ish
nomoregardening says: yes... desperate...
...
ME Inc. says: aren't u glad to have lifeless friends just like me =)
nomoregardening says: dun say that... must think +ve...
ME Inc. says: okok....
ME Inc. says: aren't u glad to have friends who would create life for u on a lonely sat night? =)
...
ME Inc. says: i moonlight nowadays
nomoregardening says: pls la... moonlight as wat?
ME Inc. says: drinker
nomoregardening says: chey i thought ktv gal...
ME Inc. says: no off days one leh
nomoregardening says: where got pple moonlight as drinker?
ME Inc. says: i need to brush up on my k-ge skills first lah
ME Inc. says: got
ME Inc. says: get paid one ok
nomoregardening says: sure a not?
ME Inc. says: yah
ME Inc. says: paid with companionship
Kanasai. Damn insulted.
KTV girl... sigh.
Rain
I frickin cannot believe this!!!
After all these weeks of hot sun and nothing else, after all the procrastination (read: laziness) and the birdpoop accumulating on my poor baby, I finally decided a car wash today would be safe - I don't seem to feel like there's gonna be any rain anytime soon.
And then... barely an hour after my baby was scrubbed and vacuumed clean, the rain came.
I fuckin cannot believe this.
If I were a guy, I would've no qualm exclaiming: "Fucking du lan, man!"
I so wanna kill something now. Anything.
Nothing just seems to be going right for me. Sigh.
Next time, anyone feels too irritated by the sunny days and wants some rain, just pay me money to wash my car, ok?
After all these weeks of hot sun and nothing else, after all the procrastination (read: laziness) and the birdpoop accumulating on my poor baby, I finally decided a car wash today would be safe - I don't seem to feel like there's gonna be any rain anytime soon.
And then... barely an hour after my baby was scrubbed and vacuumed clean, the rain came.
I fuckin cannot believe this.
If I were a guy, I would've no qualm exclaiming: "Fucking du lan, man!"
I so wanna kill something now. Anything.
Nothing just seems to be going right for me. Sigh.
Next time, anyone feels too irritated by the sunny days and wants some rain, just pay me money to wash my car, ok?
Blooper!
Go to www.google.com.
Type in the word 'Failure' (without the quotes, goon).
Instead of hitting the "Search" button, hit "I'm Feeling Lucky".
See what loads up next.
Laugh.
Then tell all your other friends before the goons fix it.
****
Disclaimer: I am just a messenger.
Type in the word 'Failure' (without the quotes, goon).
Instead of hitting the "Search" button, hit "I'm Feeling Lucky".
See what loads up next.
Laugh.
Then tell all your other friends before the goons fix it.
****
Disclaimer: I am just a messenger.
Girl *POW*er
Damn jialat. I don't know how many times this has happened to me in recent times.
Trying to pay a bill with a cheque, then forgetting to transfer funds over to my current account.
(Don't tell me to GIRO-rize... ok.)
In case you haven't noticed (well, a friend did over MSN), I am up early today. Very early, in fact - by my usual Saturday standards.
Ha. No choice. Got slotted in for a 12:30 facial treatment after being on the waiting list for days.
I will make darn sure I don't sign for anything 'extra' today. I don't need anything 'extra'.
Gotta run.
I don't want to wake up early enough, but then 'tu' until late again.
*****
I made one wrong right.
And I'm trying to rectify the other.
I am feeling so... empowered. =)
Trying to pay a bill with a cheque, then forgetting to transfer funds over to my current account.
(Don't tell me to GIRO-rize... ok.)
In case you haven't noticed (well, a friend did over MSN), I am up early today. Very early, in fact - by my usual Saturday standards.
Ha. No choice. Got slotted in for a 12:30 facial treatment after being on the waiting list for days.
I will make darn sure I don't sign for anything 'extra' today. I don't need anything 'extra'.
Gotta run.
I don't want to wake up early enough, but then 'tu' until late again.
*****
I made one wrong right.
And I'm trying to rectify the other.
I am feeling so... empowered. =)
Friday, March 17, 2006
Plagued
I am hot. And I am bothered. Both physically and mentally.
I declined lunch with my sistas. I need some lone time, because I won't be alone for the rest of the day.
And I so want to be alone.
Somehow, unwittingly, I'm back on the binge.
God, save my liver.
*****
"... sometimes I really miss you a lot."
Another impulsive yet unregretful act.
It's been a long while since I cried myself to sleep. Not especially when I have my mom, and sometimes my little one, sleeping on my same bed every night.
But I did last night. And it just hit me.
It started with a harmless MSN chat with a sista in the afternoon.
Question: after so long, does it still hurt?
Answer: of cos still hurt lah.
Short, succinct, and very honest.
Or, maybe it all started with a dormant but brewing sense of loss within me all this while.
Then it was a chat over drinks with another sista.
Question: do you still think he's the one?
Answer: I can't say for sure, but after all these unfortunate encounters, nothing else fits just as right. I'd like to think we had everything going, except for the timing.
And it launched me into this whole thinking shit on my drive home.
I don't really know what ticked further later in the night.
Perhaps it was his new display picture. A mugshot (a 'kanasai' one, at that) that strangely struck some chord and made me cry.
For that moment, I wanted him so bad, I sent that unwarranted message and then lay my head down to rest as I teared.
I woke up at 5 to realize I hadn't yet taken a shower.
It must've been that dream that woke me up. That dream in which we kissed.
I am plagued by everything.
By unfounded worries. By unsoothed fears. By a sense of longing. By undying love.
And most of all, by all these dreams every night.
God, save my soul.
*****
If there's one thing I notice of myself lately, it's that I play with too much fire these days.
With no fear. With no care for consequences. With no qualm.
Like I tell myself, I have nothing more to lose.
I declined lunch with my sistas. I need some lone time, because I won't be alone for the rest of the day.
And I so want to be alone.
Somehow, unwittingly, I'm back on the binge.
God, save my liver.
*****
"... sometimes I really miss you a lot."
Another impulsive yet unregretful act.
It's been a long while since I cried myself to sleep. Not especially when I have my mom, and sometimes my little one, sleeping on my same bed every night.
But I did last night. And it just hit me.
It started with a harmless MSN chat with a sista in the afternoon.
Question: after so long, does it still hurt?
Answer: of cos still hurt lah.
Short, succinct, and very honest.
Or, maybe it all started with a dormant but brewing sense of loss within me all this while.
Then it was a chat over drinks with another sista.
Question: do you still think he's the one?
Answer: I can't say for sure, but after all these unfortunate encounters, nothing else fits just as right. I'd like to think we had everything going, except for the timing.
And it launched me into this whole thinking shit on my drive home.
I don't really know what ticked further later in the night.
Perhaps it was his new display picture. A mugshot (a 'kanasai' one, at that) that strangely struck some chord and made me cry.
For that moment, I wanted him so bad, I sent that unwarranted message and then lay my head down to rest as I teared.
I woke up at 5 to realize I hadn't yet taken a shower.
It must've been that dream that woke me up. That dream in which we kissed.
I am plagued by everything.
By unfounded worries. By unsoothed fears. By a sense of longing. By undying love.
And most of all, by all these dreams every night.
God, save my soul.
*****
If there's one thing I notice of myself lately, it's that I play with too much fire these days.
With no fear. With no care for consequences. With no qualm.
Like I tell myself, I have nothing more to lose.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
烂桃花
I think my new Dusty Springfield CD is so fucking cool.
An impulsive buy, but not a regretful one.
Hung out with one of my chicks last night. We hadn't done so for a long, long time.
Couple of 'mishaps' that interrupted our chat, but I suppose we had fun. Kind of.
Suddenly, I miss my chicks.
I am so sick of the wrong-kind-of-attention shit, I really just want my chicks back every other night again. Our Ice Cold nights.
I don't really want to meet anyone new now. I'm sick of 'new'.
"You have 烂桃花," mused my chick.
Yeah, maybe. No... confirm.
"You're my only source of comfort now," said I to a friend.
And maybe I really shouldn't have said that.
It does none of us any good.
*****
My new 'talk-cock email' buddy in the office says:
"I have always practised this saying in life…. You never see the true self of a girl until the moment she flares up… haha..."
I beg to differ:
"OR, as my saying would go: until she gets pissed-drunk. HAHAHAHA."
"I like this…. I think I will practice this in my life too….."
=) Wise words ought to be appreciated.
An impulsive buy, but not a regretful one.
Hung out with one of my chicks last night. We hadn't done so for a long, long time.
Couple of 'mishaps' that interrupted our chat, but I suppose we had fun. Kind of.
Suddenly, I miss my chicks.
I am so sick of the wrong-kind-of-attention shit, I really just want my chicks back every other night again. Our Ice Cold nights.
I don't really want to meet anyone new now. I'm sick of 'new'.
"You have 烂桃花," mused my chick.
Yeah, maybe. No... confirm.
"You're my only source of comfort now," said I to a friend.
And maybe I really shouldn't have said that.
It does none of us any good.
*****
My new 'talk-cock email' buddy in the office says:
"I have always practised this saying in life…. You never see the true self of a girl until the moment she flares up… haha..."
I beg to differ:
"OR, as my saying would go: until she gets pissed-drunk. HAHAHAHA."
"I like this…. I think I will practice this in my life too….."
=) Wise words ought to be appreciated.
Fighter
I will be neither a pawn nor a conquest.
I will not be the 'stupid one' ever again.
I'll just be myself. And I'll be the one to make the decision whether to take it - or leave it.
I will not be the 'stupid one' ever again.
I'll just be myself. And I'll be the one to make the decision whether to take it - or leave it.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Life + Death
Let's just see how horrifyingly strange my dreams have been recently.
*****
To dream that others are sick, denotes discordance and trouble in your life. It may also signal a part of yourself that needs to be healed, either physically or mentally. Perhaps you are wallowing in your own self-pity. You need to quit feeling sorry for yourself.
To see someone commit suicide in you dream, highlights your concerns for that person. Also consider what characteristics and qualities in that person you may be trying to "kill" and annihilate in your own self. Perhaps you hope that you are not like that person in some way and are making attempts to get rid of those traits within your own self.
To see someone dying in your dream, signifies that your feelings for that person are dead or that a significant change/loss is occurring in your relationship with that person. Alternatively, you may want to repress that aspect of yourself that is represented by the dying person.
*****
To dream that you are pregnant, symbolizes an aspect of yourself or some aspect of your personal life that is growing and developing. You may not be ready to talk about it or act on it. This may also represent the birth of a new idea, direction, project or goal.
If the dreamer is a woman and you dream you are pregnant then you will see a big increase in your income, but if you are unwed and sad you will experience losses.
*****
First, I dreamt of death. Then I dreamt of life.
I dreamt you were diagnosed with a sickness and dying, but you committed suicide before I could care for you.
Then a week later, I dreamt I was pregnant, though I never did give birth.
I don't understand. Except maybe just the pregnancy bit.
*****
To dream that others are sick, denotes discordance and trouble in your life. It may also signal a part of yourself that needs to be healed, either physically or mentally. Perhaps you are wallowing in your own self-pity. You need to quit feeling sorry for yourself.
To see someone commit suicide in you dream, highlights your concerns for that person. Also consider what characteristics and qualities in that person you may be trying to "kill" and annihilate in your own self. Perhaps you hope that you are not like that person in some way and are making attempts to get rid of those traits within your own self.
