Juice'd

I am such a Doofus-with-a-capital-D.

I was flipping through the 'Scene' pages of Juice, looking for my friends as usual, pretty much like how my mom flips through the obituary pages to look for hers, when my rather lazy eyes glanced over this...



... and then, stopped for a few seconds staring at the girl on the left, wondering to myself, "Eh... this girl looks damn familiar..."

Yes, for a few seconds.

I was just short of throwing that same question to the Ashchick next to me. I know, I'm mad.


Oh, and someone made the same issue too.

Hum'd

No, I stuck true to my word - no chilli sauce, no tom yum tonight.

But I had some awfully sinful, bloodily yummy hum.

And so did my pants.

"The world is your oyster, and you are the pearl"

No bloody way am I getting my feet cold.

I have come this far. Well, not that far in the bigger picture, if I consider the number of opportunities I had been given, because it is practically zilch. Fifty-seven boomerangs, and only one returned. And it almost didn't.

They have all been long shots. I want something I probably shouldn't deserve. Well, at least that's what they all think.

So, to the one person who would bother to pick me up, I have promised to show them what pearl they've found.

And I think my pearl has been shining well. So far.


So I'll just have to complete my mission tomorrow.

I wanna strike a home run.

And yeah, I will be wearing my pearl earrings.

Cold Feet

Nash Benjamin. Group CEO.

AAaaaaaaahhhhHHHHhh!!!!

NB. I have never been through something as 'dua zong' as this.

It's make-it-or-break-it time.

Coffee Drip

There are a couple of reasons why I am rarely caught in white-colored pants.

ONE: I am a klutz.
TWO: White-colored bottoms aren't exactly my thing. Not that I'm not crazy about it for the moment, but it's just not my thing all the time. Black sheep look weird in white bottoms, no?
THREE: White-colored bottoms make my ass look, er... less smaller than it really is!
FOUR: I don't own that many white-colored pants really.
FIVE: I am really a klutz.

Ok, so that makes more than just a couple.


And I've been really good to myself these days.

Much less klutzy. Or perhaps, I'm just getting better at the 'recovery' tactic - looking good and poised while pretending nothing has happened.

Tripping less over something that's really nothing. Spraining my ankle less while walking. (By the way, did I ever tell you of the incident where I actually sprained an ankle while I was standing stationary? Well, there really was no incident to talk about.)

And most of all, I haven't been dripping coffee from my mouth while drinking it. It's a feat I've been proud of, till today.

And did I say I pulled out my white pants from the wardrobe today?

Oh, I did.


I CAN'T STAND THIS!

I am not touching chilli sauce or tom yum soup today.

Life-Cycle

Sometimes it feels like my good ol' big brother has come back home to us.

Fighting with me over the bathroom. Quibbling with me over the dishes. Bickering over the unfinished food that neither of us wants to finish. Staging a "farting-versus-belching" warfare with me. Giving me hell over the misplaced papers. Providing me live updates of scores when I'm out on Saturday nights.

Most of all, sharing Mom's nagging with me again.

We both have been through shit, bad enough to make Mom still worry for us, like she did when we were still kids fooling around.

But like it's always been, he's here but he's never really here for me.


Still, despite the same mailing address once again, some other things don't stay the same anymore.

Brother is now the real adult he should be, having handled life-shit and still taking care of it. A more matured, less selfish big man.

Me? I will forever be the little 阿妹 who refuses to grow up. Always the blacker sheep in their eyes. Like it's always been.

Bumped

I hate it when I manage to fend off the zzz-monster and peel myself off the horizontal position this early, actually raring to go...

ONLY TO FIND THE HOGGER HOGGING THE BATHROOM!!

What would I do, tell me what would I do without a blog?

"Rather Sweet"

I crashed like a baby last night. In fact, for the past two nights.

Ever since.

Yeah, there are still the dreams, but a lot more pleasant/less scary ones. Or perhaps, it could really have been because my mom has stopped switching off the fan in the middle of the night.

So I am up this early today, not because I got shaken out of sleep by unknown and uncontrollable forces again. But because I had responded well to the alarm - for once, at long last.

But really, really? Ok, ok, because I crashed like a baby last night when I was supposed to work my ass off.


Of course I wouldn't be too sure myself, but maybe I must really be 'rather sweet'.

How else can I explain the ants that have been bugging me of late? Everywhere I am?

*Wink wink* :)

Run, Ran, Run

I'm not too sure if it was the six-packs or the one-flabby-packs, but I got inspired to head home while there was still light, peel the phone off my hands, and put on my Pegasus's.

Did my timing, but it was a horrid run. It's either because of the one-week hiatus, or because of the one and only one toasted-sesame-bagel-with-cream-cheese I managed to grab today.

I am feeling RA-VE-NOUS.

*****

I have calves which could be slimmer, but they aren't.

But I am thankful for these strong legs because it means I can run the miles, I can walk all corners of the world, however far the distance's going to be, just to be there.


I have hips which could also be smaller, but they aren't too.

But I am thankful because it means 我很会生孩子!

Wahahahahhahaha!

"Get a bib"

Hmm. So I was wrong.

I thought I'd have at least fifty lumps of six-packs to ogle at.


I'd be glad if there were twenty at all.

I saw more flabs than the kids at the Trim-and-Fit clubs.

Bleh.

Mr. Char Kuay Teow

*Gay boy*: don't gimme no haterade gurrrll
*Gay boy*: mr. char kuay teow still got lap cheong inside ok?

ME: tsktsk, i've always known this
ME: you fucking closet gay


This once, I am going to keep you anonymous. (Wahahahaha!)

Still luv ya, sista.

Polo Time

Water polo players need remarkable stamina due to the considerable amount of holding and pushing that occurs during the game...
Source from: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


Fat-ajumama says, Ooooh.

"Next time I sing to you"

啊朋友们
请你听啊听啊听啊
我唱歌来问候你
有什么事情
请啊请啊请啊
我能够帮助你

在春天夏天
并啊并啊并啊
秋天和严冬
我定啊定啊定
我令啊令啊令
你心啊心啊心 欢喜


When we've run out of songs for each other, I'll have this to sing to you. :)

"You got the spunk..."

So I got myself a 'new boy'. A very young one, indeed.

ME: btw, i spoke with *new boy* online
ME: and he asked me, who u?
ME: are you les's wife?
ME: hahahhahhahhahhaahhaha
Boss: hahahhahahahahaha
Boss: i mean that in a nice way.
ME: thanks
ME: i said
ME: les is married, and i'm not the wife
ME: and i mean that in a nice way
ME: wahahahhaha
Boss: thanks

Gotcha back.

ME: wahlau this *new boy* moves damn fast
ME: just added me on friendster
ME: now he's gonna see all my babelicious pictures and have a crush on me.
ME: are you sure you want him to follow me tmr? alone?!


Boss, I think I will like the job because it is going to satisfy my fetish for young boys. Not thirteen-year-olds, though, no worries.

Mmmm...

"Build A Toilet" Campaign

Five big humans, two with really bad hogging habits, and one small one who likes to play with water before the bath = two toilets.

This sounds even more atrocious.


Should I run this campaign concurrently? Or right after the aircon one?

"Save The Lees" Campaign

I am melting. Help.

I didn't want to go out in the heat today, but I guess I should've parked myself somewhere inside a cool building instead of cooping myself in the oven of a room.

And I think I got something figured out. It's not just the spooky dreams. It's the stupid heat that bothers me as well.

