Happy (But Not With the Mossies)

It's 6.40 in the morning, and I'm sitting at a cafe at East Coast Park, maximizing the use of my Starhub Wireless subscription. Nuts? Not really. I just dropped off the man at work at 5, and I thought I should just hang around, enjoy the coolness of the pre-dawn hours, and catch the skyline turn from dark to light. It's one of the pleasures of Nature to me, and it's not as if I get to do this everytime.

I'm still not sleepy but I should sleep like a log when I get home later. I didn't catch any wink at all last night. Neither did the man. We had gotten home pretty late and we were supposed to wake at 3 this morning. Somehow, both of us didn't get to sleep any at all in the few 3 hours we had. We were both plagued by a stupid mossy and perhaps the fear of not waking up on time.

Or maybe I shouldn't sleep too much later. This is the third day of my long weekend break. But I haven't really done much. I haven't uploaded my photo library into Mac. I haven't written much. I haven't started on my Frisco journal (which is like long overdue). I haven't checked out more books on interior design. I haven't brought the girls to the beach. I haven't gone out and invaded town when everyone else is at work.

What have I done then? Sleep, sleep and more sleep. Oh but I did make breakfast for the man yesterday - bacon, sausages, and bagels with cream cheese. Yumms.

My plans for the man's birthday didn't also quite turn out the way I had hoped it to be. So much for my surprise. The outdoor fondue didn't happen, though I did manage to find a decent fondue pot (for the uninitiated, fondue pots are like so rare in Singapore - can someone do something about this?) the night before. *Sigh* I'll just have to save this for another occasion.

But whatever we did that day (which wasn't a lot actually), more importantly, we were happy. It's one of the simple things in life - to be happy doing nothing with a loved one - that matters to me.

I am thinking, I've been in a pretty happy state these days. And in fact, I think, I haven't been this happy for a long time, not probably in a couple of years. I've probably been an emotional wreck just a couple of months back. Nothing was certain to me then, and I almost thought my world was crashing down on me. What happened after and how things turned out again, I can't say for sure. Well, God deals different cards to us in different times, and I suppose we just have to learn how to play them ourselves and grow from each consequence of our moves. What is meant to be will be. What is not will not. This is simple to comprehend, isn't it?

(And I'm particularly happy now, because I just crushed a mossy sucking on my fresh red blood. Fark these stewpid mossies!)

Sometimes I lapse into my paranoia again and wonder, how long can this state of happiness last before something horrible spews up between us again? Then I try to be 'careful' and not screw anything up. I watch my step and hold my mouth. But I realize this adds pressure on myself and subsequently on the relationship as well. There's definitely a certain amount of tact and consideration needed in a relationship, but you don't end up losing yourself as a result. I'm learning to be open in this, and be myself, and be the best of myself while at that.

It's officially morning now. The sun is up but it's still cool. Oh how I love this part of the day.

5 more hours before I see the man (read: pick up the man).