To see someone dying in your dream, signifies that your feelings for that person are dead or that a significant change/loss is occurring in your relationship with that person. Alternatively, you may want to repress that aspect of yourself that is represented by the dying person.
*****
To dream that you are pregnant, symbolizes an aspect of yourself or some aspect of your personal life that is growing and developing. You may not be ready to talk about it or act on it. This may also represent the birth of a new idea, direction, project or goal.
If the dreamer is a woman and you dream you are pregnant then you will see a big increase in your income, but if you are unwed and sad you will experience losses.
*****
First, I dreamt of death. Then I dreamt of life.
I dreamt you were diagnosed with a sickness and dying, but you committed suicide before I could care for you.
Then a week later, I dreamt I was pregnant, though I never did give birth.
I don't understand. Except maybe just the pregnancy bit.
Wrong
No.
Contrary to belief, two wrongs don't make one fucking right.
In fact, one wrong doesn't make the other more or less wrong.
They are all just... wrong.
Contrary to belief, two wrongs don't make one fucking right.
In fact, one wrong doesn't make the other more or less wrong.
They are all just... wrong.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
看篮球
我想就这样牵着妳的手不放开
爱能不能够永远单纯没有悲哀
我 想带妳骑单车 我 想和妳看棒球
想这样没担忧 唱着歌 一直走
我想就这样牵着妳的手不放开
爱可不可以简简单单没有伤害
妳 靠着我的肩膀 妳 在我胸口睡着
像这样的生活 我爱妳 妳爱我
Hmm... 能够一起看篮球也不错阿！
*****
A now-regular passenger in my car is now banning Jay while we're driving.
At first, it was, "I'm going to burn you some Tao Ze songs."
Then it became, "Do you have any other CDs in your car?"
Finally, out of frustration: "Wah lan eh! Can you stop this?!"
Hey, I thought you were singing along?!
We ended up listening to Class 95.
It's “看篮球” day for me.
希望有一天你也会再来和我一起看篮球。
爱能不能够永远单纯没有悲哀
我 想带妳骑单车 我 想和妳看棒球
想这样没担忧 唱着歌 一直走
我想就这样牵着妳的手不放开
爱可不可以简简单单没有伤害
妳 靠着我的肩膀 妳 在我胸口睡着
像这样的生活 我爱妳 妳爱我
Hmm... 能够一起看篮球也不错阿！
*****
A now-regular passenger in my car is now banning Jay while we're driving.
At first, it was, "I'm going to burn you some Tao Ze songs."
Then it became, "Do you have any other CDs in your car?"
Finally, out of frustration: "Wah lan eh! Can you stop this?!"
Hey, I thought you were singing along?!
We ended up listening to Class 95.
It's “看篮球” day for me.
希望有一天你也会再来和我一起看篮球。
"Solskjaer ruled out for the season"
"Ole Gunnar Solsjkaer may have played his last game for Manchester United.
The 33-year-old striker looks certain to miss the rest of the season after suffering a fractured cheekbone in a reserve game against Middlesbrough last night.
With his contract up in the summer, this latest injury setback could not have come at a worse time for the Norwegian."
*****
Bugger.
The 33-year-old striker looks certain to miss the rest of the season after suffering a fractured cheekbone in a reserve game against Middlesbrough last night.
With his contract up in the summer, this latest injury setback could not have come at a worse time for the Norwegian."
*****
Bugger.
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Beautiful Mind
Just started on a new book. "How to Have a Beautiful Mind" by Edward de Bono.
The title captivated me.
"Edward de Bono's instruction in thinking has been sought by many of the leading corporations in the world such as IBM, Microsoft, Prudential, BT (UK), NTT (Japan), Nokia (Finland) and Siemens (Germany). The Australian national cricket team also sought his help and became the most successful cricket team in history.
A group of academics in South Africa included Dr de Bono as one of the 250 people who had most influenced humanity in the whole course of history. A leading Austrian business journal chose him as one of the twenty visionaries alive today. The leading consultancy company, Accenture, chose him as one of the fifty most influential business thinkers today."
Hmm. Very impressive.
Let's see if I can pick on some of his brains.
*****
Great physical beauty with a boring mind is boring. You might get attention but you will never keep that attention.
You are born with a certain shape of face and body. There is only a certain amount you can do to make them more beautiful. But there is very much more that you can do to make your mind beautiful.
If you have natural physical beauty it is a tragedy to waste this beauty by having a boring mind. It is like buying an expensive car and then not putting fuel in the tank. (I like this.)
If you do not have great natural beauty, one of the things you can do to make yourself attractive is to develop a beautiful mind.
As you get older, physical beauty tends to fade. But beauty of mind is independent of age and can actually increase with wisdom and experience.
What is beauty? Beauty is something that can be appreciated by others. The beautiful mind described in this book is a mind that can be appreciated by others. It is not the mind of a person who sits in a corner and solves very complex puzzles. It is a mind that can be appreciated by others - usually through conversation.
The beauty of your mind shows in your conversation. The beauty of your mind should show in your conversation.
Just as people can look at your physical beauty, they can listen to the beauty of your mind.
If you want to make your mind more beautiful, you can. It is not a matter of innate intelligence or great knowledge.
It is how you use your mind that matters.
*****
Hmm.
So far, so good.
The title captivated me.
"Edward de Bono's instruction in thinking has been sought by many of the leading corporations in the world such as IBM, Microsoft, Prudential, BT (UK), NTT (Japan), Nokia (Finland) and Siemens (Germany). The Australian national cricket team also sought his help and became the most successful cricket team in history.
A group of academics in South Africa included Dr de Bono as one of the 250 people who had most influenced humanity in the whole course of history. A leading Austrian business journal chose him as one of the twenty visionaries alive today. The leading consultancy company, Accenture, chose him as one of the fifty most influential business thinkers today."
Hmm. Very impressive.
Let's see if I can pick on some of his brains.
*****
Great physical beauty with a boring mind is boring. You might get attention but you will never keep that attention.
You are born with a certain shape of face and body. There is only a certain amount you can do to make them more beautiful. But there is very much more that you can do to make your mind beautiful.
If you have natural physical beauty it is a tragedy to waste this beauty by having a boring mind. It is like buying an expensive car and then not putting fuel in the tank. (I like this.)
If you do not have great natural beauty, one of the things you can do to make yourself attractive is to develop a beautiful mind.
As you get older, physical beauty tends to fade. But beauty of mind is independent of age and can actually increase with wisdom and experience.
What is beauty? Beauty is something that can be appreciated by others. The beautiful mind described in this book is a mind that can be appreciated by others. It is not the mind of a person who sits in a corner and solves very complex puzzles. It is a mind that can be appreciated by others - usually through conversation.
The beauty of your mind shows in your conversation. The beauty of your mind should show in your conversation.
Just as people can look at your physical beauty, they can listen to the beauty of your mind.
If you want to make your mind more beautiful, you can. It is not a matter of innate intelligence or great knowledge.
It is how you use your mind that matters.
*****
Hmm.
So far, so good.
Can't Be Bothered
My mom found my glasses underneath my bed, after I made a mini hoo-ha, trying to insinuate my little brat of a nephew must've been pilfering my belongings again.
I think I must've fallen asleep with my glasses on and then kicked them off my bed.
Ha.
*****
"Do you think I'm an alcoholic then?" I asked.
"No, I think you're a Deep Soul Maniac, like I am."
I learnt a new term last night.
A Deep Soul Maniac is one who is not alcoholic but needs alcohol to survive.
Duh?
An alcoholic drinks incessantly and gets pissed for no reason; a Deep Soul Maniac needs his alcohol in small doses all the time for survival.
Whatever. A self-denial term, I think, but I am somewhat relieved that I am not perceived as an alcoholic... yet.
"If you were to be stranded on an isolated island, and you could bring with you only three CDs, what would you bring?" he asked, trying to find out what kind of music I listen to.
*Long pause*
"My Jay Chou."
"(With a WTF look) And?"
*Another long pause*
"Er... can I bring along three of my Jay Chou CDs?"
"No! No Chinese CDs! Just pretend that damned CD player recognizes only English songs!"
Haha. I have so lost touch with my English songs, it took me a long while before I decided I would bring my Frank Sinatra, my Gwen Stefani and my Guns 'N Roses.
"Why do you like beer?" he asked again.
"Why do you ask? Is it because it's rare to meet a girl who likes beer so much?"
He nodded and laughed.
I can't explain it either. I would've liked to say I like beer because it's manly enough.
Instead, I just offered my usual answer, "I don't know. Maybe I just like the taste. Red wine makes me sleepy."
"Oh, then I know how to shut you up next time."
WTF?
"You're stupidly funny. Or, funnily stupid," said he.
"Huh? Is that a question? Are you trying to say I'm stupid?"
"No, I think you're a very smart girl. But you like to switch off your mind and act funny when you drink."
"Whatever. Very insulting lor."
"No. I think you're fun."
Another attempt at reading me.
I wouldn't like being called stupid, but I like honesty.
Not all men would dare tell that to a girl he barely knows. Still, a very brave attempt at that. And if I were really insulted, I would've poured my beer over him, but my beer is just too precious to me.
Lucky you.
"Are you bothered?" he asked.
"No. Why do you ask anyway? Why would you want to know if I'm bothered?"
"Nothing. Just asking."
"Ok, just a little bit but at least I know now."
Silence.
*****
It's not very usual I meet someone whom I actually like chatting with.
Someone whom I'd like to chat more with, if I had the chance.
(Thanks to my friends who've been trying to introduce their 'eligible and single' friends to me, but much as I hate to say it to you, your 'eligible' friends just aren't eligible enough for me. I'm sorry if I am not that easily entertained.)
And just when you meet that someone interesting, you find out a little bit more about him and you realize you're so screwed up you always get attracted to the wrong men at the wrong time.
The only way to get over an unfortunate incident like this would be to sleep over it.
And I did exactly that today. =)
I think I must've fallen asleep with my glasses on and then kicked them off my bed.
Ha.
*****
"Do you think I'm an alcoholic then?" I asked.
"No, I think you're a Deep Soul Maniac, like I am."
I learnt a new term last night.
A Deep Soul Maniac is one who is not alcoholic but needs alcohol to survive.
Duh?
An alcoholic drinks incessantly and gets pissed for no reason; a Deep Soul Maniac needs his alcohol in small doses all the time for survival.
Whatever. A self-denial term, I think, but I am somewhat relieved that I am not perceived as an alcoholic... yet.
"If you were to be stranded on an isolated island, and you could bring with you only three CDs, what would you bring?" he asked, trying to find out what kind of music I listen to.
*Long pause*
"My Jay Chou."
"(With a WTF look) And?"
*Another long pause*
"Er... can I bring along three of my Jay Chou CDs?"
"No! No Chinese CDs! Just pretend that damned CD player recognizes only English songs!"
Haha. I have so lost touch with my English songs, it took me a long while before I decided I would bring my Frank Sinatra, my Gwen Stefani and my Guns 'N Roses.
"Why do you like beer?" he asked again.
"Why do you ask? Is it because it's rare to meet a girl who likes beer so much?"
He nodded and laughed.
I can't explain it either. I would've liked to say I like beer because it's manly enough.
Instead, I just offered my usual answer, "I don't know. Maybe I just like the taste. Red wine makes me sleepy."
"Oh, then I know how to shut you up next time."
WTF?
"You're stupidly funny. Or, funnily stupid," said he.
"Huh? Is that a question? Are you trying to say I'm stupid?"
"No, I think you're a very smart girl. But you like to switch off your mind and act funny when you drink."
"Whatever. Very insulting lor."
"No. I think you're fun."
Another attempt at reading me.
I wouldn't like being called stupid, but I like honesty.