It's practically 'sleeping hell' for me at nights.


So. After living almost thirty years without air-conditioning, I think it's time I do something about it. I mean, this must be the only reason why I'd miss hotel rooms so so much.

Five big humans, one small one, two furry creatures = three bedrooms, three fans.

I just think there's something wrong with the equation above.


So, I am going to start a fundraising campaign, to prevent the annihilation of a distinguished species found only in Singapore, a species apparently facing a potential wipe-out from the global warming issue.

I could blackmail the brother. I could work my ass off writing article after article. I could try my hand at homemade rag-like skirts to sell.

Or, I could resort to something really disgraceful.

Got second-hand aircon to donate, anyone?

In Five Seconds

Karks, this is for you.


如果有一辆车, 小明在驾驶, 小华在乘客座位上, 请问, 车子是谁的?


Five... four... three... two... one...

"And yes, I think you should keep your locks."

And then, as if it had been hovering over me all these while eavesdropping on my thoughts, the same one appeared almost immediately before me. Well, almost, kinda.

"You been smiling?"
"Been trying."
"You?"
"Me too. Can't lie about that."

And then it was like two lost sheep who found their way back to good ol' home.


I haven't smiled this much in days.

Thanks. :)

"I think you should keep your locks."

Like the apparition that came to my room that night and left a voice in my head, this one appeared without really appearing before me, and left some words on my screen.

And then nowhere to be found.

I couldn't even say "Hi..."

Keepin' It

Me and my hair, we have a love-hate relationship.

I love it, but I think it hates me. That explains for all the bad-hair days, when you can't really single out the problem but it just doesn't look quite right altogether.

So when I can't let it down, I pull it up. High ponies, loose ponies, messy buns, even pigtails. And then, there are my trusty caps. I'm running out of ideas.

But I know my hair hurts. And it hates being cooped up by a rubber band the entire day, everyday. So it gets mad at me, and then it misbehaves. And it goes up again.

It's driving me nuts, that damn chicken-or-egg thingy.


Still, I love my hair.

You know those mermaids illustrated in the storybooks we used to read when we were little kids? Mermaids who has scales and tails for a lower body, and who never believe in buying just the top half of a bikini set?

Yeah, they all have long luscious hair, that is always long enough so that when placed strategically in the front, it would always provide just about the right kind of modesty.

Well, I have hair like that now. Okay, just barely but still.

And it took me pains to get here. Not that I had planned to show it off or walk around like I were a mermaid with legs, it was simply just a "specific, measurable goal" I had set to challenge myself 'cos I could never have made it before.

So, no way am I going to chop these locks off.

There's still quite a long way to go before I get to the ass.


So, someone tell me please, is there any other 'impulsive' thing I could do to reboot myself? Other than getting a new hairstyle?!

Maybe an air ticket would be sweet. But very impulsive indeed.

"Sei"

My fellow 'chao'-posers.



Thanks for the company, amidst the toyboys and the E's.

I really needed that today. The company, I mean.

"The Monster Next Door"

... read the very first headline that greeted me when I flipped the papers randomly today.


This spooky affair has got to stop.

Post-Game Analysis

I really met the Master.

No, wait. Not the master... I think it's the Guru.

The Guru's not a myth, not grapevine, not just a legend in the nights. I've had my firsthand encounter with the Guru.


It's probably a good thing I didn't make it past the Guru's standards.

I must've made a mistake somewhere. I must've gotten the wrong idea, what I think I do best obviously didn't quite cut it for me.

I never belonged in that league.

"喂喂... 你怎么啦?"

"你又生病啦? 还是你昨晚又去哪里鬼混?"

没有啊, 我昨晚根本没鬼混.

一直以来, 我根本就没有鬼混.


让人误会的感觉有时真是有点槽.

Bonked

I missed the biathlon and all the hot dudes in their sexy jammers this morning.

Anyways, it's prolly good, I am not looking very pretty today. The... never mind.


Hope y'all had a good race. And only one dude needs to shave.

"Hopefully"

Yes, when I think about the whole thing, one silly thing did lead to another. And another. And another. And a whole lot others.

In truth, there were so many silly things, I can't even really pinpoint THE one silly thing that started it all.

It doesn't really matter.


The one thing about me that everyone thinks they know but no one really gets, is that I am one silly nut who is prone to doing silly things, because silly things make me happy. There are silly things that are inconsequential of course, like taking up a 20-whiskey-coke-light dare from the bartender or playing silly Taiwanese entertainment games with the chicks at the bar. Then there are the silly things that seem inconsequential by themselves, but they are all really part of a whole domino rally.

So maybe this was really a game after all. When a game starts, it has to end somewhere somehow - though you never knew exactly when or how this game would end, because rules were made up along the way.

But I suppose all the blocks have fallen. All the silly things have been done.


I still will never say, "I shouldn't have" or "I should've" or "I could've".

I will only say, "I'm glad I did."

In all honesty? I still would've done everything over again, to have that little bit of happiness in my life than to have tasted none of it at all.


I am a big girl. And I steady bom pi pi one.

Whatever I had wanted to say but couldn't get out, I am stuffing them back inside me. You'll never have to hear them. In time to come, maybe I might even forget them. So yeah, this should be it.

I promised I'd be cool at point A and at point B.

I am not Superwoman, but I am a big girl who's been figuring her own way out her whole life. So yeah, I'll get there one day.

Beggars Cannot Be Choosers

But I am not begging. I never did, and I never will.

So, I can choose.

Then again, I thought I did.


I just make bad choices, that's all.

So In Love

For all the boys I have, there's only one man that absolutely captures my heart.



He loves me arot.

He kisses me on the lips when I ask for one. He hugs me tight when I need it. No questions asked.

And because I love him too, I would go all the miles to look for his Oliver. Yes, I did search high and low while I was in the Honks.

And because our love is fated, I was led to what I believe was the one and only Oliver left hanging on the shelves of Singapore.


But my man, you've got to watch out.

'Cos I am so beginning to fall in love with another man called Young.

(No, not you, dude. And definitely not that fucker of a HR director.)

My Geek Boy

If there's one thing that should cheer me up now, it's that my boy is back.

I absolutely dig this.

ME Inc.: is the bi at ecp tmr?
HS: yuuuup
ME Inc.: what time it starts?
HS: ummm well from 830 onwards
HS: my wave is 845
HS: I dunno the rest
ME Inc.: okok
HS: u gonna come? dun need to la
HS: so hot
ME Inc.: hahahahahahaha
ME Inc.: why not?
ME Inc.: i like to drool at hot guys
ME Inc.: i'm not there to cheer you on.. i'm there to pick up dudes... can or not?
HS: dude, but if you want hot guys, i am just a phone call away
ME Inc.: then weather hot, lagi better... best time to put on my cheerleading bikini costume
HS: ya don't need no bi to get the goods
ME Inc.: easier mah, more convenient... one-stop shop.
HS: we gots the goods right here yo...
ME Inc.: tried and tested... don't fancy anything leh.
HS: excuse me, one stop shop? I own the shop
HS: I own the franchise
ME Inc.: yeah, you're like those bosses then.
ME Inc.: cannot make it one, so hire the studs
HS: ok... you are mean
ME Inc.: i am not mean... i am unique
ME Inc.: the outlier
HS: I am a failure at being hot guy... I will be the nerd then
HS: geeks are secretly good lovers anyway
ME Inc.: yeah, better to underpromise and overperform
ME Inc.: and plus your new look proves you can make it as a geek



HS: if you save this convo, I forsee my life to be complete
ME Inc.: i save all convos
ME Inc.: and i post the really good ones
ME Inc.: like this one, perhaps
HS: xiao jie, please leh
ME Inc.: simi
HS: I plead the fifth
ME Inc.: i can anony you
ME Inc.: if i feel like it
HS: yeah u can
ME Inc.: i shan't

And I so did not. :)


I luv ya, dude.

