Jaded

What do you do when honesty doesn't pay for you? What happens if your truth and honesty hurts someone? Someone that matters.

I didn't mean to hurt. I meant only to be open and be frank about my feelings. Doesn't that intention of wanting to be open and frank count?

It makes me wonder if I should keep my thoughts to myself, lest they hurt someone again. But that isn't being true to yourself, is it?

I'm confused. I do not know what's right or wrong anymore. I am not sure if my values and beliefs are right anymore. I'm really not sure if I'm living my life quite right. Somehow I never expected life to be this tough growing up. Sometimes I really wish I have a shell like a tortoise that I can retreat into and not face anyone in this world.

My patience seems to be getting shorter and shorter. I'm no longer as tactful as I used to be and I am beginning to have less and less faith in myself and in everything else in this world. If I don't trust myself, I suppose it's harder to even trust anyone else. I don't think I'm right all the time, but I don't seem to believe others as well.

I've grown up into a jaded 28-year-old distrusting this world, and thinking why it is so difficult to craft the beautiful life I've yearned for all my life.

If there's anything about my body that I'd like to change, maybe it's my mind.