Not all men would dare tell that to a girl he barely knows. Still, a very brave attempt at that. And if I were really insulted, I would've poured my beer over him, but my beer is just too precious to me.
Lucky you.
"Are you bothered?" he asked.
"No. Why do you ask anyway? Why would you want to know if I'm bothered?"
"Nothing. Just asking."
"Ok, just a little bit but at least I know now."
Silence.
*****
It's not very usual I meet someone whom I actually like chatting with.
Someone whom I'd like to chat more with, if I had the chance.
(Thanks to my friends who've been trying to introduce their 'eligible and single' friends to me, but much as I hate to say it to you, your 'eligible' friends just aren't eligible enough for me. I'm sorry if I am not that easily entertained.)
And just when you meet that someone interesting, you find out a little bit more about him and you realize you're so screwed up you always get attracted to the wrong men at the wrong time.
The only way to get over an unfortunate incident like this would be to sleep over it.
And I did exactly that today. =)
Proof Men Are Better Friends Than Women
Friendship Between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.
Friendship Between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
*****
Whatever.
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.
Friendship Between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
*****
Whatever.
Friday, March 10, 2006
Confirm
I lost my glasses.
How the hell do you lose your glasses when they don't even get out of the house?
*****
"You were so gone last night you did some pretty silly things, you know."
Argh... I don't wanna know.
Some things don't have to be remembered. As long as they are fun, even though stupid.
Finally. Finally a movie date.
An impromptu one at that.
I would've wanted to catch the much talked-about gay show, but the timing was just off.
Suaku me: "Wah! You mean Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal are the gays in the show? Wah lau, I confirm must watch man."
Ended up watching "Underworld Evolution".
Review? Cool but gross. The killings are so grotesque.
I would've loved to run around beating up vampires and werewolves in a skin-tight catsuit (sans bra underneath) too if I had a body like Kate Beckinsale.
I was stoned the whole day, but I was kinda happy too.
And I realize I really do miss watching a movie with someone in the cinemas.
Don't care. Next week, I confirm must watch the gay show man.
*****
Don't really want to, but I need to 'show face' at EastSide tonight.
My liver is burning out.
God save my liver, please.
The Nike Rockstar Workout is out at the gyms.
Next week, I confirm also must try it man.
How the hell do you lose your glasses when they don't even get out of the house?
*****
"You were so gone last night you did some pretty silly things, you know."
Argh... I don't wanna know.
Some things don't have to be remembered. As long as they are fun, even though stupid.
Finally. Finally a movie date.
An impromptu one at that.
I would've wanted to catch the much talked-about gay show, but the timing was just off.
Suaku me: "Wah! You mean Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal are the gays in the show? Wah lau, I confirm must watch man."
Ended up watching "Underworld Evolution".
Review? Cool but gross. The killings are so grotesque.
I would've loved to run around beating up vampires and werewolves in a skin-tight catsuit (sans bra underneath) too if I had a body like Kate Beckinsale.
I was stoned the whole day, but I was kinda happy too.
And I realize I really do miss watching a movie with someone in the cinemas.
Don't care. Next week, I confirm must watch the gay show man.
*****
Don't really want to, but I need to 'show face' at EastSide tonight.
My liver is burning out.
God save my liver, please.
The Nike Rockstar Workout is out at the gyms.
Next week, I confirm also must try it man.
Daydream
ME Inc. says:
so actually, redang needn't be very ex, right?
ME Inc. says:
wats the hotel rates like?
C says:
not really. there are resorts like Berjaya or chalets. I am going to berjaya
C says:
i am paying $406, 3 nites, 3 b/f, 2 dinners, ferry, bus tranfers & 2 snorkelling trips.
ME Inc. says:
wah... quite cheap
ME Inc. says:
bus ticket oso very cheap right?
C says:
about 40 per way
Wah!!! I think I am going to find time for Redang some time soon.
Even if I am on my own.
Have always wanted to go, but never once did.
I wish I were born a rich kid, then I would've pursued my diving interest. Amidst other high-maintenance sports, like maybe golf. Or, even horse-riding. Activities that you can indulge in regardless of age.
Then, I wouldn't have been so upset I am 'losing it' at my beloved game.
Just to whet my own appetite.
I can already see myself lazing on one of those beach chairs, sipping ice-cold beer.
And I hope I don't see those grey clouds when I am there - only blue, blue skies.
so actually, redang needn't be very ex, right?
ME Inc. says:
wats the hotel rates like?
C says:
not really. there are resorts like Berjaya or chalets. I am going to berjaya
C says:
i am paying $406, 3 nites, 3 b/f, 2 dinners, ferry, bus tranfers & 2 snorkelling trips.
ME Inc. says:
wah... quite cheap
ME Inc. says:
bus ticket oso very cheap right?
C says:
about 40 per way
Wah!!! I think I am going to find time for Redang some time soon.
Even if I am on my own.
Have always wanted to go, but never once did.
I wish I were born a rich kid, then I would've pursued my diving interest. Amidst other high-maintenance sports, like maybe golf. Or, even horse-riding. Activities that you can indulge in regardless of age.
Then, I wouldn't have been so upset I am 'losing it' at my beloved game.
Just to whet my own appetite.
I can already see myself lazing on one of those beach chairs, sipping ice-cold beer.
And I hope I don't see those grey clouds when I am there - only blue, blue skies.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Yoyo
And I spoke to my big boss today.
On my own accord. Out of courtesy and out of genuine respect.
I got his blessings.
Another huge sense of relief, and a new surge of confidence.
Still, I have only half made up my mind.
Something has gotta make me stay. Exactly what, I don't know.
Maybe figuring out what I really want to do with my life from now on will.
I've a last-minute dinner date I can't possibly turn down.
And then I've got drinks with my chicks that I can't turn down either.
Good thing I'm taking a day off from work tomorrow. =)
*****
d******c***: yoyo
h*******: hey babes
h*******: yoyo papayo
d******c***: yoyo toa pa yoh lah
*chuckles*
See ya tonight, babes.
And you.
And maybe you too.
On my own accord. Out of courtesy and out of genuine respect.
I got his blessings.
Another huge sense of relief, and a new surge of confidence.
Still, I have only half made up my mind.
Something has gotta make me stay. Exactly what, I don't know.
Maybe figuring out what I really want to do with my life from now on will.
I've a last-minute dinner date I can't possibly turn down.
And then I've got drinks with my chicks that I can't turn down either.
Good thing I'm taking a day off from work tomorrow. =)
*****
d******c***: yoyo
h*******: hey babes
h*******: yoyo papayo
d******c***: yoyo toa pa yoh lah
*chuckles*
See ya tonight, babes.
And you.
And maybe you too.
"You're losing it"
To have someone actually agree and think you're 'losing it' is such a big relief.
For once, I am actually happy someone finally tells it to my face that I am going crazy.
So you see, I am not acting nuts. I am going nuts.
My Shanghai babe came back for a home visit, and we caught up over drinks last night.
A last-minute plan, but a well-made one.
We were catching up on so much. Rather, it was more of me grouching to her about my unhappiness in life, at work, and at home. My confusion in life. My deadlock at work. My lack of privacy at home.
I wanted to move.
She thought I didn't really need to.
I received a message during lunch today - a message that caught me by pleasant surprise.
Shanghai babe: I suddenly think you shld leave for the sake of your sanity
Me: Eh?! Where did that come from?
Shanghai babe: i may be mistaken, but i think you're losing it
Me: Why? What clicked?
Shanghai babe: Hmmm jus a general feeling
Me: Great. I like your honesty.
And big thanks for still thinking about me after last night.
Most of all, thanks for seeing things from my perspective.
*****
I have no more privacy at home.
I used to stay out late because I dreaded facing my room alone at night, staring at things that reminded me of everything.
Now, I stay out late because I have no private life, even in my own room.
I dread the questioning. I hate the grouching. I dislike that my room has become open-to-all.
I couldn't even take a Saturday nap in peace. I can't even change in my own room.
I don't understand why this is happening to me.
I don't. At all.
For once, I am actually happy someone finally tells it to my face that I am going crazy.
So you see, I am not acting nuts. I am going nuts.
My Shanghai babe came back for a home visit, and we caught up over drinks last night.
A last-minute plan, but a well-made one.
We were catching up on so much. Rather, it was more of me grouching to her about my unhappiness in life, at work, and at home. My confusion in life. My deadlock at work. My lack of privacy at home.
I wanted to move.
She thought I didn't really need to.
I received a message during lunch today - a message that caught me by pleasant surprise.
Shanghai babe: I suddenly think you shld leave for the sake of your sanity
Me: Eh?! Where did that come from?
Shanghai babe: i may be mistaken, but i think you're losing it
Me: Why? What clicked?
Shanghai babe: Hmmm jus a general feeling
Me: Great. I like your honesty.
And big thanks for still thinking about me after last night.
Most of all, thanks for seeing things from my perspective.
*****
I have no more privacy at home.
I used to stay out late because I dreaded facing my room alone at night, staring at things that reminded me of everything.
Now, I stay out late because I have no private life, even in my own room.
I dread the questioning. I hate the grouching. I dislike that my room has become open-to-all.
I couldn't even take a Saturday nap in peace. I can't even change in my own room.
I don't understand why this is happening to me.
I don't. At all.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Legs
Amidst my fucked-up state, I still find energy to giggle at silly conversations.
Thank God for MSN.
*****
ME Inc. says: hey how u doing
Joe@Taipei says: ok
Joe@Taipei says: nice legs
ME Inc. says: thanks
ME Inc. says: no one pays me compliments like u do
Joe@Taipei says: yours?
ME Inc. says: insulting lor
... ...
Joe@Taipei says: your legs damn nice leh
ME Inc. says: can u stop staring at me legs?!?!? and concentrate on our conversation?!?!?!
... ...
ME Inc. says: when you want to employ one person under you, lemme know.
ME Inc. says: i dun have tech knowledge... but i can learn PLUS i have those legs
ME Inc. says: hi honey
ME Inc. says: dun say i never hunny u ah...
j a s e says: yes babes
ME Inc. says: how u doing?
j a s e says: ok la
j a s e says: ur legs damn nice
ME Inc. says: i should change my pic
j a s e says: mmmmmmmmmmmm
ME Inc. says: everyone has been staring at my legs
j a s e says: i like
ME Inc. says: everythin about me, u also like lah
j a s e says: true
j a s e says: esp legs
I gotta get rid of those legs. On my display picture, that is.
*****
By the way, I've discovered Mercury - Messenger of the Gods, and gotten rid of the stupid Messenger for Mac.
It's so much more fun. Go try. =)
Thank God for MSN.
*****
ME Inc. says: hey how u doing
Joe@Taipei says: ok
Joe@Taipei says: nice legs
ME Inc. says: thanks
ME Inc. says: no one pays me compliments like u do
Joe@Taipei says: yours?
ME Inc. says: insulting lor
... ...
Joe@Taipei says: your legs damn nice leh
ME Inc. says: can u stop staring at me legs?!?!? and concentrate on our conversation?!?!?!
... ...
ME Inc. says: when you want to employ one person under you, lemme know.
ME Inc. says: i dun have tech knowledge... but i can learn PLUS i have those legs
ME Inc. says: hi honey
ME Inc. says: dun say i never hunny u ah...
j a s e says: yes babes
ME Inc. says: how u doing?
j a s e says: ok la
j a s e says: ur legs damn nice
ME Inc. says: i should change my pic
j a s e says: mmmmmmmmmmmm
ME Inc. says: everyone has been staring at my legs
j a s e says: i like
ME Inc. says: everythin about me, u also like lah
j a s e says: true
j a s e says: esp legs
I gotta get rid of those legs. On my display picture, that is.
*****
By the way, I've discovered Mercury - Messenger of the Gods, and gotten rid of the stupid Messenger for Mac.