Keep this up.

Last Laugh

Boss dropped a work task. And Boss really knows me well.

Boss: can you go into the admin panel and find a saved draft called...
Boss: red sports' very own all-star team
Boss: i'm putting up a post about you, brian, and coach.
Boss: give me a para about yourself, sports wise.
Boss: Er...don't get carried away.
Babe: er...
Babe: sometimes i get into a writing high, i cannot help myself, you know.
Babe: plus... the subject is ME leh.
Boss: yes...ok, go ahead. feel free to write however long you want.
Boss: I just EDIT.
Boss: hahaha.
Babe: now i got admin access.. i can always RE-EDIT
Babe: HAHAHAHAHA
Boss: I can always change your admin access
Boss: HAHAHAHAHHAAAAA

#(*%)(*#&$%*(!&_%!

Silly

One silly thing leads to another. Well, usually, at least in my case.

A silly incident, a rather unnecessary one, led me to feeling completely silly about myself. A feeling of utter silliness then led me to drop my no-alcohol-Thursday, and led me to my sanctuary where I had my antidote and a good chat with one chick.

The resulting silliness from the whites led me to hop over to the Japanese bar where the other chick with her potions beckoned.

The silly happiness from the sakes and the whites, and from the silly conception that singing helps to cheer one up, led me to saying 'okay' to a brash suggestion for some yelling-into-the-microphone session.

The silly thought of wanting to indulge in some reminiscence led me to listening to some silly song. And one silly song just led to another, and another.

The silly songs led me to a silly act of staying throughout the entire four-hour session. Just between the two of us.

And the entire silliness simply led me to hitting my bed at four in the morning.

And I just felt so silly the entire day because I had to wake up at seven for an 'All-Star Game', for which I had to churn out the report by the end of the day.


I hope my silliness had only been but a lapse.

But strangely, I kinda doubt so.

Bruised

The bruise is still there.

A strange indelible mark, the kind usually sustained out of the blue, when you don't even recall what you had done to deserve the pain. It's like, someone pinched you but you never felt the pinch. Or it's like you had walked into some invisible wall but you never really felt the wham-bam.

And if you would pardon my ah-lian-speak... you maciam kenna whack damn jialat jialat, and then you blur, 'cos you don't even know why you kenna whack in the first place.


And you get really rattled because you had never asked for anything in the first place. Yet they keep creeping up.

Yeah, something like that. Just like the weeks-old bruise on my left thigh. Still as huge-ass big and still as green.

Perplexing, but very real.

Blank

Blank is the state of my mind... if I could borrow a line from myself, from a couple of years ago. Exactly two years ago, if my memory doesn't fail me.

It's deliberate, though. Swiping the entire slate clean.

'Cos if I don't exercise some quality control, I would have already died a horrible death from a spectacular brain blast.


*BOOM*

InterPOP Ad

If you dig indie tunes and am not quite bothered with Butter Factory, go check out my sugarboy Shaun this Saturday.



Check out his INTERPOP web site, where he loads up samplings of indie music periodically.

I Miss...

The e-flyer that just came into my mailbox made me smile.



For one, I love happy graphics and pretty colors.

Two, I love outdoor markets and quirky one-off designs. I adore creative folks with their own artistic point of view to offer. I've always wished I had that.

Though I must add, I hate the 'atas' angmoh crowds and yes, the stupid entrance fee.

But most of all, I smiled 'cos it reminded me of my last Honks trip. I had dragged my silly bro to the Borrett one, and bored the fuck out of his mind - there was nothing like real food 'cept for silly cupcakes and he didn't seem to want to tussle with the kids.



Click on the e-flyers to visit the web sites!

Finally Wanted

So not all proposals these days are indecent ones.


"Also need to give you something concrete to depend on."

Thanks, Shooter. Er... I mean, Boss.

Anything goes. Anything from an angel goes. :)


Now that I've got my own email, some swanky sexy uniforms, and a very kind proposal, I've got to work some magic on the other perks, like... hmm, let's see... cheap canteen food, free and generous supply of water and 'teatime treats', a minor-celebrity status with the kids.

Oh yes, speaking of a much-desired celebrity status, I can't wait for our talk-show to go on air. :)

Daily Check

Dee: hi
Dee: any news?
ME Inc.: no no... still none
Dee: okie, may the force be with you

Sigh. It'd better be a good force of some sorts.

I've had enough of evil ones.

"我到了这个时候已经不知道你要的是什么了"

好奇怪, 这句话好奇怪.

我现在什么都不要了.

昨天, 我没要什么. 一个星期前, 我没要什么. 一个月前, 我也没要什么. 一年前, 我更没要什么.

今后呢, 我真的什么都不想要了.

我只想独自一个人, 安安靜靜, 简简单单, 快快乐乐, 过完这一生.

我想我应该做得到.

Indecent Proposal

I got one last night.

Flattering in some ways, but not in others. Maybe not at all.

Yet another bugger.


"... also not bad... the concept of being pampered by a guy is quite nice..."

Right, girlfriend.

But I never buy into that.


What I want, evades me.

What I don't, plagues me.


If you'd said persistence was your virtue, try me.

What The...

Shucks. So I see I'm back to my usual form.

I recall the dream, I don't actually know how it got to my senses, but I just popped out and up.


My bad.

I took more than a five. I took more than what should've been.

I suppose this must be my penance.


Pardon the babble-speak.

I didn't fail my GP, just to quell some rumors out there.

I just like to babble babble babble.


Kwencha-nayo. Kwencha-na.

Village Creatures

It turned zoological at the Village when a furry little scurrying creature turned up at the rooftop of the food center, and a crowd started forming, all gaping toward the sky.

Chey.

Never see monkey before meh?

Self-Praise Is Best Praise

So I was sitting at Office No.3, chatting happily, rather animatedly as usual, on the phone.

And then, it was time to hang up.

"Okay, bye byeee," so I chirped.

And then I caught myself waving goodbye with my free hand as well.


Er...


Just one tiny incident amongst plenty others.

You can call me 'mad'. You can say I 'act cute'.

But really, if you'd ask me, I think I am rather cute.

Who? ME?

Tiger Yeo claims to have met a dead ringer for Fatmama.

Either that, or the long-lost sister I never knew I had and who probably got kidnapped and sold to Thailand since she was born.



You know, for all the times people always make the rather uncomplimentary comment that I look like so-and-so, I have to concur with this one.

But of course, I am sexier, I have better looks, and I am probably a better kisser.

Rare Feat

It was quite amazing.

Even though I have to wake up this early, and I seem to be suffering from a bad neck, and I did have some funny dreams - I never woke up once throughout the entire night.

Just how awesome is that?

"Lovely Bitch"

Quite unexpectedly, the phone rang again almost an hour since...

But of course, I fumbled and I bumbled and I messed it up before "hello".


"I just called to tell you.. "

:) x 100


Now, I so want to fall asleep too.

Hurry, hurry.

"Ironically"

I realize a grave problem that's been nibbling at me bit by bit unwittingly.

