Patience

Met an acquaintance today, let's call him Mr Nike-store, who exclaimed upon seeing me, "Daar-ling! You lost weight again?" (Yes, that's a mister.) Me: "Again? Don't have lah."

A couple of hours later, bumped into an old friend, Miss Tall, who passed the same comment, "Aiyo, you very skinny now leh", while touching my arm. Me: "Again? Don't have lah."

That is my standard answer to every single such question or comment about my dimishing size. How else should I answer them when I can't explain myself? No wonder I can't even fill out my A-cups recently.


One change, though, that I've noticed in me in recent months (and it's not my weight, thank you very much) is my lack of patience in general. I've lost patience for practically everything.

I drive fast and furiously these days - zipping through highways and getting very impatient with red lights and slow drivers in the first lane. My fuel consumption has gone up. I dig my manual driving more these days, picking up speeds to 80kmph on small lanes without batting an eyelid. And I realized it's not even about getting a high from speed. It's about venting my frustrations on the road, and about wanting to get to my destination, wherever it may be, quickly because I just feel time is so precious to me now, and I don't have any single second to waste.

I have no qualms deeming silly cows in the office 'silly cows'. I let my frustrations at these people show. Even toward my boss. I cannot seem to tolerate people not behaving the way I expect them to.

I have no patience at home with my mom and pa. I know every well deep inside of me that they are getting old and all they want to do is just to express some concern for me. But outwardly, I cannot help but express grouchiness everytime they ask me of something, because all I want then is to be left alone. I need space - I want so much to scream out to them. I've always felt that for a lonely person like me, I'll be best staying on my own, and I really think my relationship with my family would improve if they weren't facing me everyday.

I even have no patience with my dogs these days. I used to love seeing them play-fight together. Now, I just get so bothered with their grunts I scream at them to 'stop it', just like how mothers would scream at their mischievous 4-year-olds to stop playing with their food.

The only person I seem to have patience for these days is the man. And it is of no surprise. I would wait patiently for him to finish his games before he would talk to me, or get up and take a shower and get ready to go for dinner with me. I would smile and be nice even when he missed his punctuality in meeting me. All these years, I've been waiting patiently as he searches for his aim in life, as he tries to find out what he wants in life.

Sometimes I really don't know if there's anything I've done wrong. Maybe loving too much is wrong. Maybe all I really could use now is some patience - things might just be alright - someday... some fine day.

Sometimes I don't even remember how I used to be. So I can't say I miss the old me. How sad but true.


Shed a tear cos I'm missing you
I'm still alright to smile
Girl I think about you everyday now
Was a time when I wasn't sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt you're in my heart now

Said, woman, take it slow
It'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Said, sugar, make it slow
And we'll come together fine
All we need is just a little patience

I sit here on the stairs
Cos I'd rather be alone
If I can't have you right now
I'll wait dear
Sometimes I get so tense
But I can't speed up the time
But you know, love, there's one more thing to consider

Said, woman, take it slow
And things will be just fine
You and I'll just use a little patience
Said, sugar, take the time
Cos the lights are shining bright
You and I've got what it takes to make it
We won't fake it
I'll never break it
Cos I can't take it

I've been walking the streets at night
Just trying to get it right
Hard to see with so many around
You know I don't like being stuck in the crowd
And the streets don't change
But baby the name
I ain't got time for the game
Cos I need you
I need you
All this time... ...