It's so much more fun. Go try. =)
Question
Nope. No Mambo tonight.
Just not in the mood for it.
I just feel like... like ending it all today.
How lost can one actually feel?
*****
Someone sent me an email, trying very nicely to explain the kind of drinker I was born to be - thanks to my folks.
"I'm jusht a social drinker," slurs Libra, "it's jusht that I'm so damn social?"
Libra loves nothing more than to party, mingle and relate to everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra (with Insta-Friend device set to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libra side (they are little instigators when bored), the Scales can really work a room. Charming as they are, Libras are notoriously lacking in self-control, however, which can get them into all sorts of trouble - including wearing their wobbly boots waaaay too early in the evening, flirting with their best friend's beau or even blacking out the night’s events entirely.
Oops!
Oh, yeah. Oops.
*****
Have you ever felt so messed up inside, you can't actually keep track of your own thoughts?
Have you ever felt so hot and bothered all over inside, but you can't just figure out which exactly is the biggest culprit?
Have you ever felt so laden by issues, you can't even peel one from another and you just feel they are all lumping and fusing together into one big fucking ball of mess?
Have you ever felt so fucked up, you can't even think straight and work things right?
That's just how I am feeling, every single day, right now.
All fucked up. Through and through.
If I could, I'd like to ask you a question.
Yes, you.
Now that you're actually living your dream, which has made me once proud and now envious, how does it feel?
Are you truly, truly happy?
I would really like to know. Just so I know if chasing one's dream is truly worth it all.
Just not in the mood for it.
I just feel like... like ending it all today.
How lost can one actually feel?
*****
Someone sent me an email, trying very nicely to explain the kind of drinker I was born to be - thanks to my folks.
"I'm jusht a social drinker," slurs Libra, "it's jusht that I'm so damn social?"
Libra loves nothing more than to party, mingle and relate to everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra (with Insta-Friend device set to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libra side (they are little instigators when bored), the Scales can really work a room. Charming as they are, Libras are notoriously lacking in self-control, however, which can get them into all sorts of trouble - including wearing their wobbly boots waaaay too early in the evening, flirting with their best friend's beau or even blacking out the night’s events entirely.
Oops!
Oh, yeah. Oops.
*****
Have you ever felt so messed up inside, you can't actually keep track of your own thoughts?
Have you ever felt so hot and bothered all over inside, but you can't just figure out which exactly is the biggest culprit?
Have you ever felt so laden by issues, you can't even peel one from another and you just feel they are all lumping and fusing together into one big fucking ball of mess?
Have you ever felt so fucked up, you can't even think straight and work things right?
That's just how I am feeling, every single day, right now.
All fucked up. Through and through.
If I could, I'd like to ask you a question.
Yes, you.
Now that you're actually living your dream, which has made me once proud and now envious, how does it feel?
Are you truly, truly happy?
I would really like to know. Just so I know if chasing one's dream is truly worth it all.
Senseless
Yahoo!'d tonight.
h*******: chabor
d******c***: yes dear HI
d******c***: tomorrow go zouk lah
h*******: mambo?
h*******: gian leh
h*******: but was planning to ask u go next week instead
d******c***: uhuh
d******c***: i've been gg every week
h*******: mambo
h*******: yay
h*******: i like
h*******: i have no more mambo frens
h*******: haha
d******c***: its ok, you have me can liao
d******c***: you will have me until I have babies
h*******: then wat happens after the babies?
h*******: u dun need babysitter meh?
d******c***: will still party but less freely thats why now, steady steady tear all house down
h*******: ok ons... this week next week ah
h*******: i cannot believe this... two lao gohs so gian go mambo
d******c***: why got lao?
d******c***: you got picked up by some 20 year old hot bloodies Italiano!
h*******: lao is lao lah... admit it, dear.
h*******: gtg liao
h*******: see u tmr
d******c***: okie
Yay. I am really happy.
Not quite in the mood to party mid-week, but somehow, I am feeling a compelling need to relive some good ol' nostalgia.
Mambo's not exactly it, the nostalgia I'm talking about. Then again, it's the closest I'll ever get right now.
*****
Come to think about it, my LOHAMs are indeed getting a little out-of-whack these days.
Like they're acting so totally unlike themselves, especially the most unlikely ones.
It's like they're suddenly realizing there's no better time to have fun than now, still in our twenties. It's like they're trying to make the most out of their final year as twentysomethings.
And it's making me a little concerned - and amused, all at the same time.
The one nicknamed 'Dino' - the 'good-est' one in the gang, never to party, seldom touching drink, married for years by now, the most mentally-uncontaminated one - shocked the 'ell outta me when she invited us to join her at MOS this Thursday.
Mind you, she wasn't asking if we had wanted to go. She said matter-of-factly she was going, and asked if we had wanted to join her.
!!!
The other one, probably the next 'good-est' one after Dino, not exactly a party girl, a little less mentally-uncontaminated but still quite so, has been starting to drink a little socially these days - which is, hey, absolutely fine by me. =)
But the day she asked me over MSN about the boy she saw me talking to on the courts the other night, I got a little amused. The boy - "your friend, the young boy... quite cute one...". =)
There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, girl. By all means. =))
If anything, she made me feel less guilty about some stuff. That I am not the only one.
That I'm not that weird after all.
*****
I think it's pretty clear to me now a wall has been built around my heart. A wall smeared with cynicism, depression and, like someone says, "angst".
Whether it's a good thing or a bad one, I suppose, would really depend on how far the wall reaches out to.
How far I would allow it to reach out to.
And how strong the wall really is.
At this moment, I can't really tell.
*****
"... I hope you're the sensible one..."
Because I really am not.
h*******: chabor
d******c***: yes dear HI
d******c***: tomorrow go zouk lah
h*******: mambo?
h*******: gian leh
h*******: but was planning to ask u go next week instead
d******c***: uhuh
d******c***: i've been gg every week
h*******: mambo
h*******: yay
h*******: i like
h*******: i have no more mambo frens
h*******: haha
d******c***: its ok, you have me can liao
d******c***: you will have me until I have babies
h*******: then wat happens after the babies?
h*******: u dun need babysitter meh?
d******c***: will still party but less freely thats why now, steady steady tear all house down
h*******: ok ons... this week next week ah
h*******: i cannot believe this... two lao gohs so gian go mambo
d******c***: why got lao?
d******c***: you got picked up by some 20 year old hot bloodies Italiano!
h*******: lao is lao lah... admit it, dear.
h*******: gtg liao
h*******: see u tmr
d******c***: okie
Yay. I am really happy.
Not quite in the mood to party mid-week, but somehow, I am feeling a compelling need to relive some good ol' nostalgia.
Mambo's not exactly it, the nostalgia I'm talking about. Then again, it's the closest I'll ever get right now.
*****
Come to think about it, my LOHAMs are indeed getting a little out-of-whack these days.
Like they're acting so totally unlike themselves, especially the most unlikely ones.
It's like they're suddenly realizing there's no better time to have fun than now, still in our twenties. It's like they're trying to make the most out of their final year as twentysomethings.
And it's making me a little concerned - and amused, all at the same time.
The one nicknamed 'Dino' - the 'good-est' one in the gang, never to party, seldom touching drink, married for years by now, the most mentally-uncontaminated one - shocked the 'ell outta me when she invited us to join her at MOS this Thursday.
Mind you, she wasn't asking if we had wanted to go. She said matter-of-factly she was going, and asked if we had wanted to join her.
!!!
The other one, probably the next 'good-est' one after Dino, not exactly a party girl, a little less mentally-uncontaminated but still quite so, has been starting to drink a little socially these days - which is, hey, absolutely fine by me. =)
But the day she asked me over MSN about the boy she saw me talking to on the courts the other night, I got a little amused. The boy - "your friend, the young boy... quite cute one...". =)
There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, girl. By all means. =))
If anything, she made me feel less guilty about some stuff. That I am not the only one.
That I'm not that weird after all.
*****
I think it's pretty clear to me now a wall has been built around my heart. A wall smeared with cynicism, depression and, like someone says, "angst".
Whether it's a good thing or a bad one, I suppose, would really depend on how far the wall reaches out to.
How far I would allow it to reach out to.
And how strong the wall really is.
At this moment, I can't really tell.
*****
"... I hope you're the sensible one..."
Because I really am not.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
老姐
Today, more than half my LOHAM gang are into their final year of 'still being in their twenties'.
Happy Birthday, Karks.
I still have about 18 months to go. No, just slightly less than 18 months.
I am getting a little bothered.
What do I have to say about my twenties? Nothing much so far.
I hope these next 18 months bring me much better stuff to look back on when I finally hit the big three-O.
My gang and I, we are already making big plans for next year to celebrate the beginning of our third decade of existence.
I don't know what they all have in mind, but they didn't seem quite enthusiastic as I was when I suggested going out to sea on a rented yacht with a male stripper on board.
Quite fun what. Don't like, can throw him off the boat. That will be the fun part. Haha.
Or, how about we rent some big pub and invite all our own friends, and then we declare our proud initiation into the thirties to everyone?
No?
Don't tell me lunch at East Coast Mac, or a trip to Bali, hor.
It's going to be weird being 30.
I won't want to be dating an older man in his thirties, because, like a friend puts it, a man 'still single in his thirties must have got some problem' - like he's too career-minded or what. And he's probably looking for a woman now because he 'feels it's just time to settle down'.
Eeew. Don't want.
Then again, I won't want also to be a thirty-year-old woman dating a twenty-something kid either.
When all else fails, go for the old, rich and dying kind. Preferably a vet. =)
Happy Birthday, Karks.
I still have about 18 months to go. No, just slightly less than 18 months.
I am getting a little bothered.
What do I have to say about my twenties? Nothing much so far.
I hope these next 18 months bring me much better stuff to look back on when I finally hit the big three-O.
My gang and I, we are already making big plans for next year to celebrate the beginning of our third decade of existence.
I don't know what they all have in mind, but they didn't seem quite enthusiastic as I was when I suggested going out to sea on a rented yacht with a male stripper on board.
Quite fun what. Don't like, can throw him off the boat. That will be the fun part. Haha.
Or, how about we rent some big pub and invite all our own friends, and then we declare our proud initiation into the thirties to everyone?
No?
Don't tell me lunch at East Coast Mac, or a trip to Bali, hor.
It's going to be weird being 30.
I won't want to be dating an older man in his thirties, because, like a friend puts it, a man 'still single in his thirties must have got some problem' - like he's too career-minded or what. And he's probably looking for a woman now because he 'feels it's just time to settle down'.
Eeew. Don't want.
Then again, I won't want also to be a thirty-year-old woman dating a twenty-something kid either.
When all else fails, go for the old, rich and dying kind. Preferably a vet. =)
大姐小妹
"小妹, 你要你的kopi-o啊 ?"
"Ah, 对."