ME Inc.: you astound me... you've been online for the past 3 nites!
***: cause im addicted to porn
ME Inc.: haha


No, no, the problem is not about porn pervading the society. It's much, MUCH bigger than that.

The real bugger is that when I think friends are just kidding me, they really aren't. And when I think they are dead serious, they are really just fucking around with Doofus.

Am I naive? Or, am I just gullible?

Either case... URRRGH!


Anyhoos.

When in doubt, just smile. :)

And if someone can't see your smile over the phone, give a little silly laugh.

Redjiejie?

I miss office chatter. But I suppose iChat more than makes up for it.

Babe: hey did you really get me an email?
Shooter: add an email? you mean redsports email?
Babe: yeah, if not i put my gmail, cos they can send the info to me
Shooter: you want one? sure. i think better to save your gmail.
Shooter: what do you want for your redsports email?
Shooter: choose wisely.
Babe: redbabe lor
Babe: wasn't it already decided
Shooter: sure ah?
Shooter: don't regret ah.
Babe: erm
Babe: boss
Babe: you reckon?
Babe: redauntie?
Babe: redjiejie?
Shooter: wah lau cannot make it.
Babe: then???
Babe: thats why i say redbabe lor
Babe: redporter abit duh, right?
Shooter: yes very corny that one.
Babe: shucks
Shooter: you can always be redbabe in the cbox.
Babe: heeheehee
Babe: yah
Shooter: i have to meet serious people so if i put redshooter a bit teenagey
Babe: talk to kids can use rdbabe
Shooter: make them swoon lah. they wonder
Shooter: 'wah, wonder what redbabe looks like..."
Shooter: then we can have lucky draw...
Shooter: winner has dinner with red babe.
Babe: you tell those serious people, yes pls send your info to my secretary at redbabe@redsports.sg
Shooter: you want me to die ah


So, I didn't get my 'redbabe'. :( Too glam, the boss complains.

:)

I always, always forget the rule.

When in doubt, just smile.

Ok to bare the teeth, but keep the trap shut.


:)

Unwanted Buoy

Much as I try to imagine otherwise, some things are just beyond me.

There are just some things I can't make better. There are just some people I can't make happier. Much as I try to be an angel.

Maybe it's just not supposed to be my job. Maybe it's really someone else's.

Maybe I shouldn't have butted in. I probably could've messed things up, made things worse.


I must've been quite silly. I must really have been a Doofus-with-a-capital-D.

The world is not made for simpletons like me.


It's cool. I'm cool. Big-ass Fatmama always is.

If the storm brews and you get thrown into the deep blue sea, you'd know where the buoy hangs.

Armor, Or No?

Sometimes, people say stuff that unintentionally hurts you.

It could be a slight comment in a string of words that unfortunately didn't escape your ears and pricked you instead. Or, it could be a slew of opinions that was unfortunately meant for your ears and that slammed you upside down.

Maybe it was blurted out by accident. Or perhaps it was in-your-face.

Sometimes, it feels worse when these people turn out to be friends, they turn out to be the ones you love the most.


I love them, nonetheless.

But still, it pricks and it hurts.


Like the rest before, it will pass.

Work Discussion

Yes, we do have big plans at Red Sports. Like using the best pictures and selling them off as posters, calendars...

Redshooter: sounds like we're from sports illustrated
Redshooter: or espn doing monday night football in the US
Redbabe: we will be when that calendar comes out :)
Redbabe: then we photoshop all the clothes away, and make ruggers play rugby in swimming trunks
Redbabe: cooooooool
Redshooter: you're mad. ;-)
Redshooter: next week water polo.
Redshooter: you can come and lau nuar
Redbabe: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH
Redbabe: FINALLY
Redshooter: and cover them all.
Redbabe: no don't cover them
Redbabe: leave them uncovered
Redshooter: wah lau eeeeeeeehh
Redbabe: SLURRPS

And yes, the games I've been waiting for...

"Fatmama Boy"

monster inc.: You busy busy busy?
ME Inc.: today no no no
monster inc.: I am so tired tired tired
monster inc.: went to the gym gym gym
ME Inc.: me too too too
ME Inc.: oooh oooh oooh
monster inc.: almost fainted fainted fainted
ME Inc.: are you in the loo loo loo?
monster inc.: No no no, but in a big big big room


You can call us "boliao", but I think we're just cute.

Some people just know how to make me adoredoredore them. :)

Waaaiiiting

RedBabe: Game today?
RedShooter: School hols.
RedBabe: Oh. Skool hols leave us jobless huh?

Pretty much like school canteen operators.

*Sigh*


*****

I can't believe I would miss the long-awaited phonecall last evening while I was out on the run. But how the hell was I supposed to expect it to come on a Sunday evening? I am always this lucky.

So the wait came to nought. And now, I have to wait some more.

This evening, or tomorrow evening, so it was communicated over the text.

And then, there's another to expect end of the week.


Have you ever imagined how it might feel like, to be stuck afloat in the middle of the ocean, and have little fish nibble away at your rotting waterlogged flesh? Like you're going through a slow painful dying process but you'd rather just be shot in the head?

Yes, I have.

And this is exactly how it feels right now.

Someone, save me. Or shoot me.

"You're Different"

The lady seemed to like me. She kept laughing at me, almost giving me the doting 'ajumma' look at times. She seemed very interested to know more about me, kept egging me on to divulge more, even tried to dole out some marital advice.

She said I reminded her of her, said she saw a younger version of herself when I spoke.

I was flattered, but really I ought to be wary. She could be just fakin' it.

After all, like they always say, the fashion industry is a bitchy one. You can't be too sweet, too nice to survive it.


Wait a minute.

Does that mean I have potential to make a good bitch?


Maybe.

Better a bitch than a sweetie-pie everyone pokes a finger in.

It's Official...

... the doofus is back. With a new nick too.

[10:40:14] HS says: did I look halfway decent?
[10:41:03] ME Inc. says: yes yes you're alright, i thought.
[10:41:15] ME Inc. says: but a taaaaad sian.
[10:41:53] HS says: haha, of course la!!!! I just ran 12 click!
[10:42:03] ME Inc. says: chey
[10:42:11] HS says: u expect me to be on E or what
[10:42:17] ME Inc. says: you're supposed to be chirpy after a good run
[10:42:23] ME Inc. says: yah
[10:42:56] HS says: ok la
[10:42:56] HS says: find me some A
[10:42:59] HS says: E
[10:43:27] ME Inc. says: I?
[10:43:28] ME Inc. says: O?
[10:43:32] ME Inc. says: U too?
[10:44:35] HS says: u farnee
[10:44:38] HS says: doofus

Doofus poofus woofus.

What's In Your Name?

Got this over some email, would've normally ignored its significance but I just had to take a look for myself.

So it goes like this.

If you have name like "FATMAMA", you'd be:

F: People adore you.
A: Likes to drink.
T: Loyal to those you love.
M: Makes dating fun.
A: Likes to drink.
M: Makes dating fun.
A: Likes to drink.

And so you see why I am amused. For one, people really adore me (this is my blog and I can say whatever I want). Two, I really really make a darned fun(ny) date.

And then, most of all, I really really really like to drink - soya bean milk.

Go check yourself out.

