蛇

I received this from AKB over email, and out of curiosity and interest, decided to check it out.

Since it sounded so serious, like a real Chinese feng shui shifu trying to explain his stuff in the English language. Heh.


THE SNAKE

Ancient Chinese wisdom says a Snake in the house is a good omen because it means your family will not starve. This could be taken metaphorically to mean that a Snake could never have a problem with his family starving because he is such a great mediator, making him good at business. Or it could mean that a Snake would be willing to sacrifice his possessions, something the Snake has a lot of, in order to pay for his family’s food. Any way it is interpreted is representative of the Snake’s character and is a measure of the value he puts on his material wealth. The Snake is keen and cunning, quite intelligent and wise.

I think I'm the latter. The sacrificial snake.

And I agree - I always knew I'm the smart one. And sometimes very wily too. Heh.


THE SIGN OF THE SNAKE

The Snake is the intuitive, introspective, refined and collected of the Animal Signs. They are attractive people who take cries with ease and do not become flustered easily. They are graceful people, exciting and dark at the same time.

I kinda like this description. Intuitive. Refined. Collected. Exciting yet dark. Ha.

Contemplative and private, the Snake is not outwardly emotional. He can appear cunning and reticent and works very modestly in the business environment. The Snake will plot and scheme to make certain things turn out exactly as they want them to. They are not great communicators and can become quite possessive when they set their minds on achieving the interest of a partner.

Er... no comment. But a little bit true.


CHARACTERISTICS

Acute, Aware, Cunning, Proud, Vain, Vicious

Wah. So mean. I am not vain, though. Ok... a little bit.


THE FIRE SNAKE 1917 AND 1977

Fire Snakes can be a bit loud, speaking their minds and smothering you with their opinions. This does add a twist to his dynamic and vibrant character, as he is quite the extrovert. These Snakes have a great wisdom. They are intriguing communicators who leave you breathless after a conversation. Fire Snakes can change even the most obstinate mind with their powers of persuasion, convincing you their opinions or ideas are better than yours. This does make them a little self-centered, but you can’t say they aren’t driven for success.

Eh. Say I talk a lot? Not really, though I'm just a little chatty with buddies. Talk cock, actually.

And yes, I am wise. Heh.


HEALTH

Snakes become easily stressed and have to avoid hectic schedules or noisy atmospheres. They do not get a rush from adrenaline, instead, a headache. They need calm and quiet to thrive and succeed. A Snake must have sleep and relaxation to live a long, healthy life.

Oh, yes. I can attest to that stress.

But then, I thrive under stress. I don't work hard till the deadline is impending. This morning's a pretty good example.


AT HOME WITH THE SNAKE

The Snake is very sophisticated and cultured in his choices for home décor. They like muted colors and prefer to have one very expensive chair rather than three reasonable priced ones. The Snake is elegant and graceful and places emphasis on his comfort when deciding what to decorate with. As we know, the Snake must have peace, so you may find relaxation or sounds of nature tapes next to the stereo. Snakes do not deprive themselves of luxuries either, as one of everything never seems to ease his mind. He is materialistic and therefore must have as many of everything, if not more than his friends and family.

Sophisticated. Elegant. Luxury-seeking. Many of everything? Yes, I'm the sort who would buy two or three colors of the same shirt if I like it a lot.

One expensive chair over three reasonably-priced ones? Haha! Yes, I totally agree. So, maybe I am materialistic.

But those silly 'nature' tapes? Urgh! Absolutely not. Give me Placebo anytime.


THE SNAKE AT WORK

Snakes become bored easily and therefore change jobs quite frequently. They are very conscientious and diligent at work. Since they are such relaxed individuals, they can often seem to be slacking off at work when in reality they are at the height of their creativity. They are organized and precise. Snakes can make lightening deadlines and can problem solve quickly. Sometimes, because they like to work alone, they can seem as though they are withholding information or being secretive about company initiatives.

I do become bored easily, but I work for real passion as well. I just find ways to revitalize my passion from time to time.

Then again, I'm crying out loud now to get out of my job, because I think I am really getting way too bored.

I am going to send this statement to my boss: "because they are such relaxed individuals, they can often seem to be slacking off at work when in reality they are at the height of their creativity". Oh, how so very true!

Organized? No.

Work alone? Yes.

Secretive about company initiatives? Bo pian, bounded by contractual terms. Ha.


MONEY AND THE SNAKE

A Snake’s worst nightmare is jumping head first into a financial deal or a shopping spree. The Snake can be successful as long as he avoids extemporaneous spending. Although he is intuitive, the Snake will often dive right into decisions without weighing the consequences, which can cause him financial ruin.

Those stupid shopping sprees. Spendings without weighing consequences.

Damn. I am ruined.


SNAKES MAKE EXCELLENT:

Scientists
Potters
Analysts
Jewelers
Spiritual Leaders
Sociologists
Dieticians
Astrologers
Magicians
Investigators
Painters

What the hell??? I so foul-mouthed, how to be spiritual leader? Investigator maybe. Those undercover kind, can pose as Ah Lian in Geylang to catch those foreign-worker-pimps.