"小妹, 你昨天有来吗 ?"
"没有."
"你还在读书啊?"
"没有啦, uncle!"
The two uncles working behind the counter at the kopitiam where I frequent these days, made me very happy this morning.
Ok, so my careful skincare regime is showing some positive effects after all. =)
*****
Conversely, I was at Newton last night when I walked past an uncle trying to tout his barbequed fish.
"大姐, 要不要吃 hang he?"
Without much thought to restrain my 'kuai lan' self, I retorted.
"不要啦, 你叫我大姐, 我不要吃!"
!#&^$(@*^(!!
"Ah, 对."
"小妹, 你昨天有来吗 ?"
"没有."
"你还在读书啊?"
"没有啦, uncle!"
The two uncles working behind the counter at the kopitiam where I frequent these days, made me very happy this morning.
Ok, so my careful skincare regime is showing some positive effects after all. =)
*****
Conversely, I was at Newton last night when I walked past an uncle trying to tout his barbequed fish.
"大姐, 要不要吃 hang he?"
Without much thought to restrain my 'kuai lan' self, I retorted.
"不要啦, 你叫我大姐, 我不要吃!"
!#&^$(@*^(!!
Love Unspoken
I have no freakin' clue why and how, but all of a sudden, out of the blue, there's this one particular scene from the movie, 'Love Actually' that's been stuck on my mind the whole night.
The one scene where Mark stands in the snow on Christmas Eve at the door step of Juliet's, and starts professing his love for her on poster boards while playing Christmas carols on the stereo - while Juliet's new husband, Mark's best friend, sits waiting for her in the living room.
Rather than reeking of adultery, it turns out all so sweet.
Mark rings the door-bell, and Juliet opens the door and is surprised to see him.
Peter: Who is it?
[Mark's sign reads "say it's carol singers"]
Juliet: It's carol singers.
Peter: Well, give them a quid and tell them to bugger off.
... ...
Mark: [on sheets of poster board] With any luck, by next year... I'll be going out with one of these girls.
[shows pictures of beautiful supermodels]
Mark: But for now, let me say... Without hope or agenda... Just because it's Christmas... And at Christmas you tell the truth... To me, you are perfect... And my wasted heart will love you... Until you look like this
[picture of a mummy]
Mark: Merry Christmas
I am always for the underdogs.
*****
Some things are perhaps better left unspoken, but some things, you should never have regrets speaking of.
It's all just a matter of judgement and perception.
At the end of the day, you just don't let yourself down.
The one scene where Mark stands in the snow on Christmas Eve at the door step of Juliet's, and starts professing his love for her on poster boards while playing Christmas carols on the stereo - while Juliet's new husband, Mark's best friend, sits waiting for her in the living room.
Rather than reeking of adultery, it turns out all so sweet.
Mark rings the door-bell, and Juliet opens the door and is surprised to see him.
Peter: Who is it?
[Mark's sign reads "say it's carol singers"]
Juliet: It's carol singers.
Peter: Well, give them a quid and tell them to bugger off.
... ...
Mark: [on sheets of poster board] With any luck, by next year... I'll be going out with one of these girls.
[shows pictures of beautiful supermodels]
Mark: But for now, let me say... Without hope or agenda... Just because it's Christmas... And at Christmas you tell the truth... To me, you are perfect... And my wasted heart will love you... Until you look like this
[picture of a mummy]
Mark: Merry Christmas
I am always for the underdogs.
*****
Some things are perhaps better left unspoken, but some things, you should never have regrets speaking of.
It's all just a matter of judgement and perception.
At the end of the day, you just don't let yourself down.
Monday, March 06, 2006
The Beginning
Oh, and one other reason why I should be cheerful.
I am going to Taipei!
(Er... I haven't really booked my ticket, but I'm pretty certain I'm heading there.)
=)
*****
Everything will be alright in the end.
If it is not, it is not the end yet.
I am going to Taipei!
(Er... I haven't really booked my ticket, but I'm pretty certain I'm heading there.)
=)
*****
Everything will be alright in the end.
If it is not, it is not the end yet.
Of Life and Dreams
"An zua le eh kun eh leh teh ah?"
For the Hokkien-illiterate, that is: "Why your skirt so short ah?" - literally.
And no, it wasn't coming from my mom. It came from office mates who find me wearing non-tomboy clothes these days very amazing, and who start teasing me non-stop.
They make me feel awkward, like some auntie fussing over an all-grown up ugly duckling: "Wah, grow up already, so pretty ah!"
The funny thing is, it isn't even the first time I'm wearing this skirt to work. And it happens every time I wear my three-inch heels to work.
The teasing goes on and on and on... Give me some peace, please. Like that how to grow up?
*****
I had an email-conversation with an office mate today. Just some frivolous chat that chased away some Monday blues.
And I realized almost everybody I know dreams of being their own boss.
It's just a matter of who eventually has the will to do so in the end.
I hope I do.
I've kinda figured out some source of my recent bout of depression.
Which didn't really seem to be of much help - there's still the problem to solve. But at least, it helped me put things in clearer perspective. It helped me see what the bigger issue for me was, and it helped me deal with some things with much more ease.
And I hope, it is helping me let go. Eventually. Some day.
Friends who know me well, know I am not a 'Snakes & Ladders' person.
Friends who don't, think I am too ambitious, gunning for a position in the world headquarters.
Like my boss put it very clearly, complete with a snigger: "C'mon lah, what do you really think your chances are?"
For someone who listens too much to her heart and who (still) dreams of saving all the animals in this world from pain and suffering, I hate my corporate life.
And I have always hated it - since the day I knew I was inevitably going to take a step into it. Since that day, I have always wondered when and how my grand exit would be.
But my disdain for the corporate world has not always been apparent. Not until now.
While I was silently lamenting my purposeless corporate life, I was also happily in love.
Never mind that I wasn't anywhere near my dreams. It was enough that at least one of us was. And I was satisfied simply having someone to go home to at the end of an unsatisfying workday.
My everyday work life ended up in my blind spot.
Loving someone and growing old with that someone was all I could see right in front of my eyes.
As long as I had a soulmate, everything else just became secondary.
There was no more 'me'. There was only 'we'.
Since the day I lost my love, I have come to realize I have lost my life too.
The fact that I am still stuck in a corporate world has been getting to me of late. And the very fact that I'm chasing after nothing near my dreams in my life.
There's nothing for me to look forward to when I wake up every morning, ready to spend the next 12 hours of the day. And worse of all, there's nothing for me to look forward to when I go home at night.
No love. No life. Only Hoe. And my two girls who look at me with lovelorn eyes, only to remind me I'm doing nothing for their dogkind.
I have never in my entire life questioned myself about my weekends.
Weekends have always been mindless (since I left school, anyway). Sleep, relax, play, movies, dinner, basketball, talk cock, snuggling up to the loved one.
These days, I waste my weekends away and I keep wondering why I do so.
Portland. I don't love Portland that much.
But Portland offers me an opportunity to a new life. Or at least I try to convince myself so.
The life here seems fixed for me, until I find a way out.
I am hoping Portland helps me there.
No Portland?
I'll try my darnest to find an old, rich and dying vet who's willing to sponsor my vet degree and eventually bequeath his vet business to me.
Or, maybe a sugar daddy who will do the same.
Or, more realistically, I'll quit and become a part-time vet assistant, a part-time tutor, a part-time early childhood educator. Part-time anything but a full-time corporate rat.
Or... I should just find another job that pays me better, slog my ass for a few more years, and hope I save enough money to sponsor myself some animal-related courses.
Whatever. Whatever that brings me out of the rut I'm stuck in right now.
I may be getting too old to be the hip 40-year-old mom who leaves her kids to fend for themselves and goes off to enjoy the rest of the world on her own.
But I'm not too old right now to go off and enjoy the world on my own, am I?
Figuring this out has not solved any problem. In fact, it has shown me what my real problem is to solve.
And seeing things this way makes me realize what should matter, and what should not, to my life.
I have, very regretfully, wasted a very large part of my life, giving up so much of myself but getting nothing in return in my life.
I don't want to make the same wrong twice in my life. I have had enough.
It's time for myself now.
Ok, and you too, my baby girls. Let's go save the world together, ok?
*****
Once in a while, I might end up whining about a love lost and a certain someone, but I'm sure that'll come to pass some day.
Hey, no joke ok.
It might take you a couple of years to realize you truly love someone, a few more years to continue loving that someone, but it'll probably take a lifetime to forget such a love.
My friends, if you are behind me in my quest for a bigger cause in life, give me a big hug the next time you see me, will ya?
My girls do that every single night. =)
For the Hokkien-illiterate, that is: "Why your skirt so short ah?" - literally.
And no, it wasn't coming from my mom. It came from office mates who find me wearing non-tomboy clothes these days very amazing, and who start teasing me non-stop.
They make me feel awkward, like some auntie fussing over an all-grown up ugly duckling: "Wah, grow up already, so pretty ah!"
The funny thing is, it isn't even the first time I'm wearing this skirt to work. And it happens every time I wear my three-inch heels to work.
The teasing goes on and on and on... Give me some peace, please. Like that how to grow up?
*****
I had an email-conversation with an office mate today. Just some frivolous chat that chased away some Monday blues.
And I realized almost everybody I know dreams of being their own boss.
It's just a matter of who eventually has the will to do so in the end.
I hope I do.
I've kinda figured out some source of my recent bout of depression.
Which didn't really seem to be of much help - there's still the problem to solve. But at least, it helped me put things in clearer perspective. It helped me see what the bigger issue for me was, and it helped me deal with some things with much more ease.
And I hope, it is helping me let go. Eventually. Some day.
Friends who know me well, know I am not a 'Snakes & Ladders' person.
Friends who don't, think I am too ambitious, gunning for a position in the world headquarters.
Like my boss put it very clearly, complete with a snigger: "C'mon lah, what do you really think your chances are?"
For someone who listens too much to her heart and who (still) dreams of saving all the animals in this world from pain and suffering, I hate my corporate life.
And I have always hated it - since the day I knew I was inevitably going to take a step into it. Since that day, I have always wondered when and how my grand exit would be.
But my disdain for the corporate world has not always been apparent. Not until now.
While I was silently lamenting my purposeless corporate life, I was also happily in love.
Never mind that I wasn't anywhere near my dreams. It was enough that at least one of us was. And I was satisfied simply having someone to go home to at the end of an unsatisfying workday.
My everyday work life ended up in my blind spot.
Loving someone and growing old with that someone was all I could see right in front of my eyes.
As long as I had a soulmate, everything else just became secondary.
There was no more 'me'. There was only 'we'.
Since the day I lost my love, I have come to realize I have lost my life too.
The fact that I am still stuck in a corporate world has been getting to me of late. And the very fact that I'm chasing after nothing near my dreams in my life.
There's nothing for me to look forward to when I wake up every morning, ready to spend the next 12 hours of the day. And worse of all, there's nothing for me to look forward to when I go home at night.
No love. No life. Only Hoe. And my two girls who look at me with lovelorn eyes, only to remind me I'm doing nothing for their dogkind.
I have never in my entire life questioned myself about my weekends.
