Cheat

We all get tired every now and then, don't we?

About work, about shit, about life. It's not just you, nor me; I suppose the mother who sits across from me cooing to her newborn son would get tired sometimes, or the security-uncle who sits stoned but still looking all-important at the same counter everyday, or my friends who are busy but seemingly pleased with their jobs and round up their otherwise normal daily lives by having couple of happy drinks with chums before heading home for a good night's rest.

Sometimes, it's just a worn-out body who tires out the mind, and we all regain that bit of energy to take on the world again after a good ten-hour snooze. That would be simply good fortune to know.

Then there are those sneaky times when we just feel tired inside out, we want to stop thinking, we want to stop breathing. We're so tired, our stomachs feel sick. We cuss and swear at the ills and wish they would all just disappear. Times like this, we just want to give up. Even if it is something you had really wanted. Times like this, you begin to doubt yourself and you forget what you were fighting for in the first place.

Is it just a burnt-out mind, or is it a seriously-wounded soul? Either case, I have no foolproof cure for it. Some say sleep would do some help. Some say booze, others say travel. I don't know.

I just know I am so fucking tired. If a deep, endless slumber is only but wishful thinking, then I just hope tomorrow, somehow somewhere I can find that energy to fight again.


Life is like those Choose Your Own Adventure storybooks I snuck from my brother when I was small and sick of playing with Barbie.

Only problem is, I cheated.

Every time I disliked my badly-chosen scenarios, I would cheat quietly and flip back a few chapters, just so I could choose my adventures all over again. Of course, trying very hard at the same time to remember the bad routes I had chosen before - and never to go up the same ones again.

If only I could cheat in life as well.


P.S.: Yes, I did use to own Barbies.