A: Likes to drink.
B: Likes people.
C: Is wild and crazy.
D: Has one of the best personalities ever.
E: A good kisser.
F: People adore you.
G: Never let people tell you what to do.
H: Have a very good personality and looks.
I: Loyal to those you love.
J: Lives life for fun.
K: Really silly.
L: Loved by everyone.
M: Makes dating fun.
N: Dead sexy.
O: Best in bed.
P: Popular with all types of people.
Q: A hypocrite.
R: F*ckin' crazy.
S: Easy to fall in love with.
T: Loyal to those you love.
U: Really like to chill.
V: Not judgemental.
W: Very broad-minded.
X: Never let people tell you what to do.
Y: One of the best damn boyfriend/girlfriend anyone could ask for.
Z: Always ready.


Okay, okay. I am a bit quite impressed with the real me.

'Cos I am dead sexy.

I have very, very good personality and looks.

And fuck, I am a very, very, very good kisser.

Just amongst others.

"You awake? Wow."

Almost eighteen years ago, when I was all of twelve years old, I packed my school uniforms, socks, textbooks, Enid Blytons and Tintins, and moved out of the space I'd shared all my life with the Big Brother, and into the room across which would eventually come to be remembered as "Mom's ex-sewing room".

I'd never been a brat, but I did bug Mom a fair bit on that matter. Well, for an all-important twelve-year-old, I thought I had two very good reasons.

One: "I am a big girl now. I need my own space."
Two: "Kor-kor always bites me."

I suppose I must really be one who "can convince people very well one what", since I got my own room and had all the sewing machines relegated to a corner in the living room.

Some eighteen years on, I think my Mom has forgotten all about the incident, the very first reason why the transaction had taken place at all.

I think Mom has forgotten I am a big girl now. That I need my own space.


I did fall asleep, but I got bumped out of snooze some three hours ago when something popped up in my mind while I was in my semiconscious state and I sat up wondering if it had happened at all. Nothing unusual, really.

Mom was fast asleep next to me, the girls had wandered off to their own dreamland where only four-legged creatures roam and Mommy is God. It was still in the world outside of my window. Well, almost.

I decided to stay awake. I like the stillness, the peace. My own space, finally.

I would have stayed in bed till I decided to crash, but Mom's alarm went off at six. Having Mom stare at me while I was trying to drift into my own world and write was another different matter, so I decided to shower up and get out.

I haven't done this in a long while, and now I am reminded how much I like this.

Driving at seven on a Sunday morning, stereo-less, windows wound down. Bright but not sunny, cool and untainted with pollution of all kinds. The road is so empty, you hear only the world outside. The road was so bare, winds blowing my hair wild, I thought I needed to slow down at 60kmh, when I realized I was still running on the fourth gear.

The best thing about coming to the Village on a Sunday morning, is that parking is for free and you get to choose your favorite lots. No irritating family SUVs blocking the lanes and shamelessly snatching your space. The cafe is empty too, and you get to sit at your favorite spot (yes, the one right next to the power adaptor point). The best thing though, is that the Village on a Sunday morning really reminds me of the village in Seattle where cousin Charles used to stay.

Because it's a Sunday, and because I have enjoyed my morning thus far, I am rewarding myself with a skinny latte this morning. I'll save the regular brews for my "office hours". A sesame bagel with some cream cheese would've given me the complete feel, but it just doesn't taste the same here. I can't put my finger on it, but something's just not quite right.

And all of a sudden, I really miss Portland. No, wait. I think it's Seattle that I miss.

No. I really, really miss Frisco. All the quaint little Italian cafes, and the even more quaint folks sitting in there... oooh...

*poof*

Damn. Why did they have to change the Blues to Whitney and Celine?! If Mariah comes on next, I am so gonna shoot someone.


When I get my own place, it'd have to be some neat little old apartment, near the Village hopefully.

One day, when I get my own place. One day, hopefully not too far away. I really am a big girl now.

Mom will understand, I know.


Fuck. It really is Mariah.

Shoot me.


post.script: I am not kidding. Kor-kor really used to bite me. I would wake up some mornings and find deeply etched teethmarks on my arm. Before I could figure out what had happened, I would overhear Kor-kor telling Mom, "Ma, can cook chicken wings tonight? I dreamt about eating them last night."

What can I say? I was an abused child.

Love

You know everything's really quite worth it, when the receiver on the other end of the line let you ramble and babble on and on about some other silly conversation... when it had been really quite a silly conversation.

And do you know when someone really loves you?

Someone really loves you when he shares in your joys and laughs with you.

But most of all, someone really loves you when he doesn't cry with you in your sadness.

Someone really loves you when he tries to take away your sadness, by making you laugh.


When someone really loves you, it doesn't necessarily mean he will love you forever.

It just means, he really loves you now. Today. And that's all that matters.

Good Luck

Someone apparently needs it as much as, if not more than, I do.

Give you some, but not all, ok. I need to be a selfish bitch today. :)

KNN

I ran so hard. And then, I ate so much.

#%*&(^!$!

Then again, thank goodness I ran at all. 'Cos I would've eaten this much anyways.

Blocked

我挡, 我挡, 我挡挡挡.

Tsk. Some people are just asking for it.

Don't call me a bitch.


And then, the stupid text came in over the phone.

#*&%^)(!*^%(!@#!!!!

Pooped

I've been getting tired, really worn out.

The running around in the hot afternoons, the staying awake and jotting notes during the games, the churning out words, or rather the lack thereof, the searching and then the long painful, fruitless waiting.

The thinking. The talking. Then more thinking. And then more talking.


I am getting distracted too.

From my once-a-week-only resolution. From my urgency to produce. From thinking and doing the right thing.

I seem to be the one with loads of time in my pocket, but in all honesty, time is not on my side.


I know what's been missing for a while.

I need a run. I badly need to think and sweat.

Bee Hoon

Babe: we doing lunch together?
Babe: or you lunching home first?
Shooter: come over and have home cooked bee hoon by aida.
Babe: oooooooo
Shooter: chili sauce thrown in.
Shooter: free wifi.
Shooter: and sky juice on rocks.

I think I might just have found Office No. 4.

GAPed

I first saw the ad in the papers way back in December, just before I left for Honks. Immediately roused with excitement, and perhaps out of a little impulse as well, I sent the email.

Got the surprising phonecall while I was still drowsy in Honks, and after some quick explanation of my schedule, we made a date to meet immediately once I came back to Singers.

We met, on a coincidentally fateful Wednesday. We liked each other, at least mildy enough. But I couldn't quite cut it still. Got some blatantly honest explanation and advice, the straight-talking and frankness I actually liked because she reminded me of me. After almost two hours (including some long waits), I got up, straightened my pretty skirt, shook hands, said my thanks, and bade goodbye.

And that, would also have been back in December.

*****

So Red Shooter says to Red Babe, to please try to wear red if possible.

And I have been errant. Not that I was being a rebel again, but it's true, Red Babe hasn't quite bought any red shirts in recent years.

Yestermorning, I looked at the wardrobe and remembered I did have some old red stuff, probably untouched and tucked away in some corner. Probably very creased too.

I must've fallen victim to the 'tiny-tee-that-exposes-your-belly-button' fad at some point. Either that, or tee-shirts do actually shrink when kept in storage for donkey years. I could find nothing suitable to wear - not at least at my age now.

And then, I pulled out my once-favorite tee. Bought it during one of them crazy shopping moods in the States, from the boys department, in size 'XS'. So yes, it is tiny too.

But it is bright bloody red. And it spells "G A P" in obsidian blocks across the chest.

Loved it. Realize I still love it. So I put it on, belly-button flashing and all.

Purrfect.


The spooks took place about a couple of hours later, while I was sitting in Office No. 3, cranking up the juices in my brain, trying to churn the words out.

