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And the Fatmama's back.

Part distressed, part thoughtful, part wordless, part lazy, and a huge bit lost. I had disappeared even from my own world.

I used to tell myself all the time, that I like writing, and I will always write. Because I know I am good when I can write. And when I can't, when the brain goes into a cramp, when visions form in my head but not the words, I know I am lost out there somewhere and I need to find me back.

Thanks to those few of you who check in still occasionally - and your very heartwarming encouragement for me to write again.

I think you do know me, after all.

*****

It's already February, oh my dear. I haven't really "spoken" for almost two months by now.

Whatever happened over the two months I went missing, we would all have assumed must be something terrible that made me stopped talking. That I wouldn't want to talk about now.

But that's not me. That's not my aim of talking in the first place. Not everything should be spoken of either, but it is my onus to preserve my memories here. My life is all I can claim pride and ownership of, and I will not run away from all that had indeed happened in it.

That said, not everything had been terrible. Like I said, I was lazy too : )


Let me retrace the steps in my memory a little. I'm going 32, my brain's not all that great these days, what with the 'selective memory' mode in function.

December of 2008 remains a bash. A huge party bash with the awesome folks. A drink too many had also caused malfunctioning of the brain, made me sleep more than usual, had me recovering on the couch in front of the tv most of the time. Writing became a procrastinated task.

I snuck off to Tokyo - again. Just for a few days over the weekend, and this time, flanked by my brother and the gorgeous one. Which only meant I wasn't going to be enjoying my favorite land my usual way.

No early mornings, no walking around, no food adventure, no crazy shopping (though I did blow more than a couple hundreds on everything 'Made in Scotland'). We woke up at noon, we lazed away our afternoons trying to wake up with Starbucks, we hopped into any convenient restaurant we could find (bleh!), we almost cabbed everywhere. The boys made me hang out an entire afternoon with them at the great big Isetan Men's, so I could "help me see if this jacket is nice".

And we partied big-time. They popped my strip-club cherry. They brought me all over around Roppongi like they were the local hosts. They met chicks, I met dudes. I was romanced with vintage French reds at the top of Tokyo, whose view unfortunately could not beat the one we get from our own Equinox, I thought.

Our main itinerary really kicked off from 11 every night. I am not so sure now when they said, "Seoul next!"




The rest of the month was thus spent back in the Honks, where we feasted like royalty and partied like animals. All the way right till the last day of the year.

















*****

I couldn't have had a happier December.

So my world stopped turning a little just on the second day of the new year, when the blow struck.

"Great. I still have 364 more days to go this year." And all of a sudden, I didn't want to remember December at all.


I slumped. I cried. I slept. I ran. I worked. I thought. And in between all, I survived the subzero freeze in Boston.

Now, I am just glad to be back.

And I can't wait for the remaining 320 days to go this year : )