Another late morning, when I had wanted to get out earlier today. Someone pulled the blinds up last night, and by 7 in the morning, the sun was shining on my butt - literally. I actually woke up because I felt too hot on my bum. Duh.
Lazed around a little on bed, checking my mail. I heard sounds downstairs; they must all be awake already. Didn't feel like appearing to the world too soon. By 10, I realized I was kinda late on my own schedule, got up, washed up and changed into some light comfy clothes - it looks like it's going to be another nice sunny day, a skirt and flip flops would be perfect. I had wanted to hang out at some cafe for latte and toasted bagel-with-cream cheese for breakfast but was held back by Aunt Lynette who had kindly made toast and eggs for me. So I hung around the breakfast table for a while, had a nice chat with my folks. I like Uncle Morris, I think he likes me too. Until Charles said I have to be back at home by 5 this evening. I bolted out of the house immediately.
Enjoying my dose of skinny latte before I head for the bus that will bring me to the Museum of Flight, my itinerary of the day.
Got a sweet heartwarming message on MSN when I woke this morning. Somehow, words that I used to hear regularly and almost daily now have a strangely bittersweet but absolutely heartfelt effect on me. And tasks that I used to do like a normal routine now seem like a special event I can't wait to happen - like a simple wake-up call.
Ask me anytime, and I'll tell you, without a flinch or a flicker of an eyelid, I will choose 'l-o-v-e' over 'bread'. Maybe because I'm a woman. But maybe it's simply because I'm me.
All my life, I have always truly and honestly believed that for any one person in this world, there is that one special other half, what they call 'The One', somewhere out there in this whole wide world. And I always believe that it's the ultimate blessing to be able to find and marry The One, but I also believe most people don't. Most people in this world probably settle for the next best one whom they can find. They may not be happiest with whom they find, and then they start dreaming of having a more perfect partner, but life is still generally good, and so they stick around the one they find. And it's sad, but who am I to say that to people? Because I am me, and I believe in myself, I never want to end up like them, and I have always known I have to find The One.
I left the previous man because of this conviction of mine. He's a good man, most people think he is, anyway. And I even thought I would eventually marry this man who would probably be a good honest man who would give me a good comfy life. And he loved me a lot, more than I probably did. But one day, I woke up and realized I didn't love this man the way I've always wanted to love a man. I loved him more like a big brother who took real good care of me. I could've stayed on and be a pampered wife, but that wasn't how I wanted to live my life. More importantly, I asked myself, "Is he the man I want to wake up to every morning of my life? Is he going to be the father of my children?" The answer was clear. He wasn't the one.
That was almost eight years ago, and I have never ever regretted making that very hurtful decision. I left him when everything seemed to be going ok, nothing seemed to be going wrong. He was heartbroken, hurt and totally baffled by me. But I just had to do it. I couldn't let myself down. The previous man has since married another, and I sincerely wish him all the happiness he can find, though I never had the chance to tell him this myself.
Eight years on, I think I have found The One. But is The One meant to be?
It is aching to think that the man whom I want to wake up to every morning and whom I want to father my children may no longer be there for me.
The sight of this sweet old couple meant a thousand words to me. I looked at them and I wanted to cry. I wanted to grow old with The One like them (though I may not be the one on a walking stick). I wanted to grow old like those old couples dancing on the dance floor in the Cavern. I wanted to grow old like Noah and Allie in the movie The Notebook.
Will I?
1 comment:
Not many people find or think they have found 'The One'.. Good for you if you have done so.. :)
Just one thought.. Do you think you are also 'The One' to your man??
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