"We'd like to see you again. Are you free Friday afternoon?"

"Er..."

"The GM is flying in from KL on Friday, and she'd like to meet up with you. 3.30 can?"

"Er... sorry, what position is this again?"

"The brand manager job for GAP? That's what you applied for. Isn't it?"

"Er, yes of course. But I last met you guys in December... Are you sure you called the right person?"

"Hahaha... yes. We want to see you. See you Friday 3.30."

"Erm. Ok."


Funny things do happen to funny people. Perhaps that's how they are funny people. No?

I am still feeling a tad amused.

Out Of Gas

I have not gotten a single drop of gas for two whole weeks. Yes, since that Wednesday.

Miraculous or what, whatever that went into my tank that night, kept us going for two weeks.

But it seems the going has come to an end, we've run out of gas. The gauge is finally running down very close to '0'.


I need to refuel.

The Decision

Someone I should know very well is hurting too. Starting to cry.

I think I've seen her this way, probably worse off. I thought she would never have any reason to be anymore in her life, she said she would be shutting her heart down. So, it must really be bad this time.


I know you're just human, though you feel otherwise sometimes. But not quite like all of us though, 'cos you seem a little sillier, much more gullible.

Most others say, that you deserve better. But I thought you already found something awesome, you actually got what you deserve. Then again, I might be wrong.


You seem to have it tough, but maybe, hopefully, in time to come, you'll be having it easier. You have to be. You have to keep trying.

Smile. Laugh, run, swim, write, sweat it all out.

Be happy. That is what you've always wanted.

I know you'll get it.


Yes, I'll show you.

"Yo"

Someone I know is hurting. Crying even.

And I don't think I've ever seen him this way. I never thought he had any reason to be, anyway. So, it must really have been bad this time.


I know you're just human, like all of us.

And despite what some others might say, I do think you deserve better than this. Just like all of us do.


You don't have it tougher than you think you do.

Smile. Sweat it all out.

Be happy. That was what you had wanted, so show me you got it.

Nightmare #573

I never used to be plagued by bad dreams and worse sleep, I swear.

I remember I used to sleep like a baby. Tight and sweet. But that seems like eons ago.

I think I have inner demons, that I need desperately to exorcise.


I recall only that I was walking, and being a klutz like I usually am. I tripped.

A light trip that caused, strangely, a very horrific injury. I couldn't get up on my feet. I saw deep gashes on my lower right leg, and then out from a big hole on my right ankle, fluids starting gushing. Not blood, just fluids. Colorless fluids that couldn't be stopped, and that flooded the ground around me.

The next thing I saw, my entire lower leg disintegrated, skin and flesh. All that were left dangling were the ghastly white bones. Yes, still strangely intact.

I got up, hopped on my good leg but it became grossly deformed under the stress.

I was distraught. No pain. Just wild panic and insanity.


I opened my eyes. Sat up immediately. Looked down at my legs. Reached out to feel them.

Then, I let out a huge sigh of relief. And then, almost tears.

It felt that real.

And the clock read only 3:34.

Of 'Whys' And 'What-ifs'

There has been much musing, almost fantasizing, about 'whys' and 'what-ifs' of late.

I used to be a big fan of 'whys' and 'what-ifs', but I got bitten, I lost some bit of passion and romanticism, I had probably reconditioned myself a little.

Why did I make the purported move beyond "Nite"?

What if I hadn't?

What if the crossing had taken place way, way before this?

So what? I don't know. I wouldn't know. Would I really want to know?

Well, I confess - it has been fun fantasizing.


Whether five years ago, or five years later, or twenty years down the road, if we were meant to come into each other's lives, we would some day.

iPork'd

We had grill for dinner at home this evening. Our way of celebrating the end of the new year.

Grilled salmon and beef, done just medium rare, so that it just about melts in the mouth. I absolutely adore.

But then, the smell of burnt butter is still lingering in the kitchen. Now I feel like barfing whenever I go for a pee. :/


I have an obsession of late.

Whole, unprocessed foods. I eschew processed stuff like as if they might poison me.

Yes, yes, I am trying my darnedest to be good everywhere, everything else - just so I can feel less bad.


Oh. I did pork tonight. :)

I didn't embrace it, but I think it's a start.

Some things just don't matter anymore.

Dumbass

An exchange of words over the still-faulty phone took me a little by surprise.

"Doin anything monday?"

"Other than waking up and smelling the flowers, I have no other plan."

"If the pollen gets to you, we can do bala at nite."


See? Maybe that's a problem.

But I can't help it. I can't resist smarts.

And then, I don't know how to stop.


I'm a dumbass, really. :/

Yes? Or No?

Deep down somewhere inside of me, I know I really, really want to say 'no'. Just for one reason, I want to say 'no' to the world.

But then, should I be wanting to say 'no'? Is it really ok for me to want to say 'no'? Am I crazy for wanting to say 'no'? After all, wasn't I told to say 'yes', for my own sake?

I really want to say 'no'.

But I suppose, not saying 'no' is simply a way of guarding myself. Not saying 'no' is just a form of obedience. For my own good.

And so, I said 'yes'.


But I didn't feel better. Heck, I wasn't even good.

And deep down somewhere inside of me, I know I was feeling almost miserable, and my heart was almost ripping apart.

This time, I should've listened to myself. I should've just stuck to 'no'.

Now, I really am going to say 'no'.

"Efficiency"

And so the number "268" finally flashed across the board.

CS: Hi, what's wrong with your phone?
Me: Hi, I am not getting any notification when messages come in.
CS: Oh, I think your phone needs a software upgrade. You'll need to send it in.
Me: As in, overnight? I don't get to see my phone overnight?
CS: Yes, collect tomorrow.
Me: Cannot. If I come in on weekdays, can I collect on the same day?
CS: Yes, try Thursday. It is usually quietest on Thursdays. Come in before 11, and you can pick up by 5.
Me: So I waited two hours to hear this, that I should come back on Thursday instead?

It was barely two minutes before "269" flashed across the screen.

I must've held the record for the fastest-served customer for the day.

93rd

Being wireless anywhere and everywhere is awesome.

Having a nifty twelve-inch machine that you can easily tote around in a bag doubles that awesomeness.

Now, I am no longer the grouchy babe I used to be, waiting in the queue behind ninety-three other darned souls at the service center.


Yes, I don't think I got that wrong. 268 minus 175 is 93, no?

Okay, 8 more to go...

Blistered

There's good reason why I can't live without my Birkies.

These damn freakin' heels will be the life of me, if I have to live in them, walk in them, run in them, breathe in them everyday.

I am beginning to suspect otherwise, that I might just have been born with weird feet. It's tough for me not to be Cinderella.

If, and only if, the shoe fits...


It's Friday, it's Friday!

And for the first time in a long, long while, I am actually excited that it's Friday.

There's ironically work to be done, and a job (I'm trying) to attend to tomorrow at freakin' eight-half in the morning. But I also have been missing my chicks for one whole freakin' week.

Tonight will be the real test.


There's much more inside of me I'd like to write about, but the 'feeling' has not been there for the past few days.

Tomorrow should be right... before the Devils-Reds face-off in the night.

But in the meantime...

I FUCKIN' HATE MY STUPID PHONE.

Running

There I was, lying on my bed at an hour so early it surprised even me, panting and heaving and breathing so hard, I suppose that was what actually got me tired and put me to rest eventually.

I don't get it.

