ME Inc. Rebuilt

The weather still hasn't turned anywhere near 'nice' ever since...

It starts off being awesome in the morning, then goes awry just when it's the usual time I jump into the water. It's just awful.

(And I need to digress abit. I seem to be loving anything "aw".)


My Sasy-chick laments today (over a very nicely articulated email). And we all rightfully should, after weeks of merry-making (which involves, at the very basic level, booze and food of various sorts) that I hope have culminated with some whiskey+Tequila and lots of mushrooms-and-beef-in-a-hotpot over the sinful weekend that had just ended.

"Transcending beyond the financial impact from the craze are damages far greater than the monetary losses. I have aged tens of years and suffered bloating typical of pregnancy only. And till now, my cravings for liquor and food have not diminished."

I swear to God, I absolutely empathize. The bloating part. And especially the last sentence. =/

This is officially the second week of the new and still-hopeful year. So, I hope all my chicks friends go back to work, and stay right there.

You all complacent fellas have no idea how much I am d-y-y-y-i-n-g to get started on work again.


*****

I was inspired sometime one week ago by someone who claimed my blog was "very inspiring".

"... i guess if i didn't know you and i happen to stumble across your blog, i would really think you were some kind of superwoman... you seem to have all the energy in this world... the travelling, your me time, your passion to work, your girls, and many more... and best part, you still have time to write abt them..."

Me? A superwoman? "Super" like the dude who flies around in his underwear saving innocent lives from harm and evil when he's not busy pretending to be a reporter? Or, "super" like the woman who puts breakfast at your table early in the morning and makes sure that your coffee has its sugar and cream?

Got meh?

Yeah, maybe if we're looking at how I 'manage' my 24-hours everyday and squeeze in tons of activities like there's no tomorrow for me, then yeah, maybe I'm super-duper at that.

In any other case, erm... I really don't think so, 'cause I can already hear my chicks friends laughing like idiots in front of their computer screens.


Nonetheless, the conversation ensued into the night, and when it finally ended, I was still very inspired. To try and see the 'me' that my newfound friend thought he saw.

And so, I decided I had to revisit my entire blog - right from Day One.

It became a timely task anyway, since I have been for a while toying with the idea of starting a new blog. And it surely didn't turn out to be that bad an idea, because I suddenly remembered 'me', and because it unexpectedly brought me much laughter and tears (much more of the former than the latter, thank goodness).

And I needed that.


I remember, now, how I used to write, how I used to be long ago in 2005. And then I remember as well, how I was frantically searching for the same passion in 2006. I remember now how desperate I was just to write, anything just to keep my sanity.

I was 'me', then I unknowingly became someone else, some figment of who I ought to be.

Looking back, I laugh a little. I was being so silly I thought at some point, I was actually quite cute. I cringe when I read some, and then I stop wanting to read the rest. Then there were those I read, and re-read again, amazed at how I could have conjured up all that 'intense wit' then. It was a fun trip.

But the best part of it all? When I look at the past and the present, and all the unappetizing bits in between, I am so darn proud of myself. The winding roads I took, the endless pits I threw myself into and then crawled out of, the pathetic attempts at self-jibing and then self-prodding. I took a long time, yes, but that probably wasn't the point.

Point is, I have learned through my own ways that I am lucky to have me.

That was probably how I got here today. In one whole piece - maybe band-aided a little here and there, but still one fuckin' whole piece.

Nobody's pat on your own back feels better than the one you're finally able to give yourself.


Surely, there are still some issues to sort out.

There's the drinking. The what-if-I-don't-get-that-darned-job worries. The drinking. The what-the-fuck-am-I-thinking/doing distractions. The drinking. And the future I have to recreate from scratch.

But I am trying to worry less.

I've learned it is actually fun to just focus on being 'ME', the good old one plus some good new bits. Smack myself in the head once in a while, laugh hard at my stupidness, open my mind and take in all the good stuff in the world and sieve out the bad ones, then work on being good to myself.

I promise, I will be happy and I will laugh everyday in 2007. And beyond.


I remember saying this sometime long ago. Or, maybe not that long ago.

I am going to be 'me'. Take it, or leave it. =)