Weekends have always been mindless (since I left school, anyway). Sleep, relax, play, movies, dinner, basketball, talk cock, snuggling up to the loved one.
These days, I waste my weekends away and I keep wondering why I do so.
Portland. I don't love Portland that much.
But Portland offers me an opportunity to a new life. Or at least I try to convince myself so.
The life here seems fixed for me, until I find a way out.
I am hoping Portland helps me there.
No Portland?
I'll try my darnest to find an old, rich and dying vet who's willing to sponsor my vet degree and eventually bequeath his vet business to me.
Or, maybe a sugar daddy who will do the same.
Or, more realistically, I'll quit and become a part-time vet assistant, a part-time tutor, a part-time early childhood educator. Part-time anything but a full-time corporate rat.
Or... I should just find another job that pays me better, slog my ass for a few more years, and hope I save enough money to sponsor myself some animal-related courses.
Whatever. Whatever that brings me out of the rut I'm stuck in right now.
I may be getting too old to be the hip 40-year-old mom who leaves her kids to fend for themselves and goes off to enjoy the rest of the world on her own.
But I'm not too old right now to go off and enjoy the world on my own, am I?
Figuring this out has not solved any problem. In fact, it has shown me what my real problem is to solve.
And seeing things this way makes me realize what should matter, and what should not, to my life.
I have, very regretfully, wasted a very large part of my life, giving up so much of myself but getting nothing in return in my life.
I don't want to make the same wrong twice in my life. I have had enough.
It's time for myself now.
Ok, and you too, my baby girls. Let's go save the world together, ok?
*****
Once in a while, I might end up whining about a love lost and a certain someone, but I'm sure that'll come to pass some day.
Hey, no joke ok.
It might take you a couple of years to realize you truly love someone, a few more years to continue loving that someone, but it'll probably take a lifetime to forget such a love.
My friends, if you are behind me in my quest for a bigger cause in life, give me a big hug the next time you see me, will ya?
My girls do that every single night. =)
Atas
"Stupid bitch."
The first cuss words that graced my wonderful week ahead, as some stupid 'tao pok' driver cut mindlessly into my lane at 70 kmph along a busy Bukit Timah road in the early morning, where everyone was rushing to send their 'atas' kids to their 'atas' schools in their 'atas' cars.
I had to brake hard, which got me really irritated.
I blared my horns three times, seven-thirty in the morning.
And then, I did the ultimate 'ah beng/taxi uncle' thing: I sped up, turned and stared at the 'tao pok' driver as I drove past. Good thing I never like sign language on the road.
At times, I am as pissed with women-drivers as the men are. Not that I'm that good a driver. Neither am I a man.
I am just impatient with mindless drivers on the road.
And 'tao poks' should always keep in mind whilst on the road that they are still 'tao poks'. Watch your lanes, watch your speed, and watch your manners.
Urgh.
Do I sound 'atas'?
*****
I was already wondering how the rest of the day/week would turn out.
Then I opened my mailbox to be greeted by an interesting email.
An invitation to work in Shanghai.
A poach, to be more honest.
Hmm... I don't quite like Shanghai. I'd rather suffer Hong Kong.
Still, my opportunities are opening up. Outside.
It's another omen.
The first cuss words that graced my wonderful week ahead, as some stupid 'tao pok' driver cut mindlessly into my lane at 70 kmph along a busy Bukit Timah road in the early morning, where everyone was rushing to send their 'atas' kids to their 'atas' schools in their 'atas' cars.
I had to brake hard, which got me really irritated.
I blared my horns three times, seven-thirty in the morning.
And then, I did the ultimate 'ah beng/taxi uncle' thing: I sped up, turned and stared at the 'tao pok' driver as I drove past. Good thing I never like sign language on the road.
At times, I am as pissed with women-drivers as the men are. Not that I'm that good a driver. Neither am I a man.
I am just impatient with mindless drivers on the road.
And 'tao poks' should always keep in mind whilst on the road that they are still 'tao poks'. Watch your lanes, watch your speed, and watch your manners.
Urgh.
Do I sound 'atas'?
*****
I was already wondering how the rest of the day/week would turn out.
Then I opened my mailbox to be greeted by an interesting email.
An invitation to work in Shanghai.
A poach, to be more honest.
Hmm... I don't quite like Shanghai. I'd rather suffer Hong Kong.
Still, my opportunities are opening up. Outside.
It's another omen.
Psyched
Sunday night.
The usual time of the week when I psyche myself up for the week ahead, telling myself, "I still love my job. I will find my lost energy and meaning at work this week."
Let's see how far I go this week.
For the past couple ones, I have been hitting the bottles by mid-week. Or at least, I think of doing so.
*****
"So, do you have any questions for us?"
"Yes, I'd like to know when I might know the results."
"Let's see. I'll be busy travelling, but we know we need to close this position soon too. Maybe by the week of March 5, you should hear from us."
That's this week.
Pray for me, dudes. And dudettes.
The usual time of the week when I psyche myself up for the week ahead, telling myself, "I still love my job. I will find my lost energy and meaning at work this week."
Let's see how far I go this week.
For the past couple ones, I have been hitting the bottles by mid-week. Or at least, I think of doing so.
*****
"So, do you have any questions for us?"
"Yes, I'd like to know when I might know the results."
"Let's see. I'll be busy travelling, but we know we need to close this position soon too. Maybe by the week of March 5, you should hear from us."
That's this week.
Pray for me, dudes. And dudettes.
Lao Goh?
"Wah lau. You're like the best ex-girlfriend I've ever seen lor. Tell you what... why not we be together for one night, then after that I become your ex-boyfriend also..."
Duh.
What a flattering proposition.
*****
I keep finding myself on the receiving end of the wrong kind of attention these days.
... ...
Ok, ok, I keep getting attention from the wrong kind of men these days.
... ...
Ok, fine. I keep getting attention from younger men these days. Way younger.
Which could've been flattering, if you would look at it from another point of view. It could've been, if it had been happening to me at a more different time.
But now, it's just all so wrong. Now, it's just making it more depressing for me.
And I don't think, at this age of mine, I should be indulging in games like these.
I've got "bigger stuff in life" to figure out right now.
Conversation with some really Italian-looking 'Italiano' at Mash'd last night:
Me: So how old are you really?
Him: Make a guess.
Me: Er... 24?
Him: *Shakes head*
Me: Younger?
Him: *Nods head*
Me: 22?
Him: *Shakes head*
Me: *Taking in a gulp* Younger??
Him: *Nods head*
I found out he was only a freakin' twenty-year-old.
At that moment in time, I had only one thing floating in my mind: Gawd, so 'chao lao'.
That polite dude thought I was only twenty-five. It must've been my hip-hop get-up.
Or rather, I'd hoped, my careful skincare regime is finally showing some positive effect.
Or, fuck, it could've just been the very dark and very flattering lighting effect in Phuture.
Whatever it had been, at the very least, he didn't seem put off by the fact I was almost a decade older than he.
That was probably the only gratifying bit of the entire episode.
*****
Yahoo!'d again.
d******c***: how was supper
h*******: supper?
h*******: oh last night
h*******: ok lah
h*******: talk cock all the way
d******c***: you were erally excited you know, when you left
h*******: isit?
h*******: no lah
d******c***: tues, got yoga if you want. wait i go eat butter cake
d******c***: yes, you very excited, your face lit up, your smile damn big lor
h*******: tats bad
Yup, I know what you're talking about, and I may not remember now, but I may have been that excited.
And it's bad. Really, really bad.
Duh.
What a flattering proposition.
*****
I keep finding myself on the receiving end of the wrong kind of attention these days.
... ...
Ok, ok, I keep getting attention from the wrong kind of men these days.
... ...
Ok, fine. I keep getting attention from younger men these days. Way younger.
Which could've been flattering, if you would look at it from another point of view. It could've been, if it had been happening to me at a more different time.
But now, it's just all so wrong. Now, it's just making it more depressing for me.
And I don't think, at this age of mine, I should be indulging in games like these.
I've got "bigger stuff in life" to figure out right now.
Conversation with some really Italian-looking 'Italiano' at Mash'd last night:
Me: So how old are you really?
Him: Make a guess.
Me: Er... 24?
Him: *Shakes head*
Me: Younger?
Him: *Nods head*
Me: 22?
Him: *Shakes head*
Me: *Taking in a gulp* Younger??
Him: *Nods head*
I found out he was only a freakin' twenty-year-old.
At that moment in time, I had only one thing floating in my mind: Gawd, so 'chao lao'.
That polite dude thought I was only twenty-five. It must've been my hip-hop get-up.
Or rather, I'd hoped, my careful skincare regime is finally showing some positive effect.
Or, fuck, it could've just been the very dark and very flattering lighting effect in Phuture.
Whatever it had been, at the very least, he didn't seem put off by the fact I was almost a decade older than he.
That was probably the only gratifying bit of the entire episode.
*****
Yahoo!'d again.
d******c***: how was supper
h*******: supper?
h*******: oh last night
h*******: ok lah
h*******: talk cock all the way
d******c***: you were erally excited you know, when you left
h*******: isit?
h*******: no lah
d******c***: tues, got yoga if you want. wait i go eat butter cake
d******c***: yes, you very excited, your face lit up, your smile damn big lor
h*******: tats bad
Yup, I know what you're talking about, and I may not remember now, but I may have been that excited.
And it's bad. Really, really bad.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
My Ah Beng
I love my nephew to bits.
And it's true, I do have an inexplicable affinity to ah bengs.
How else can you explain why I so love a tiny thing who looks so angelic...
... yet turns out to be so beng?
Disclaimer: This is not a posed shot. The photog just had quick enough hands to capture the beng 'moment' in time.
I think the little beng loves his Gu Gu very much too now.
Why else would he be spending his every waking moment in the company of his Gu Gu - that is, whenever Gu Gu is at home - if he didn't?
For that, I am going to take a day off work next week, and bring him on an outing to the zoo.
It's been a long, long while since Gu Gu went to the zoo as well.
*****
Ok, the stupid heat is getting to me.
Time for a run. Warm-up for M*A*S*H* tonight. =)
And it's true, I do have an inexplicable affinity to ah bengs.
How else can you explain why I so love a tiny thing who looks so angelic...
... yet turns out to be so beng?
Disclaimer: This is not a posed shot. The photog just had quick enough hands to capture the beng 'moment' in time.
I think the little beng loves his Gu Gu very much too now.
Why else would he be spending his every waking moment in the company of his Gu Gu - that is, whenever Gu Gu is at home - if he didn't?
For that, I am going to take a day off work next week, and bring him on an outing to the zoo.
It's been a long, long while since Gu Gu went to the zoo as well.
*****
Ok, the stupid heat is getting to me.
Time for a run. Warm-up for M*A*S*H* tonight. =)
Being Yourself
Today... is such a fucking hot day.
So hot, I wonder why I am out here and not snoozing at home. Ah well, at least I am doing something mentally constructive and not rotting away, being tormented by more bad dreams.
I see a black poodle.
And the first thing that bothers me: does the poor fella feel hotter than, say, a white poodle under this sweltering heat?
Poor thing. He didn't exactly have a choice, being born the color he is, did he?
*****
I simply love all these wacky conversations with buddies, though I usually end up looking like a silly nut, laughing to myself in front of the notebook at the otherwise quiet cafe.
秦皇陵 says:
sigh. one of the depressing things about me being in this "circle" is that everybody i mix with seems to be an idiot. it's really tough for someone as atas as me.
ME Inc. says:
yes... i was kinda worried for your IQ

