Checkpoint #1

I really can't say much whenever someone asks, "So how's work? How's your new life?".

Simply because I really don't know what to say. And I've learned when you don't know what to say, it's best to not say anything at all.

Just smile, and give the most casual shrug and the honestly most irritating "OK lor, like that lor", in a weak bid to shrug off the questions altogether.


I can't complain. I really can't. And I really shouldn't.

I took on a chance to escape from a pit. A less-than-perfect chance. But who am I to choose?

The strong-willed ones take a less-than-perfect opportunity to make it work, don't they?

Then again, am I strong-willed enough? Is it a strength that lies beneath, or it it weakness I really am?


As days go by here, as I try to fill my mind by filling up the fatpad, I wonder more and more if I made the right move.

Did I just jump from one pit to another?

Then again, this is the only move for me. Take it, or leave it. I couldn't find a reason to leave it, I found vague ones to take it.

And I scream hard in my own face everyday, this has to work.

This will work.

My life has to work.


Am I lonely?

No, not really. 'Cos I already had been.

This, the fact that I threw myself into a new scenario altogether, only makes it more bittersweet. But let me emphasize on the 'sweet'.

I've gotten a hold on the urge to call someone in times when I used to have a need to. I've gotten numb to eating alone at places. I no longer need to switch on a light when I sleep at night. I no longer find a need to tell someone of my exciting dreams.

Life is really like a box of chocolates. Bittersweet ones.


Do I miss anyone?

Yes. And no.

Yes, because I really do. But no, because I now know all these will pass. Like most people who walk me by. And because I know however much I miss anyone, no one will miss me that much.

It's just a self-defence mechanism I've learnt the hard way. Much more effective than karate or whatever martial art shit.


Am I sad?

No. Just pensive.

Like I always am.


I just looked at the calendar, and it's really been a little more than a month since I landed upon my new destination.

How time zips by.

One day. One fine day. I can't wait for my next destination.

Now that's one goal for me to work towards.

But before that, let's see what else I need to fill up my fatcosypad.