Getting younger

Second day of the new year, and I'm tired. Good sign or not, this is definitely a sign of aging. I am not one of those who go around professing old age, because yes, while I do indeed grow older by the years just like all my peers and everyone else, I certainly do not think I'm old. Ok ok, approaching thirty was, and still is, a scary thought when I was much younger. I could not, and honestly still can't, imagine myself at age thirty - erm, how would I look; what would I be doing; would I be married with kids; how would I think; would I be more mature; would I have aged gracefully (though thirty isn't exactly a good age to gauge this aspect)? And when I hit the big five-o, *gasps* what kind of 'auntie' would I become?

But while I'm consciously aware that my physical self is morphing toward its thirtieth year of existence, I am also baffled, and at the same time amazed, by the way my mental and emotional self is still vibrant and sometimes seemingly young. In short, my physical being is aging faster (and more appropriately according to the passage of time) than my mental being.

I can't personally fathom why most friends always lament they are getting old, and with honest devastation sometimes. Or maybe they're just looking for reassurances like "oh no, you're not old at all" (very much like how bean-pole girls always whine about their 'fatness'). What I honestly can't stand are 25-year-olds telling me they are getting old. I'm like, WTF?

I can't say I had the time of my life when I was 25, but I can say, at my age, I definitely still think I am young. And I guess it's got to do a lot with my passions and dreams in life. I'm young because there are still 1001 things for me to conquer out there in the world. Ambitious, I may sound, but who's to doubt me? What have I accomplished in my life so far? Nothing. Not putting myself down nor sounding overly-modest. I've found my soulmate, but life has its tribulations no doubt, and the love-train doesn't often go on a smooth ride. I've got a job that everyone else envies, but I've gained nothing that enriches the meaning of my life nor gears me toward realizing my many dreams. I yearn for more because I have less. I keep thinking of the things I have yet to do in life, and I keep telling myself, I'm still young and it's never too late to get going.

Nice going, girl. Now, just get your butt off the bed.

And come to think of it, gawd, I wonder when I will have the time of my life. Maybe when I *gasps* hit my big five-o?

And honestly? I wish my aging physical being could keep up with my youthful mental being... and stop feeling so tired easily!

Ok, I'm going out to a friend's place for round two of Blackjack. It's past midnight now, but I'm well-prepared - I've taken a 6-hour nap. *Sighs*