ME Inc. says:
if it would slip

ME Inc. says:
becos of the 'industry' you're in...

ME Inc. says:
like some job hazard thing...

ME Inc. says:
could u sue, if u really did?

秦皇陵 says:
yes, i am very very worried.

秦皇陵 says:
i feel rather stupid nowadays.

ME Inc. says:
so... just try to read much more at night these days lor

ME Inc. says:
once in a while, talk to me...

ME Inc. says:
hahaha

秦皇陵 says:
haha... yes, that is a good idea.

秦皇陵 says:
i recently scored 100% in the xxx course exam and everybody was so fucking impressed. i just wanted to scream "that because all of you are SO STUPID"

ME Inc. says:
hahahahhahaa
*****
News of me going to Taipei to look for a certain someone is spreading. Shit.
Now, pride is at stake.
I asked a silly question, just for the heck of it: Do you think I got competition?
Friend: Honey, I don't think you are competition.
Fuck.
Got a little too tipsy last night, in the company of a guy much younger than I was.
I know, I am weird. There I have friends telling me, "You know, I really think you should be going out with a much older man. You need someone stable to take your crazy dreams." And I go out drinking with guys more like my younger brothers.
I don't need anyone stable to 'take' my crazy dreams - I just need someone to share and live my crazy dreams.
"I think you're like fucking attractive lah. Most men will be intimidated by a woman who out-swears, out-drinks and out-laughs them. But I know you're just being yourself lah."
Yes, honey, you haven't yet seen me belch and burp and complain about an urgent tummyache while I'm driving in my car.
But I like that statement: out-swears, out-drinks and out-laughs.
Very original. Just befitting for the Original Fatmama. =)
So hot, I wonder why I am out here and not snoozing at home. Ah well, at least I am doing something mentally constructive and not rotting away, being tormented by more bad dreams.
I see a black poodle.
And the first thing that bothers me: does the poor fella feel hotter than, say, a white poodle under this sweltering heat?
Poor thing. He didn't exactly have a choice, being born the color he is, did he?
*****
I simply love all these wacky conversations with buddies, though I usually end up looking like a silly nut, laughing to myself in front of the notebook at the otherwise quiet cafe.
秦皇陵 says:
sigh. one of the depressing things about me being in this "circle" is that everybody i mix with seems to be an idiot. it's really tough for someone as atas as me.
ME Inc. says:
yes... i was kinda worried for your IQ

ME Inc. says:
if it would slip

ME Inc. says:
becos of the 'industry' you're in...

ME Inc. says:
like some job hazard thing...

ME Inc. says:
could u sue, if u really did?

秦皇陵 says:
yes, i am very very worried.

秦皇陵 says:
i feel rather stupid nowadays.

ME Inc. says:
so... just try to read much more at night these days lor

ME Inc. says:
once in a while, talk to me...

ME Inc. says:
hahaha

秦皇陵 says:
haha... yes, that is a good idea.

秦皇陵 says:
i recently scored 100% in the xxx course exam and everybody was so fucking impressed. i just wanted to scream "that because all of you are SO STUPID"

