ME's Back

It's June.

Just about ten months since.

Tons have happened to my life since as well. Some new people popped up in my life, some of whom have made rather surprisingly good friends. Some old friends crept back and unwittingly stirred up some rather unnecessary shit. And then there are those good ol' ones who have continued to stand by me, and whose shoulders I've borrowed a great deal.

I started dabbling in freelance writing to whet my secret desires, and eventually became a somewhat full-time sports writer- wannabe. I turned into an obscure celebrity of sorts with the hosting stint. I have thickened my skin a great deal - I grew from being absolute shy talking to a camera in front of a crowd of kids to being totally nonchalent about stares and finger-pointing in front of the grand stands at the National Stadium. I have grown accustomed to working non-stop 'round the clock, giving up on social outings with folks to work on the articles in the nights.

I have done what I said I had wanted to do ten months ago. I have thrown myself into the deepest, darkest end and I have crawled my way out now. I have done much thinking. I have done much resting. I have run and swum more in the past few months than I ever had in the past two years. I haven't been stocking up my wardrobe, I haven't been going to facials, I haven't been able to go on holidays, but I am loving the little bits of joy I find in other aspects of my life. I am learning to let go of my material desires and to appreciate the real 'ME' I've been slowly polishing and uncovering from the mess.

I don't listen much to the external voices still, but I have been listening a lot to myself. I have sat quietly on the side and watch the inner me grow in strength and in confidence. I have argued and made peace with the inner me.

My energy level is back. I am not exactly the same old me, but I see the same real me somewhere inside me, trying to burst out of the shell. There are things, plenty of things I want to embark on now. On my own. My thoughts are the same yet different. My words are the same yet different. I am looking the same yet different.

Best of all, I am beginning to see what kind of me I am going to be in the future - something that had been a blurry vision for the longest time.

The closest friends have remarked that I have changed. Still crazy, still passionate, still 'ME', but I exude an aura of maturity and confidence that has been missing. I like what I hear.

So this is it.

I am going to take a backseat and have a good rest. And I am going to let the inner me take over the being.

I want newness. I want change. I want excitement. I want passion. I want challenges. I want to be really good. I want my inner me to shine.

Nothing really changes, but nothing really will stay the same either.

Hear me roar, people. If you truly love me, love me.

*RAARRR*