Why is it that I find myself running out of breath and getting exhausted quicker when it's my nose that's running, instead of my legs?


This is unknowingly becoming an awesome week.

I would like to think that the sickness I am nursing now is a farewell gift I should accept with grace, but then I am also suspecting it could be just a by-product of a cold-turkey treatment.

When your body can't get what it wants, it rebels and makes life hell for you. Something like that.

And then, there are the friends who've been popping up in my life over the past few days, even in the most hilarious little ways.

Just like this morning.

Just when I thought I needed some 'warm-up' to clear the throat and bring my mood to a natural chirpy-high, I had to bump into my Vaporubs at the train station at our village.

Aahh! What's better to lift your moods way up high than a good session of gossip gossip gossip?


I am so ready.

Bring it on. And vanish, you disgusting icky stuff.

BOO!!!

No need to check lah.

I never write.

=)

"It's Ok To Sell Your Soul..."

Methinks Porpor says the darnedest things.

Just that he doesn't really talk much.


It feels a lil' outta-sorts, yet somewhat refreshing, taking life lessons from a non-living polyester creature.

But hey, if it works, why not?

What Now?

Finally. Someone called.

Thank you, Big Guy.

But, just like I always seem to have a 'but', You also always seem to have a way to tease my brain around, don't You?

You always have me caught in a dilemma, with a huge life-changing decision to make.

And I am not always good with decisions. In fact, I can be really bad. You know that.

So, should I then choose to do what I don't really think I want to do in the first place?

URGH.

Daydream

*Lao chui nua*

I just saw the Z4 zip me by.

That is the kind of stuff real dreams should be made of.


*Poof*

Boo-boo

A text came in and shocked the socks off me.

"Ok tats good. Luv u."

#&%^)&!@!!??

"Oei! Don't anyhow send message to me and get me into trouble hor?!"

And that is what happens when you're pretty close to 'Hunny' on the telephone list.


But of course, me being me, the imagination starts running a tad wild.

"You'd better be texting to hunny, which is your wifey ah."

I don't really want to know how this world could rot any more than it already has.

The Office

I would like to think that I still adore my other 'office' here at Starbucks, but it is getting crowded.

There are the kids who chatter non-stop when they are supposed to plug in to their iPods and be studying. Gossip about boyfriends and girlfriends and the newest brands in town or the next happening party so-and-so's throwing.

Then, there are the few young and serious-but-still-hip-looking people (exactly like me) who look like they are also setting up a rental-free office base here together with me. Which means they are in competition with me - for space, and for the precious power points.

And then, there are increasingly more office folks who seem to like taking their mid-afternoon meetings out-of-office these days. I don't really mean to eavesdrop, but yes, it's mostly idle discussion. Read: more distasteful gossip for my ears.

At the lowest point, this place feels like a library and I feel like I'm back to my mugging days.

At the highest? This place is worse than the kopitiam at my place, and I wish I had .44 Magnum in my bag.


Strangely enough, with the lively crowd it is housing, this place still feels like a freezer.

I am done with shivering and sitting on my hands and jumping like a monkey on the couch.

I'm out.

The Lost Wit

I am wearing my Favorite Shirt of The Moment again. My best acquisition from the Kong, so far - I love that outlet store anytime.

I call it 'The Pajama'. Self-explanatory.

Just when I needed it, it feels very comforting knowing I can be good ol' sloppy me again. Without giving a damn.


With some new folks I met, I tried to pass off as a 'freelance-writer' - unintentionally. Thanks to a friend who interjected, with all good intention no less, in the midst of my self-introduction.

But thanks also to my intense wit, my acting didn't fail me. "Your answers are so creative, I can see why you're a writer."

Huh! Talk-cock meets talk-cock.

But then, my intense wit also seems to be failing me elsewhere. Which, if proven true, would have realized one of my greatest fears - that I have no more comebacks.

How can that be? Tell me, how can?!

So. Yes, or no?

Maybe yes, I still do - except that maybe also, some people have just irritatingly managed to put me down to my intense-wits' end. Over time.

Irritating.


*****

Yesterday, the Red Shooter and I were down at the Monfort School, trying to cover the badminton story.

Me: Hey, next time we should just take our lunches in the school canteens. Cheeeap cheeeap.
Red Shooter: Yeah, good idea. But will they charge more for adults?
Me: Er... no, I don't think so.


Today, the Red Shooter went on another assignment without me. But obviously I wasn't forgotten when the text came in over the phone.

Red Shooter: Canteen food so cheap!
Me: Baaasket.


Tsk!!! What kind of comeback is that?

Even I am disgusted.

I think I've lost it. =/

"Come here... Come here..."

I need to babble.

I probably wouldn't need to if I would have mechanisms of an android, and I could simply open up a little trap door somewhere hidden beneath my thick tuft of hair and let everything fly out.

An empty airhead sounds like a better state of being today.


Then again, I can't really babble here. Nor anywhere else. Nor to anyone else.

Loneliness does seem scarier than the ghostly apparition that appeared in my room last night and beckoned me over.

Or maybe... that was it.

That was Loneliness himself in my room last night.

"Siao."

Tsk. Of course, I am.

If I was not, I wouldn't be the awesome Fatmama.


I am a little tired.

Sometimes, saying neither anything nor nothing helps me.

Before I learn the ropes, better just smile and refrain.

Kwenchana.

Back to Life, Back to Reality

After but one short intensive week of festive craziness, I know life is finally spiralling back toward normalcy when...

... after all the pretty dresses and shoes are back into the vault, I have no more reason not to return to my otherwise all-year-round diet of tees/sneakers/caps. Bye bye Pretty, hello Tomboy.

... my sleeping pattern is back to usual, and so are all the disturbances and the nightmares and the sitting-up-at-four-in-the-morning. Already on the first day, I've had it real bad. Rested, but spooked and tired = Not rested.

... I find myself starting to worry about stuff again, and then all the depressing thoughts about life being larger than I can handle start pervading my sea of brain cells again.

... the list of 'online' contacts is looking more decent again, especially with my chicks in full attendance.

... Mom's stopped being sweet and nice, and started all the naggings again.

... I find myself once again waiting for that sweet-sounding chime of my phone.


Life, as I have never been through before. Not even when I was only all of fifteen.

So, this really is it.

"Hi, I'm... "

I couldn't help but chuckle in the signature Fatmama-style when I first heard it. I must've sounded rude, but I had also just been spooked.

The spookiness is just too much, I am starting to find it actually comedic.

It is but a three-letter word.

Still, I'm lovin' it.


Some people laugh at my obsession toward Hangook dramas.

They can laugh all they want, but I don't really bother anymore. I tried, but failed. So I am no longer trying to explain myself. After all, it's not like I've been bugging anyone to watch one with me.

Call me 'bimbo', call me 'wacko', call me 'hopeless', call me anything you want. But would you even understand if I'd said that for a silly fool like me who for half the time is still trying to fit into reality, the dramas have become my haven, my outlet, my fantasy?

For one moment every day, I would at least feel a sense of belonging - albeit toward a twelve-inch luminescent screen.

After all, where else in this world can you find two equally crazy people who would do anything and give up everything for that crazy little thing called love?


The man of my dreams?

I still can't decide if it's gonna be the pai-kia-in-pain Cha Mu-hyeok, or the suave-prince-in-denial Seol Gong-chan, or the man-child Lee Young-jae.

Whoever it is, it doesn't really matter to me.