LIKES AND DISLIKES

Color Preference: Red

Nope.

Gems and Stones: Topaz, Jasper, Bloodstone

Huh?

Suitable Gifts: binoculars, Tarot cards, oils and lotions, stamp collection

Simi sai???

Hobbies and Pastimes: Astrology, painting, touring, photography

Oh, photography! Touring - if only I could make it a past-time!

Snakes Dislike: Being interrupted, being mislead personally or professionally, failure

Yes. I hate failure, and I hate being misled. 'Nuff said.


THE SNAKE ON VACATION

Snakes love to vacation. They get a great deal of pleasure out of just being lazy. And they love luxurious things, often spending their money on material desires they probably don’t need. When a Snake goes on vacation, he really goes on vacation. Fancy restaurants, expensive health clubs and spas, anything in which they can fully indulge themselves. Their getaways must be fully equipped to pamper their every want, or the Snake will become stressed.

Haha. This is so true!

That I love to be lazy and nuah. (And someone else I know, too.)

And yes, spending my money on 'luxurious' stuff I don't really need. I think those silly bottles of body cream in my cupboard count here.


FRIENDS AND ENEMIES

Snakes have very few friends because thy are not outwardly emotional or open creatures. The friends they do make generally last a lifetime, even though peers may find it hard to relate to the Snake because he is withdrawn and secretive. Still, Snakes like social functions, in moderation, where they can gossip about the latest scandal or the newest news. If you stab a Snake in the back it is likely you will never be forgiven. In addition, you should prepare yourself for retaliation for the Snake always gets the last word.

Compatible Friends

Best Friends: Oxen and Roosters

Mortal Enemy: Pigs

Ok, I don't really know about this. But it is true I don't open up at first meetings. I don't really make first moves.

I don't gossip; I just bitch.

I don't think I've ever been stabbed. Try me, though. Let's see if I bite you back.

But I sure do hope my buddies will last me a lifetime.


SNAKE PARENTS AND BABIES

Snakes will likely form intimate bonds throughout his lifetime with different partners. With these relationships come children, and it is likely the Snake will have many children and stepchildren throughout his lifetime.

!!! I am finding this very personally upsetting.

Regardless, Snakes are devoted and dedicated parents, willing and able to defend the livelihood and happiness of their children.

I see myself.

Snake parents often use humor to deal with their parents. Because they like peace and quiet, they generally use humor to avoid confrontational situations with their young. In addition, this joy of serenity comes at a price for their children. Snake parents are not known to be the most affectionate or playful parents. They do not like to roll around and get dirty with their children, nor do they enjoy loud situations, and these types of things send a Snake running for a locked bedroom door. Unfortunately for the Snake partner, he is responsible for calming the children back down.

Yes, I am crappy. I like my sense of warped humor.

And I think I will be a crazy mom. I think my kids will be a crazy bunch too.

What's life if you ain't got fun?


THE SNAKE LOVER

Snakes are beautiful people who exhibit quite a sexual appeal. They are sleek and seductive and if they want you, will out a spell on you that won’t let you stop thinking about them. However, Snakes are quite prejudiced when choosing a partner and don’t just choose based on physical qualities. The Snake needs a partner who can appreciate his quirky sense of humor and his wacky way of handling situations, so generally, although quite beautiful and tempting to approach, the Snake does all the pursuing.

Yes, I am beautiful. But I got sexual appeal meh?

I seduce only the intellect, and not the groins. So yes, I am picky. You gotta be smart enough for my wisecracks.

I do have a quirky sense of humor and a wacky way of handling situations. And I'm proud of it.

And see? I told ya I'll be the hunter. =)


MARRIAGE

Because the Snake is so choosy, he can become jealous and obsessive about his partner. They can be a bit stand-offish with their mates, choosing to push away emotions rather than confront their feelings and insecurities. Once betrayed, you can bank on not ever being trusted by the Snake again as much as you can bet he will get even.

... ...

I don't get even. I just get mad.


THE SNAKE LOVE PARTNER

Not everyone can live and be happy with a Snake. It takes a patient soul, someone ready for the long haul, who can calm his nerves and deal with his obsessions with skill. Chinese horoscopes are very specific about which partnerships have the potential to be successful in love and in business. Yet, though destiny can point us in the right direction, we must still make all efforts to maintain loving relationships.

Do I sound like I'm difficult? I don't know, really.

Snake*Dragon

You fit well together…you share flirtatious natures and zesty outlooks.

I should go out and find my 龙哥.

Snake*Sheep

You two make great friends and even better lovers.

Or, maybe my 小棉羊.

Snake*Rooster

Dynamic duo!

Or, maybe I should just go find a cock. Haha!

Snake*Dog

Love at first sight. Go for it!

Sigh... maybe my friends are right. I should just marry a dog.


And finally...

LIBRAN SNAKE

One of the most beautiful breeds of the Snake, Libran Snakes are graceful and kind. They are always being pursued by someone interested in them and fall deeply in love with the right partner.

Stop it!

I already know I am beautiful.

...

I just hope I find the right one.


After all the fun, I am still confused about who I really am. Hmmm.