Why?

I have a lot of questions on my mind lately... accummulated over days, weeks, even months. I can question no one, nor do I really expect anyone to be able to answer them.

Why do people get complacent easily?
Man tends to get so hung up on his strengths, and tries to suppress his weaknesses. He sees and recognizes only his good, and tries to hide or ignore the presence of his bad. I see self-praise more than I do self-criticism. When Man fails, he tends to self-berate, cower, wallow, or worse, blame others or the predicament. Once success is achieved, even only for an instance, Man seems to think he can get no better than this, or rather, he can't get any worse than this. Sometimes, I'm guilty of this complacency. Why can't we continuously criticize ourselves, and aim to be even better, even when we seem to have accomplished what we should? Why is it so hard to accept that we are neither faultless nor infallible? When will we start to accept ourselves, mistakes and all, and see that nothing is forever? As the cliche goes, this is always much easier said than done.

Why do circumstances always turn around when you have made up your mind on something?
Why is it that just after I've paid $89 for the skirt that I've been eyeing and contemplating for weeks, it goes on sale the next weekend? Why is it that just when I'm feeling guilty about my spendings and making up my damn mind to save some money, the car has to break down, the dog has to start barfing, the phone bill suddenly shoots sky-high?

As recent as a couple of months ago, after some painful struggles and hurtful words, it came to one particular almost-fateful night when I was ready to let go of my faith and of my six-year relationship. But somehow, over that same night, the loved one came back to me and suddenly made things seem normal again. It caused me unwanted confusion at that time. The pain takes a while to dissipate, and the trust to be regained, but the love has come back stronger than before.

And then, after months and months of procrastination and self-doubt, I finally made up my mind to (eventually) quit my job and start chasing after my dreams. Then my boss called me into his room just days after I've announced my plans to close friends, and started talking about my frustrations, my apparent lack of interest in work, my unmotivated attitude, and the most mind-boggling of all, my career advancement and future plans in the company. Yes, he noticed it all, and even gave me a little monetary reward to top it off.

Why can't my life be a little less complicated? What am I to do?

Why does time fly by me before I can catch it and take a breather?
I try not to think too much of my age. Nor do I try to recount the accomplishments and the experiences in my life, because these are the stuff that people do that make them lament they're old. I am not old, nor do I think I am. I think I still have energy in me to chase after all the big things in life, whatever they may be at any point in my lifetime. I just need energy to unleash the energy.

But I do count the number of days that have passed by in the year. I commonly tell the boyfriend, "Wow, so fast... it's already the end of January/February/March/the year." And the biggest regret I have as I say this, is that I seem to have done little in the amount of time that has quickly passed. Maybe I procrastinate, or maybe I'm just a slacker. I think but I don't do. But can't time slow down a little and let us human beings work around things on our own pace?

Why do older folks get so hung up on your marital status?
Yes, I admit. When I was much much younger, I used to want to get married by 23, so I could have my kids by 25, and so when my kids turned 18, I would let them stand on their own feet and I'd still be young enough to re-start my life - travel the world with the husband, re-locate somewhere else in the world with the husband, spend a long honeymoon with the husband - just me and the husband. And I realized it was almost every young girl's dream (yes, believe it or not) to get married young.

And then I realized reality doesn't really work your way. And as you grow older and into your adulthood, you learn getting married young isn't quite an easy feat. First, of course, you gotta find the right man that early, which is virtually impossible. Then there's the career thing to consider. Getting married at 30 or something seems more achievable.

I've more or less resigned myself to that fate. What am I talking about? I'm already way past 23 and I'm not getting married yet. And it really doesn't help a local girl when she gets herself a man who's the same age as she is. (Honey, if you're reading this, I'm NOT pressurizing you yah.)

But it really really doesn't help either when you're already in the relationship for 6 years, and, for better or for worse, in one that seems to be going trouble-free. My parents, grannies, uncles and aunties, even the cleaning auntie in my office, all belong to the generation who believes there's no reason why a couple would stay together for so long and not think of getting married. I'm at that age now (I empathize with all my cousins and friends before me now) where I dread attending family functions. At any available occasion these elder folks get to be alone with me, the question inevitably pops up. Even my mom. Especially my mom. Sometimes I wonder if she is being pressurized herself by other family members.

I have devised all sorts of answers to that one question, I could've written a dictionary on them. But for sake of not being deemed rude, I have not used them. I totally understand if they are asking for the first time. But what I don't understand is why the questions still come even when I've implored them to stop asking, and shown unwillingness to answer. Can't they see the wedding is not impending anytime soon? And when it finally comes, I'll send them an invitation for sure?


I probably have a lot more 'whys' in my head... but writing about this seems to be a bad idea at the moment because I've gotten myself more befuddled than I should be. Why?