You see, at least I know 'the man of my dreams' is but a dream. :)

Discovery

This is surely an unusual Friday night where I am actually not hanging out with the chicks.

Instead, I am sitting at the cafe again, this time by the beach, waiting for time to pass till the clock strikes nine and somewhere else beckons.

The Bean is void of human life form but Scruffy is not.

The Bean has some pathetic boyband tunes and sappy love songs playing over the system, but Scruffy has not.

Because Scruffy has possibly got the most awesome live acoustic band I've ever seen.

And I am probably the happiest person around tonight, 'cos I'm enjoying Americano at regular-brew price and eavesdropping at the awesome music from next door.

Sue me.


Have I ever said I love love love live bands to bits?

Well, I absolutely do. :)


Edit: Pardon the following expression, but... fuck! I actually know the singer from the band! And I am lucky enough tonight to catch their act here 'cos they are only here on a one-night-stand. I am so blessed sometimes, I think.

Absolutely Freaked

Oh very dear me! I think I just made an erroneous weather report.

Just as I got on the highway at half-past-four and started my drive from the west to the east, the sky turned entirely grey.

And it POURed like mad. Throughout the journey.

Big-time.

Oh dear.

Freaky Friday

Can't believe that out of the blue on an otherwise hot sunny day, some dark clouds just had to gather for albeit a short while.

And it POURed.

"A Little Place"

We outdid ourselves this round: eight, out of seven.

The best kind of surprises are always the sweetest ones.

Awesome. :)


Time is never enough.

If we had forty-eight-hour days, we would have double amount of stuff we had to do. We would also have twice as much desires. We might possibly then have two times more happy occasions to cheer over, but also potentially two times more disapointing moments to deal with.

So, the actual amount of time is not a problem. How we live through what we have though is what really matters.

And if we live like we know there is a 'deadline' to our time spent with anyone, if we live like we know we might never get to see a tomorrow together again, the life lived could be much, much sweeter.

Less fights, more hugs. Less 'sorrys', more 'thank yous'. Less tears, more laughter. Less unkindness, more patience.

Less bads, more goods.

And then, when that end comes, there might possibly be much less sadness.

Because, like I've always believed, if we had really lived a life for everyday we had, alone or together, there would be a lot of adventures to experience, a lot of stories to tell.

The best kind of stories are always the sweetest memories you want to keep in the deepest of your pockets - forever.

And here's what I've learned. Always maximize. And always, always laugh together.


I may be a crazy idealist. I may be a hopeless romantic.

I may be a kind fool. I may be a happy-go-lucky ditz.

Whatever. I don't actually want to stop being childlike. Because even if I had wanted to, I just can't.


And so, because of all these, I may have forgotten a lot about sleep but in return, I have collected new stories to tell and I have had much laughter to keep me going.

I've seen more, heard more, learnt more, done more. But most of all, I think I might have remembered how to love again, though in my way.

So why shouldn't I be happy?


I am happy enough to know I have "a little place".

I can't ask for anything.


"So this is it."

Again.

It has been awesome.

Icky

I feel like a bloated camel.

I have been aching all over for days.

And I haven't been getting much needed rest too.

A bloated camel with dark rings in pain. Got that picture?

Very glam indeed.

Edited

So I've flouted a bit of my own rule. Just a teeny weeny bit. So I think I can be pardoned.

After all, prudence is the best antidote now.


Down rolled the window, a couple of polite greetings and sweet smiles exchanged, and then, that wave of the arm.

Twice in a night, barely two minutes apart.

It was awesome.

Can't believe it.

Lagonfried

There's something else I can't believe too.

That I'm a fuckin' Lagonfry member now. And I always refute when people call me 'Lian'.

Well, I still have something to say: I want to be 'Huay', can?


I don't know about tonight. But it has been five, out of five.

And that suffices.

I don't have to ask for anything more.


I've been thinking about the last time when I was really happy. Like, reeeeaally happy.

When I couldn't even, then, think of any one thing I was unhappy about.

I remember it vividly.

I am probably not quite close to it right now.

But then, things change. Circumstances change. Values change. And most of all, the people change.

So I can't keep thinking of what had been.

But if I think of what is now... I think I am sufficiently happy.

Surreality

Can't believe it's already Wednesday. Which only means the next Friday's coming soon...

Ah well. It is for the better.

It should, shouldn't it?

There's just so much, too much crazy shit.


But most of all, I still can't believe we actually found the 'zhay bee hoon'.


"Don't tell me..."

Yes, I won't. And I can't. And I am not anyway.

I am still going strong.

*Pat pat*

Falling

Some little monstrous bird told me something, and I liked what I heard.


So yes, maybe it is right. That the 'falling in love' bit is the best part of it all. Always.

Most exciting. Most memorable. Most fun. Happiest. Sweetest.

Everything else beyond that 'falling in love' stage is dangerous. Potentially heartaching. Possibly pain-inducing. You could probably end up being worse off. All because of that "E"-word.


So now, I think I know what I want.

I only want to keep falling in love.

And if I could really have it my own way, I only just want to fall in love every single day.

On The Eve of The Eve

Can't believe this is Friday...


I am still feeling a tad dumpy, but everyone else around me seems to be in the festive mood already, and more importantly, there're bigger things awaiting me tonight.

Yeah so, I think I should be done with the letters for the week. I ought to get into the 'mood' too.

I've just received the activation message.

Just three more hours to go before the night begins for real.

*****

It's a strangely warm feeling I haven't had for a long, long while.

Excited, yet uncertain.

Happy, yet fearful.

And the action's all happening in the tummy.

Are they butterflies? Or, are they gastric juices from the inability to eat anything the whole day?

I guess I will find out tonight.

Babe

The newfound babe kept insisting I look like some Hong Kong actress, but she just couldn't name her.

No big deal. 'Cos someone once said I looked like some Taiwanese actress and got me all excited. Till I googled and found out she's some 40-something soft porn actress.

Compliments sometimes don't actually compliment, you know.

*****

The newfound babe also asked what I was doing, and so I told her the truth.

"Oh! So you're nothing lah!"

Ouch. That hurt. :(


Hmph.

One day, I'll be something. Something very, very big. And very powerful. And very scary too.

*****

The newfound babe is still a babe. Vivacious and full of spunk.

That's why I would promise her my autograph on my poster the next time we meet.

Checkout

There's a reason why I would love my boys so much.


"Wee wee!! It's you!"

A young chap who was looking quite the dude and who kept looking at me while we were both crossing the busy street turned out to be one of my boys. Yes, one of 'em boys whom I try to love dearly but who always pull the 'disappearing stunt' on me.

"... Ya looking hot. Can't believe I was checking you out!"

My head almost rolled off onto the floor.

Ok, you just made my day. Now, I will forgive you for ignoring my calls and messages, and I will really consider being your sugar-mummy.


I am bad at this. Being on the receiving end.

When old farts check me out, I throw them dirty, incredulous looks.

When gorgeous dudes check me out, I turn all shy, and very flustered. REALLY.

When not-so-gorgeous ones check me out, I pretend not to notice.

When my boys check me out, I turn all unglam and start cackling away like a witch.

Tell me, how?

Tackled

My favorite bartender gave me a blue paper rose, and also passed me a note on a piece of napkin.

"Drink up! Need to buy you the next drink. May I?"

Er...


Me: Help!!
PI: Why?
Me: Got hark hark want to tackle single chick at the bar.
Pi: Pi will scare hark hark away in a while, but need to pee first.

See?

That's what real friends are for.