ME Inc. says:
hahahahhahaa
*****
News of me going to Taipei to look for a certain someone is spreading. Shit.
Now, pride is at stake.
I asked a silly question, just for the heck of it: Do you think I got competition?
Friend: Honey, I don't think you are competition.
Fuck.
Got a little too tipsy last night, in the company of a guy much younger than I was.
I know, I am weird. There I have friends telling me, "You know, I really think you should be going out with a much older man. You need someone stable to take your crazy dreams." And I go out drinking with guys more like my younger brothers.
I don't need anyone stable to 'take' my crazy dreams - I just need someone to share and live my crazy dreams.
"I think you're like fucking attractive lah. Most men will be intimidated by a woman who out-swears, out-drinks and out-laughs them. But I know you're just being yourself lah."
Yes, honey, you haven't yet seen me belch and burp and complain about an urgent tummyache while I'm driving in my car.
But I like that statement: out-swears, out-drinks and out-laughs.
Very original. Just befitting for the Original Fatmama. =)
I love my job, I love my job, I love my job...
Next time you have a bad day at work... think of this guy.
Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an email he sent to his sister.
She then sent it to a radio station in Ft.Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.
Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.
Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit.
This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: we have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a hose, which is taped to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my ass started to itch.
So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.
Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my ass was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my ass. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive.
I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.
When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my ass as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my ass was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.
Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job..."
Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an email he sent to his sister.
She then sent it to a radio station in Ft.Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.
Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.
Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit.
This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: we have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a hose, which is taped to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my ass started to itch.
So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.
Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my ass was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my ass. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive.
I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.
When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my ass as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my ass was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.
Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job..."
Friday, March 03, 2006
This One's for the Babes
Finally!
A wedding invitation!
Finally I have another happy sista who's "getting off the shelf".
Nice one, girl. I like the way you put it. =)
*****
Some crappy messages over the phone last night.
Me: Oei how's you doing?
Dee: Ok. Just done with Bollywood dancing class.
Me: Huh? Bo nei nei, bo ba toh. Dance what Bollywood?
Dee: You very good. Bo nei nei also can try what.
...
Me: So we meeting this sat?
Dee: Ya sat. :) Bo nei nei gals paint town red.
Me: I got ok. Just very very small only. Need to look hard enuf.
Dee: So cute. Like mine. Ha ha.
...
Dee: Thanks for checkin in on me.
Me: Anything for a babe like u.
=)
I fear, though, I may be getting some lesbian tendencies. Ha.
*****
Finally, I saw my babemomma.
Haven't seen her for weeks, and her tummy's getting bigger. =)
I invited her to the sale at the office, where, right in front of my colleagues, I unabashedly asked if she had any marketing job for me at her place.
Don't care. Enough is enough.
We hung out for dinner and tea. We launched into conversations about our difficult lives with our families, and our difficult lives in general.
I wasn't spared a minor tongue-lashing from her, as well.
"I really can't believe you're still saying this now," said my babemomma as she shook her head in genuine disbelief.
Yes, babe. I can't believe myself either. =)
*****
Lastly, my girl. My favorite 'tuition kid'. All grown up and looking so pretty now.
(Don't mind the dude in the background.)
Don't forget Wee Wee when you're ahead in life, yah.
*****
Come to think of it, I do have quite a many babe-ish friends.
The pictures tell it all. =)
A wedding invitation!
Finally I have another happy sista who's "getting off the shelf".
Nice one, girl. I like the way you put it. =)
*****
Some crappy messages over the phone last night.
Me: Oei how's you doing?
Dee: Ok. Just done with Bollywood dancing class.
Me: Huh? Bo nei nei, bo ba toh. Dance what Bollywood?
Dee: You very good. Bo nei nei also can try what.
...
Me: So we meeting this sat?
Dee: Ya sat. :) Bo nei nei gals paint town red.
Me: I got ok. Just very very small only. Need to look hard enuf.
Dee: So cute. Like mine. Ha ha.
...
Dee: Thanks for checkin in on me.
Me: Anything for a babe like u.
=)
I fear, though, I may be getting some lesbian tendencies. Ha.
*****
Finally, I saw my babemomma.
Haven't seen her for weeks, and her tummy's getting bigger. =)
I invited her to the sale at the office, where, right in front of my colleagues, I unabashedly asked if she had any marketing job for me at her place.
Don't care. Enough is enough.
We hung out for dinner and tea. We launched into conversations about our difficult lives with our families, and our difficult lives in general.
I wasn't spared a minor tongue-lashing from her, as well.
"I really can't believe you're still saying this now," said my babemomma as she shook her head in genuine disbelief.
Yes, babe. I can't believe myself either. =)
*****
Lastly, my girl. My favorite 'tuition kid'. All grown up and looking so pretty now.
(Don't mind the dude in the background.)
Don't forget Wee Wee when you're ahead in life, yah.
*****
Come to think of it, I do have quite a many babe-ish friends.
The pictures tell it all. =)
Flawed
Ah, I like this one too.
Sisterhood, enjoy and embrace yourself.
*****
One Flaw In Women
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you .
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.
*****
=)
Sisterhood, enjoy and embrace yourself.
*****
One Flaw In Women
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you .
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.
*****
=)
Asylum
I like this one.
*****
It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criteria was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director. "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No," said the Director. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a room with or without a view?"
*****
Ha ha ha.
*****
It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criteria was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director. "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No," said the Director. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a room with or without a view?"
*****
Ha ha ha.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
"Ok. Thanks."
Fuck.
I spent more than I should - again - at the sample sale. And more than half of them stuff aren't even fucking for myself.
Why the fuck am I still doing this?
Because I am nice. No... too nice. That's all I'll explain to myself.
Today is just so fucked up, I've kinda made up my mind.
If I don't get the posting, I'll quit.
I have to walk out of here if I still want my sanity.
Yeah, that's just what I'll do.
I spent more than I should - again - at the sample sale. And more than half of them stuff aren't even fucking for myself.
Why the fuck am I still doing this?
Because I am nice. No... too nice. That's all I'll explain to myself.
Today is just so fucked up, I've kinda made up my mind.
If I don't get the posting, I'll quit.
I have to walk out of here if I still want my sanity.
Yeah, that's just what I'll do.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Similarities
Yesterday... all my troubles seem so faraway...
Yeah right.
That yesterday for me was so long ago for me. Yet, I am still feeling it.
Yesterday was full of talk about loving, losing love, being open, being confused, being magnanimous, moving on, feeling stuck... and giving up.
All with different folks. From the young to the old.
My dear, dear friend has just broken up. A piece of new that struck me when I came back from Portland, but wasn't that much of a surprise to me.
My dear, dear friend had a man who evidently loved her more than she probably did him. A man who would loiter around Suntec City while we were having drinks at Bala, waiting to bring her home, only to be told a couple of hours later to "go home first' - because she had decided to hop over to MOS with her other girlfriends.
It was a mutual separation, so she said. Fundamental differences, or incompatibility. Or something like that.
She was packing her stuff, ready to move back home when we started chatting on Yahoo! the other night.
A slow, deliberate, and probably painful process that got delayed because of my online presence.
I asked if I could ask a stupid question: How sad are you?
She said: Very sad.
Then she said: It is all very sad because we've built so many dreams together, planned a future together, made so many hopes for each other. But I know it is better now to be hurt, than later in the long run... It's not so much being sad about the past and the lost love. It's about being sad that we're choosing a future that will have neither me nor him.
I don't understand you, just like how I don't understand the ex - was my reply.
How could anyone have even built a dream or seen a future together with another who was not even fundamentally right in the first place?
If you're gonna be upset about a future that has neither you nor the other, why choose it?
I don't understand. I can't.
The fact that her situation was so similar to mine bothers me. Except that the gender roles were reversed.
And that theirs was a "mutual separation".
I met up with a kid late last night for a last-minute kopi session.
A kid, only twenty-three years of age, telling me: Three years together is long enough for the relationship to lose its romanticism. I can't blame her. I was at fault too.
He had caught his dearly beloved 'almost cheating' on him.
'Almost cheating'. Never really did but had hurt him deep enough. Whatever that may mean.
He loves her too much to let her go, but feels he's never going to be able to get over 'this'.
He continues letting her be. He doesn't believe in 'restriction'.
Neither did I.
I couldn't tell him much to do, I could only listen and give whatever advice I had from my own experience.
The fact that his situaton is so similar to mine bothers me too. Except, again, the gender roles are reversed.
That silly boy. He is just so much like me.
I had dinner and a good talk with the aunt again.
Seems like she has found a friend in me. Which feels good for me - I am like the daughter she never had.
She was being upset about a cold war launched by her own son, and I was trying to give her advice about being open with him.
For one very simple yet important fact: he is going to be her only son forever. For the next thirty or forty years.
"You would know how I feel. The way I am accommodating with my son is exactly the way you were accommodating with him," she said.
Him, her nephew.
Ah. Nicely put.
We talked about a lot more things. Mostly about my lack of purpose in life now. And about my possible move.
At the very end, I had only this to say.
"The day when he finally decides to settle down, I'll be very sad I won't be the one around with him then."
The move would be a step toward giving up.
*****
I am having drinks tonight with a seemingly fine friend.
Other than the fact that she just got into a serious accident that saw the demise of her beloved Peugeot, she seems happy. A new job. A recent snowboarding trip in the US.
I hope I have a more pleasant conversation tonight. =)
Yeah right.
That yesterday for me was so long ago for me. Yet, I am still feeling it.
Yesterday was full of talk about loving, losing love, being open, being confused, being magnanimous, moving on, feeling stuck... and giving up.
All with different folks. From the young to the old.
My dear, dear friend has just broken up. A piece of new that struck me when I came back from Portland, but wasn't that much of a surprise to me.
My dear, dear friend had a man who evidently loved her more than she probably did him. A man who would loiter around Suntec City while we were having drinks at Bala, waiting to bring her home, only to be told a couple of hours later to "go home first' - because she had decided to hop over to MOS with her other girlfriends.
It was a mutual separation, so she said. Fundamental differences, or incompatibility. Or something like that.
She was packing her stuff, ready to move back home when we started chatting on Yahoo! the other night.
A slow, deliberate, and probably painful process that got delayed because of my online presence.
I asked if I could ask a stupid question: How sad are you?
She said: Very sad.
Then she said: It is all very sad because we've built so many dreams together, planned a future together, made so many hopes for each other. But I know it is better now to be hurt, than later in the long run... It's not so much being sad about the past and the lost love. It's about being sad that we're choosing a future that will have neither me nor him.
I don't understand you, just like how I don't understand the ex - was my reply.
How could anyone have even built a dream or seen a future together with another who was not even fundamentally right in the first place?
If you're gonna be upset about a future that has neither you nor the other, why choose it?
I don't understand. I can't.
The fact that her situation was so similar to mine bothers me. Except that the gender roles were reversed.
And that theirs was a "mutual separation".
I met up with a kid late last night for a last-minute kopi session.
A kid, only twenty-three years of age, telling me: Three years together is long enough for the relationship to lose its romanticism. I can't blame her. I was at fault too.
He had caught his dearly beloved 'almost cheating' on him.
'Almost cheating'. Never really did but had hurt him deep enough. Whatever that may mean.
He loves her too much to let her go, but feels he's never going to be able to get over 'this'.
He continues letting her be. He doesn't believe in 'restriction'.
Neither did I.
I couldn't tell him much to do, I could only listen and give whatever advice I had from my own experience.
The fact that his situaton is so similar to mine bothers me too. Except, again, the gender roles are reversed.
That silly boy. He is just so much like me.
I had dinner and a good talk with the aunt again.
Seems like she has found a friend in me. Which feels good for me - I am like the daughter she never had.
She was being upset about a cold war launched by her own son, and I was trying to give her advice about being open with him.
For one very simple yet important fact: he is going to be her only son forever. For the next thirty or forty years.
"You would know how I feel. The way I am accommodating with my son is exactly the way you were accommodating with him," she said.
Him, her nephew.
Ah. Nicely put.
We talked about a lot more things. Mostly about my lack of purpose in life now. And about my possible move.
At the very end, I had only this to say.
"The day when he finally decides to settle down, I'll be very sad I won't be the one around with him then."
The move would be a step toward giving up.
*****
I am having drinks tonight with a seemingly fine friend.
Other than the fact that she just got into a serious accident that saw the demise of her beloved Peugeot, she seems happy. A new job. A recent snowboarding trip in the US.
I hope I have a more pleasant conversation tonight. =)
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